Paranoia
by MistressMacha
Summary: Elliot's having a bad month.  There's an increasingly nasty case, Kathy went back to her mother's, and Olivia's met someone else who doesn't seem quite right to him. As ever: big-time E/O. It gets pretty explicit, so if you don't like that, don't read it.
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: It's my first new story in a while guys, now please let me know what you think so I know how much work it will need!_**

'OK, Detective. You get to pick. You or the girl?' Moore pulled back harder on the teenage girl's hair, yanking her head back and making her cry out.

Elliot didn't even blink. 'Me.' Beside him, he heard Olivia let out a sob.

Moore looked intrigued. 'Now, that was much too easy for you. But this, this gives me an idea.' He shoved the girl to the floor, darted forward and snatched Olivia away from Elliot. He wrapped his arm around her neck and dragged her across the room, hissing 'stop that kicking, bitch, or I'll kill you both.' The girl was whimpering and trying to loosen the tape around her wrists. Moore gave her a disgusted look. 'Shut the fuck up.' He kicked her hard in the ribs and then put one foot on her abdomen to keep her pinned to the floor. Tightening the grip of his left arm on Olivia's neck, he pulled the gun from the waistband of his jeans and pressed the barrel against her right temple. She felt the click resonate through it as he flicked the safety catch off. Despite herself, she whimpered. Moore smiled broadly. 'You or her?'

Elliot looked Olivia straight in the eye. 'Me.'

She widened her eyes. shook her head and mouthed 'no'. Moore just tightened his grip on her. 'I wasn't asking you, Miss Benson, I was asking your friend here.'

'I told you, me.' Elliot ignored the look on Olivia's face. She might hate him for this, but she'd be alive, and that was the most important thing.

'OK, so we've got two votes for you. Here's the real prize question though.' Moore grinned widely and simultaneously pushed his weight forward onto the girl's abdomen and pressed Olivia's shoulders down, forcing her to her knees. He dug the barrel of the gun into the back of her neck. 'Her or the girl?'

Elliot's stomach lurched and he just stared. The girl was on her back on the floor, mascara caked around her eyes and tearstains down her face. Olivia just looked up at him and nodded almost imperceptibly. He just shook his head. He couldn't do it. He'd had this same choice before, and chosen her over the boy, and he still felt terrible whenever he thought about that day. Now that he had to make the same choice again, even though deep down he knew what he had to do, it was still too much. He couldn't do it. He shook his head, and Olivia bit her lip.

'You have ten more seconds, Detective, or I'll kill them both and then I'll kill you for good measure,' snapped Moore impatiently.

'You'll never let her go.' Olivia was struck by how utterly defeated he sounded. 'You get off on the power too much. You'd decided to kill us all even before you started this whole game.'

Moore raised his eyebrows. 'You have my word.'

The room was completely silent except for the sound of the girl weeping quietly. Elliot looked at Olivia. She was blinking to try and hide the tears in her eyes. She nodded again and mouthed 'do it.' He shook his head again. He couldn't.

'Five seconds, Detective!' Moore was enjoying this.

Olivia smiled at him and mouthed 'it's OK.'

'Two seconds, Detective!' snapped Moore. Olivia closed her eyes. Her lower lip was trembling.

There was only one thing she would let him do, only one thing she would ever forgive him for doing, and Elliot knew it.

'Her.' Elliot's voice caught in his throat and it came out as a vague croak. He cleared his throat and raised his voice. 'Her.'

'What, the girl or your lovely partner?' Moore raised an eyebrow. 'Just to clarify, you understand.'

Elliot swallowed and tried to control the waver in his voice. 'My... Olivia.' He felt like he was going to throw up.

'Very nice.' Moore pushed Olivia's head forward and Elliot winced as he heard the gunshot. She jerked, fell forward onto the floor and lay completely still, facedown with her arms bent awkwardly beneath her. He felt his breath catch in his throat. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Her hair was tangled and fanned out around her head, and there was a spatter of blood on the back of her shirt.

_Wait._

_There was so little blood. Why was there no more blood? Her hair should be matted with it, the back of her shirt should be completely soaked, not just slightly stained..._

Elliot looked up and saw Moore stagger backwards and begin to fall, the gun lying forgotten on the floor where he had dropped it and a thick red stain blossoming on the front of his dirty T-shirt. There was a crash as the door flew open and the room filled with armed police.

He was running to Olivia almost before Moore hit the ground.

'Liv? Liv, it's me, it's OK.' He knelt on the floor beside her, put his hand to her shoulder and turned her over onto her back. Both her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and her hands clenched into fists. 'Liv, are you OK? Did he hurt you?'

'El, am I dead, El...' Olivia was sobbing hysterically. 'I can't be, I can't, you can't be here, El, why did he kill you too, he promised-'

'No, no, sshhh, Moore is, he's dead, Liv, it's OK. It's fine.' He pulled her into an upright sitting position and hugged her against him, noticing that she had cut her forehead open where she had hit the floor. She didn't seem to have noticed. He leaned in and whispered into her ear. 'I'm so, so, sorry for what I did, Liv, I am, but I had to. I had to.' _Maybe if he said it enough, he would start to believe it._ He smoothed the hair back off her face, kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly, murmuring reassuringly into her ear. Olivia wrapped both arms around his neck and cried harder.

_**A/N So... what did you think?**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: Chapter 2, in record time... feel free to shower me with adoration but please, no flowers, and do not throw money. The coins hurt. But seriously, read it, review it, and thanks for all the feedback I got from the first one - it encouraged me to keep on going to get this one done faster!_**

It was almost midnight by the time they finally arrived outside Olivia's apartment building. She'd been completely silent for the whole trip, staring out of the window. Outside her apartment block, he had to spend almost ten minutes trying to coax her out of the car, and then, once they had actually gotten up the steps into her building, she refused to go into the elevator. And no, she didn't want to talk about it. Elliot knew better than to try to push her, so just focused on getting her up the stairs in one piece.

'Liv, it's OK.' He guided her carefully into her apartment and closed the door behind them. 'Do you want to go to bed?'

Olivia shook her head silently and went and hunched over on the sofa, hands clenched around her knees, staring straight ahead. Elliot sighed and went to sit beside her, putting one arm around her shoulders. 'Liv, I know, I know this is awful, but you know I-'

'Elliot... I was standing there and all I could think was that there's no one to care,' said Olivia quietly. 'I could see you guys all packing up my apartment and giving all my stuff to Goodwill or whatever, because...' she sniffed, 'because I've got no one to take it. No family, or kids.'

She paused and bit her lip. 'Not that it matters much anyway, losing all this stuff, because it's not exactly a home, is it? I ordered it all out of catalogues and just shoved it wherever in the room it would fit. If I needed a couch, I bought one, and if I needed a lamp, then I'd get one as soon as I got around to it. There's no sentiment to it. It's just... stuff. It doesn't feel like mine.' Tears began to run down her face again. 'I could live with that, but... Elliot, I don't want to die knowing that nobody loves me.'

'Liv...' Elliot pulled her towards him and hugged her tightly. 'Lots of people love you, and what happened today, well, it wasn't great but you're OK, you're fine!' Olivia sniffed again, wrapped her arms around his back, closed her eyes and pressed her left cheek against the front of his sweatshirt. He smiled and stroked her hair. 'You're fine, Liv, you're just not one of these people who needs to have a lot of stuff. There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with waiting a while to have kids. Just because you don't have a family now doesn't mean you never will. And even if you don't ever have the traditional family, you still have Alex, and you still have me. I promise I'm not going anywhere.'

Olivia opened one eye and peered up at him. 'I thought you were supposed to be trying to make me feel better.'

He laughed and kissed the top of her head. 'That's the Olivia I know.' He felt her smile as she rested her face against his chest again. She sat there breathing in the comfortingly familiar smell of his sweatshirt as he stroked her hair, and then felt his index finger under her chin, tilting her face up towards him.

She blinked. 'El?'

He leaned in slowly and kissed her, slipping both hands down to her waist. Olivia's brain seized up. What the hell? This was... this... this was Elliot. It was Elliot. They didn't do this. SHE DIDN'T DO THIS WITH ELLIOT. THIS WAS NOT GOOD.

'Elliot, what the fuck!' Olivia sat upright and pushed him away from her, wiping her mouth with the back of her sleeve.

He just looked at her. 'Liv, I'm sorry-'

'You figured that I'd just forget about today?' _Why had she let herself get so upset? She should be angry, it was all his fault, he'd been the one who'd wanted to go to that damned apartment in the first place looking for Moore, he was always so goddamned pigheaded!_ 'You figured I'd just forget that you told some psycho to shoot me less than four hours ago?'

'I didn't want to, you know I didn't want to, but I didn't have any other choice...' Elliot trailed off. He wasn't sure what else he could say.

'Didn't you?' _She was sure that she could think of a few._

Elliot looked her straight in the eye. 'It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, Olivia, and you know it.'

She snorted. 'Clearly it wasn't hard enough.'

'Oh come on, Olivia, what else would you have wanted me to do? I know you. You would have wanted me to save the girl.' _Wouldn't she?_

'Yes,' she snapped, 'but...'_ You should have wanted to save me. I know you had to protect her but you should have needed to save me more. Why do you always pick every other girl over me? I need you too, sometimes maybe even more than they do. _She immediately felt guilty_. Was it bad to think that? Probably._ She sighed. 'Elliot... that's not the point.'

'Liv, I...' He figured that now was not the best time to mention how unreasonable he thought she was being. 'I just-'

Olivia cut him off. 'Look, just shut up, Elliot, we both know that you don't really give a fuck, and nothing you can say right now is going to get you out of this.'

That was enough. 'Olivia, if you think I don't care, then why the hell did I come back to your apartment with you tonight? I could have left you outside, hell, I could have asked some uniform to take you home, but I-'

'You what? You thought I'd be easy right now so you might as well give it a shot?' Her eyes narrowed. 'You son of a bitch.'

Now he just looked shocked. 'Jesus, Liv, no-'

She slapped him. 'Fuck you, Elliot. You don't get to fuck around trying it on with me just because Kathy decided she doesn't want you right now.' She stood up and brushed herself off. 'I'm going out. You'd better be gone by the time I get back.' She grabbed her bag and slammed out of the apartment before Elliot could even get up.

**_A/N: Thanks again for all the feedback last time, I adore each and every one of you!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: This is a quick update to say thanks to all of you who are so nice and encouraging. I'm not sure when I'll next be able to update because I'm having a few personal issues right now, but depending on how much feedback I get I'll see what I can do. I'm glad all you guys are enjoying it so much, it gives me a bit of a much needed boost, so... thanks._**

Once she was out in the street, it suddenly occurred to her that she had nowhere to go. The whole storming out thing might look great in the movies, but those characters probably had friends, or family, or lives to go to until it was safe to slink back home. For want of a better thing to do, she started walking. What the fuck was Elliot playing at? They didn't do that. They'd never done that.

_You did once, _said the little voice in the back of her head.

That didn't count. That was just an insane, desperate one-off, and he had known that just as well as she had. She'd been feeling needy and he'd just gone along with it.

_You sure about that?_

Yes. Yes she was. It had been an... awful, awful day. He was distraught over what had happened, and she... well, she was just angry.

_And upset._

Well, fine, and upset. Terrible things had happened that day. That boy had died, and then she'd almost lost him not once but twice, and the second time had because he had wanted to leave her. And even though she knew it shouldn't have, somehow that had seemed worse. When she was stabbed, and she thought she was going to die, knowing that he was there with her made it OK. She'd realised how much he meant to her, and while she'd always known that he was important to her, that was the first time she'd actually admitted to herself quite how important he was. For him to want to leave after that, well... that just hurt.

_And it was just that? It wasn't that maybe you'd had something you wanted to say, only before you did you'd pushed it away again as soon as you realised you weren't actually about to bleed to death on the Port Authority transit concourse floor?_

Bullshit. She didn't do that psychobabble crap. Just like she didn't do... that... with Elliot. Ever. Well, once. But like she said, that was just a one-off. She'd needed it, and maybe he'd just wanted to know that someone didn't hate him. Whatever it was, it just wasn't something she did.

_Well, let's be honest, it's not like you really do anything, is it?_. _You don't smile, you don't laugh, you don't go out, you don't bother with making any friends or having a social life outside of work..._

No, she wasn't like that, she had lots of friends, lots of things going on.

_What? Who? Alex? You know her from work and you don't see her outside of work. Casey? You haven't spoken to her properly in months. Who, Olivia, who? Who do you think is your friend?_

Elliot. Elliot was her friend.

_Like he will be still now you've blown up at him. You're lucky he's put up with you for this long. You ruin everything. Why do you ruin everything? Why do you do this, Olivia? Why are you so boring? Why do you scare off every man you meet? You used to date lots of men, Olivia. Why could none of them stand to be around you for longer than a single date?_

Shut up, she was fine with men. No problems.

_Really? When was the last time you went on a date? When was the last time you let a nice guy buy you a drink in a bar, or smiled back at one once in a while on the subway? You're nearly 44 years old, you know you wanted to get married and have kids but guess what, you didn't and now you've left it too late..._

No, she hadn't left it too late. There were women in their 60s in the news who had had babies. There was still time. At least she was waiting for the right guy rather than just settling on anyone.

_Come on. Remember that adoption agency that turned you down because you worked all the time and had no support network? They were right to turn you down, whatever Elliot might have said to try and make you feel better, and you know it. It has nothing to do with your not being able to find the mythical Mr Right. Face it, if you could find someone to just settle on right now, you would. Right now you can't get anyone interested, not even someone you'd have to 'settle' for..._

Not true. Dating was difficult with a job like this. Men never knew quite how to take it. Every man she met, when they found out her job, they went weird. Either they stopped calling, or they got too clingy, or they turned into a massive pervert. It was hardly her fault.

_Oh, please. Quit playing the martyr. You're no fun to be around, Olivia. You're a complete control freak. You make everything into a dull, joyless nightmare. When was the last time you did something fun? You don't drink more than one or two drinks on a night out because statistically that makes you less likely to be attacked. When you rented your apartment you chose it based on the crime statistics of the neighbourhood rather than the local social scene. The first thing you did when you moved in was install six extra locks on the door, rather than introduce yourself to the new neighbours. You don't respond to men in bars any more because you're scared they'll think you're leading them on. That's if you go out at all, which you don't, because you spend every minute at work. You make all these excuses about how this job makes dating so hard, but maybe it's just you, Olivia, maybe it's you that's the problem-_

'Shut up!' snapped Olivia. A few feet in front of her a smartly dressed businessman recoiled in shock and started walking quickly away, glancing back every few seconds to make sure she wasn't following him. _Fantastic_, she thought, _I've become that crazy woman on the street everyone tries to avoid_. Suddenly she felt her eyes fill with tears again. Shit. She cursed Elliot. This was all that bastard's fault. Why did he have to go and do this? Why the hell would he think she would want to do this?

_Because maybe you did_, said the voice. Olivia swore silently, and suddenly spotted a bar she knew further up the street. If there was ever a time for a Martini, she thought, this is it.

**_A/N: There you go, hoped you all liked it! I actually quite enjoy doing these single-character discussions, I'll have to do more in future...  
><em>**


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Thanks to yet more insomnia, another update for you all a lot earlier than I'd hoped! Thanks for all your reviews - it really makes my day when I check my email and see that I've got a new one.  
><strong>_

The next morning, Elliot was outside her apartment again, trying to work up the courage to knock on the door. It had added a good hour to his journey that day but he needed a chance to try and explain to her what exactly he had been thinking, when... well, when that happened.

_You mean when you kissed her_, said the little voice.

Well, yes, that. He looked at his watch, took a deep breath, knocked on the door and waited.

It was taking too long. She'd already left. She knew it was him and she was deliberately avoiding him. He listened and realised that he could hear the shower going in her apartment. Maybe that was it, she just couldn't hear him over the water running. He knocked louder.

Finally, he heard footsteps on the other side of the door, the clicks of the deadbolts sliding back. He arranged his face into a suitable look of contrition and took another deep breath. 'Olivia, I... who the fuck are you?'

A dark-haired man had answered the door. He was wearing a pair of boxer shorts. And one of the many oversized T-shirts she had. One of his T-shirts. Elliot clenched his fists. 'Where's Liv? What did you do to her?'

The man smiled. 'You must be Elliot.'

'I said, who the fuck are you?'

The man smiled and lazily stuck out one hand. 'Gerard O'Hara. Nice to meet you.'

_What a fucking stupid name_. 'OK, Gerald, you have ten seconds to tell me what the hell you've done to my partner or I'm going to throw you through that goddamn wall.'

He smiled again. 'It's Gerard. But you knew that. Don't worry, she's fine, she's just in the shower. I think she's feeling a little hungover this morning, poor girl. She hit the Martinis pretty hard last night. As for what I did to her... well, I don't think it's appropriate to kiss and tell.' He leaned in and winked. 'But I will say that she was very, very good.'

Elliot's stomach turned over. 'I'll fucking kill you.'

'Why? Because I fucked your precious Olivia? Please, she could barely wait to get home. We never even made it into her bedroom, you know. I threw her on the floor, I pinned her down and I had her right there.' He paused and raised an eyebrow at Elliot. 'And like I said... she was good.'

_She was mine first, you asshole._ 'Go to hell.'

'Now now, Elliot, I'm not the adulterer here.'

Gerard had barely finished his sentence before Elliot had him by the neck and pinned against the wall. 'You son of a bitch-'

'What's the matter, you never had her up against a wall like this? I bet you'd like to, though, wouldn't you? She told me all about you. You ever fantasise about it, Elliot? You ever think about what it would be like to just pin her down and go for it?'

'FUCK YOU!'

'Elliot!' His head jerked up. Olivia was standing in the doorway to the bathroom in her bathrobe, open-mouthed. 'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

_Trying to help you. Trying to get rid of this prick before he hurts you_. 'I came to apologise, but clearly you'd rather screw some random stranger.'

Her eyes narrowed. 'Elliot, it is none of your goddamn business what I choose to do in my own time.'

'It is when what you choose to do is jump into bed with creeps like this at the drop of a fucking hat!'

'What's the problem here, Elliot? That I slept with him, or that I wouldn't sleep with you?' spat Olivia.

He had never seen her this angry. 'That has nothing to do with this.' _Well, maybe a tiny bit._ 'For God's sake, Olivia, what the hell were you thinking?'

'I was thinking that maybe for once I should spend some time with a man who wasn't you.' _Especially since I know that you don't want me._

'What's so wrong with me?' _I'm so sorry about what happened yesterday, I am so, so sorry, I didn't want to do it, I swear, I wanted to save you, but..._

'Elliot, for God's sake, I'm with you all day EVERY DAY.' _And I can't do this any more. It's too much._

Elliot snorted. 'Because you're so fucking perfect, right, Olivia?'

'And you are?' _I love that you're not. Please don't think that I don't._

'No, but I put up with a hell of a lot of shit from you, and you know it.' _But I wouldn't change you for anything. Wait, no. Not what you're going for right now, Elliot. She hurt you. Aren't you angry with her for that? _'Maybe...' _I love you just as you are._ 'Maybe you should try lightening the fuck up once in a while.' He suddenly realised that she was about to cry. _Shit, too harsh, too harsh._ 'Olivia, uh, I didn't-'

'Screw you.' Olivia felt as if she had just been slapped._ I knew it, I knew that he thought that, oh God, I'm so dull..._ She felt like she was about to throw up. 'I think you should leave.' She pointed at the door. 'Get out.' _I am not going to cry in front of this asshole._

Elliot stayed where he was. 'No.'

Olivia walked forwards and pushed him, hard. 'Get out. Now, Elliot.'

'Come on, Liv, please...' _Oh fantastic, now he sounded like he was begging._ He decided to try again. 'Liv...'

'Don't you fucking Liv me, you bastard.' She pushed him again. 'Out.' Over her shoulder he could see the creep smiling. She grabbed both his wrists and began to force him towards the door.

'For God's sake, Liv-' Elliot yanked his hands free to push her away, and then suddenly she was staggering backwards with one hand clutching the side of her face.

'You son of a bitch,' she gasped, furiously blinking back tears. He could see blood under her hand.

'Jesus Christ, Olivia, I'm so sorry...' Elliot stepped forward to move her hand away from her face, and she swatted him away.

'Get off me, you asshole.' She turned away from him and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

'Look, let me drive you to the ER-' He managed to get hold of her wrist and ease it away from her face, and inwardly cringed when he saw the gash just above her eye. 'Shit, Liv, it was an accident, I didn't mean to, you know that I didn't...'

'Elliot, I think you should leave,' said Gerard.

Elliot shot him a dirty look and shoved him aside. _Who the hell does this asshole think he is?_ 'I'm taking her to the ER.'

Gerard stepped forward again. 'Really, because I think-'

'Gerard, it's OK.' Olivia had pressed one of Elliot's handkerchiefs against her face. She sounded tired. 'You have to work. Elliot can drive me there. It's the least he can do.' She shot Elliot a dirty look.

_OK, so she was angry with him. She'd get over that. She was still sending the creep away. He'd count that as a success._ Elliot flashed Gerard a quick look of triumph, and then he realised that she was actually smiling at the creep and handing him her business card. 'Call me tonight, OK?'

Gerard smiled back and stroked her arm. 'I will.'

Elliot clenched his fists again and tried to control himself.

_**A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! I've not slept in about two days, so... be nice. Also, everyone's who's reading my newest story, thanks for all the great comments I've gotten so far. I'm really enjoying thinking about where to take it from here.**_..


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: OK, are you ready for more? Of course you are, because I've been lazy and not updated in a while... well, in about a week. Thanks for all the reviews so far!_**

_The ride to the ER was the most awkward twenty minutes of Elliot's life, and once they got there it didn't get any better. She'd stopped crying but refused to talk to or even look at him, and when the nurse called her back to the consultation room she swore at him when he tried to follow her. Across the room, a woman with her hand wrapped in a thick bloodied dishtowel smiled sympathetically at him. He just looked at the floor._

_'Three stitches.' He looked up to see Olivia standing in front of him. 'Three stitches, she had to give me.' He could see the beginning of a large bruise blossoming across the side of her face._

_'Olivia, I am so, so sorry...' He saw the woman across the room out of the corner of his eye. The look of sympathy on her face had been replaced by one of horror and disgust. 'I swear, it was an accident-'_

_Olivia cut him off. 'Don't worry, I told the nurse that I walked into a door.' She laughed bitterly. 'The amount of times I have heard that line, and to be honest with you I don't think she believed me any more than I would have.'_

_'Come on, let me take you home.' He tried to take her arm and she shoved him away._

_'I don't want to talk to you right now, Elliot. Leave me alone.'_

It was almost a week before he saw her again. When he came into work the day after the trip to the ER she wasn't there, and while he'd been over to her apartment every day since to try and talk to her, she was never home. Or, at least, she had never answered the door.

She finally came back to work several days later, the bruise on her face fading but still visible. Elliot was out of his seat and walking towards her before she'd even sat down, mentally rehearsing all the things he had wanted (_needed_) to say to her since the night after the incident with Moore (_well, let's be honest, since you first met her_) and hoping that now she'd calmed down a bit she'd be prepared to listen. She looked up and saw him coming over to talk to her, and he tried a quick, hopeful smile. He saw her face set into a cold glare, and his heart sank.

'Olivia, I-' _I'm sorry. It was an accident. I swear I didn't mean to. I shouldn't have shouted at you but I was upset_. 'I-'

'I'm only here because Cragen called me and told me there was a new victim,' snapped Olivia. 'I will work with you, Elliot, because I can be professional about this, but I swear to God you give me any shit and I will paste your ass across the nearest wall, do you understand?'

'Please, Olivia-_' _

'I SAID, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?' The rest of the room looked up, then pretended to be busy working while listening in with all their might.

Elliot nodded. He did.

'Good.' She stood, picked up a file and practically threw it at him. 'Her name's Maria Emmons, gave us a description exactly matching our guy, right down to the disguise he wore and the instructions he gave her. She says she was attacked last night near 73rd and Amsterdam.'

'In the Upper West Side?' Elliot was surprised.

'Yes, in the Upper West Side, why?'

'Because... well, Liv, our guy, he tends to stick to the East Village, and moving to the Upper West Side... I mean, it just doesn't seem very likely.'

She shrugged. 'There's a first time for everything- for God's sake, Elliot, what is it now?'

'I know this woman,' said Elliot slowly, staring at the photograph in the file. 'I talked to her last year. She came in and made a rape allegation against her stepfather.'

Olivia looked pleased. 'Well, great, that means you already have a working rapport with her-'

Elliot cut her off. 'No, Olivia, you don't understand, it was a false allegation. We looked into it from every angle and there was just no way it could possibly be on the level. She was making it up.'

Olivia crossed her arms impatiently. 'What does that have to do with anything, Elliot?'

'Because, Olivia,' said Elliot, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice, 'She'd done it before. Six times over four years, and that's only since her family moved to New York from Indianapolis. God knows what she got up to there. Olivia, this woman lies. She picks up on real cases and makes up her own attack to fit in with them.'

'That doesn't mean she's lying this time. I spoke to her before you got here, Elliot, you don't think I know how to tell a real rape victim from a phony?'

'I'm not saying that, Olivia...' Elliot tried to think of a way to put this that wouldn't just make her angrier. 'It's just that you can get a little... emotionally involved. I think we need to take another look at this woman's story before we start getting too into it.'

'Elliot, you didn't talk to her.' Olivia sat on the edge of her desk. 'I did. She's serious, Elliot, whatever her past makes you think.'

'Olivia...' Elliot was really trying his best not to snap at her now. 'Look at her! Our guy likes blondes. She has dark hair. All his victims have been petite and in their late teens. Emmons is almost 30 and looks one hell of a lot older. She's completely the wrong age and build, Olivia... it's all wrong. There's no way this is the same guy, no matter how good the description she gave us.'

'Elliot...' Her voice had gone very quiet. 'You need to trust me on this. I know she's telling the truth.'

'I don't.' _And neither should you, if you'd just use your goddamned brain._

'Well, I do, and you used to trust my judgment.' _Back when you still thought it might get you into my pants._

'I did before you started taking any random creep you happened to find in a bar back to your place on a whim.' _Especially creepy little shits like the one the other night._

'Please, Elliot, if anyone's come out of this little farce badly then it's you.' _You arrogant bastard._

Elliot had had enough. 'This isn't about me, Olivia, and it's not about you either. It's about a manipulative, damaged woman with a proven history of mental health problems and of lying to the authorities.'

'Why would it be about me?'

'Olivia, it's ALWAYS about you.'

'What the fuck do you think you mean by that?'

'Just tell me, Olivia. Why? Why would you believe this girl? Despite everything we know about her, why do you trust her?'

'Well for one thing, Elliot, what the hell does she have to gain? From what you've told me she picks on men around her, not serial stranger rapists. Why would she suddenly decide to do that now?'

'Who knows why people do the things they do, Liv.' Elliot was tired of this.

Olivia's eyes narrowed. 'Don't call me Liv.'

'OK then, OLIVIA. If you can just try to stop being childish for a minute, OLIVIA, and stop letting your fit of pique affect your work, OLIVIA, then maybe you might be able to see that you'll just have to trust me on this one, OK, OLIVIA?'

_Bastard._ 'Well, forgive me, Elliot, if I'm not exactly falling over myself to trust you right now.'

'For God's sake, Olivia, we need to trust each other. We're a good team. Don't ruin this.'

'You ruined it,' spat Olivia. 'You ruined this, Elliot, not me.'

'Olivia, I-' Elliot was cut off by the sound of Fin swearing loudly from the hallway outside. Everyone looked up as he stalked into the room, muttering angrily to himself.

Munch was the first one to work up the courage to ask. 'Everything OK?'

Fin grunted and gesticulated at the wadded-up newspaper he had just thrown onto his desk. 'How many crazies we had call in yet this morning?'

'The usual,' replied Munch. 'Why?'

'New York Star, lead story this morning: 'Serial Rapist Stalks Manhattan.' They're offering a $50,000 reward to anyone offering information that leads to his capture.' Fin dropped a copy of the newspaper on his desk. 'Not to mention what they'd probably pay to any victim who cares to 'share her story.'' He scowled and crossed his arms. 'That's just what we fucking need right now.'

Elliot looked at Olivia and raised his eyebrows. 'There's your reason, Liv.'

She stared at him for a minute. 'We both know that you're just pissed because I'd rather fuck him than you.'

Behind her Fin leaned over towards Munch. 'Who'd she fuck?'

'Not me.' Munch shook his head mournfully.

Elliot couldn't take any more of this. 'Olivia, please, I... please forgive me, I'm sorry-'

'Fuck you, Elliot.' She turned and stomped away into the locker room.

**_A/N: I hope you liked it, so feel free to let me know what you thought - reading your reviews is a highlight of my day. Thanks for all your support so far, it means a lot to me =)_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: Another update so soon? What can I say, I'm getting so into writing this that I couldn't restrain myself._ _I hope you're all getting into reading it too!_**

'Liv, I'm sorry.'

'Go away, Elliot.' She pulled her T-shirt off over her head and opened her locker.

'Please, Liv.'

'Fuck off.'

'But Liv-'

'Fuck the hell off, Elliot.'

'Olivia, we need to talk.'

Olivia studiously ignored him. _Jesus, she couldn't even go and get changed before an interview with a victim without him following her in and trying to boss her around._

'Have you seen Gerald again?'

Olivia concentrated on folding her T-shirt into a perfect square before putting it into her locker.

'That creep's not right for you, Liv. I get a bad feeling off of him.'

She rolled her eyes, grabbed her shirt off the bench and pulled it on.

'Come on, Olivia. Something's not right about him. You know that.'

'Because you're such a fucking expert on relationships,' muttered Olivia. 'How long has it been now since Kathy ditched you, Elliot? And I do mean this time, not the last six times or more before that.' She turned her back on him and started buttoning her shirt. 'I'm here to work, Elliot, not to make nice with you.'

'So what, you can't spare five minutes to talk?'

She sighed, tugged down the front of her shirt and turned back around to face him. 'I don't know, Elliot, why don't you ask that poor girl out there if she doesn't mind waiting around for you to finish pulling your head out of your ass?'

Elliot snorted. 'Please, Olivia, she's a crank.'

She wrinkled her nose. 'Fuck you.'

'Come on, Olivia, you've done this enough to know that! She saw the reward money the Star posted, and she took her chance. Olivia, she's the wrong type, the wrong part of town, the wrong time... even if she's somehow telling the truth and she really was attacked, it's not the same guy!'

Olivia clenched her fists. 'I think it is.'

'Oh yeah? Why?'

'I don't know, Elliot, I just have a feeling.'

Elliot rolled his eyes. 'For God's sake, Olivia, don't you think your 'feeling' might just be you being you?'

Her eyes narrowed. 'What the hell is that supposed to mean?'

'You know. She looks a little bit like you, she was supposedly attacked three blocks away from your apartment... we both know you have a habit of taking these things personally, but come on, Olivia, we've just been over this, not everything has to be about you!'

She opened her mouth, paused and closed it again, then licked her lips. 'I don't know what you think you mean by that, Elliot, but-'

'What I mean, Olivia, is that you always have to play the fucking martyr. She's not you. This girl is not you, Olivia. She is an opportunistic, devious young woman with a history of making false complaints. She is not some sad little victim child who nobody wanted.'

Olivia flinched.

Elliot chose to ignore it. 'I mean, come on, Olivia! You always find a way to make yourself the victim in everything, but do you know what's worse? You're so fucking proud of yourself thinking that you would never let yourself become one! I have to sit there, listening to you go on and on and on about how important it is to you to face up to things, how important it is to you to be seen to be a strong person, how you would never EVER let anyone victimise you. Well, you know what, Olivia? You do. And what's more, I think you enjoy it.'

Her jaw dropped and he saw her eyes start to well up. He suddenly realised he'd gone too far. 'Liv, I-'

'Are you quite done, Elliot?' Olivia asked, her voice dangerously quiet and controlled. 'Or would you like me to cancel my plans so you can spend the rest of the evening doing this?'

'Liv, I'm sorry, I swear I didn't mean it, I was just upset-'

'STOP IT!' Olivia was bright red now. 'I don't want to stand here and listen to you going on and on about how sorry you are, how you didn't mean it! I only just got the stitches out from the last time you 'didn't mean it', Elliot, and I honestly don't have the patience to listen to any more of your crap!'

'Uh, is this a bad time?'

Elliot knew that voice. 'That son of a...' He turned and glared at Gerard, who was loitering nervously outside the door. 'Please, Liv, tell me you're not still seeing this little weasel-'

'I am.' Olivia walked over to Gerard and very slowly and deliberately kissed him. 'In fact, we had plans to go out tonight before this case came up, so if you don't mind I'd quite like five minutes alone with my new boyfriend.'

'That's a pretty big step up from fuck buddy,' snapped Elliot. 'When'd that happen?'

Olivia swore at him and took a step forward, but Gerard stuck out his arm to stop her. 'Liv, come on, calm down.' He put his arm around her and kissed her on the cheek. 'You go ahead, OK, I'll catch up with you.'

Olivia started to disagree, then shrugged, gave Elliot one last dirty look and stomped off down the corridor.

'Wow, you really know how to piss her off, huh?' said Gerard conversationally. . 'You know, you really need to learn to stop lashing out at people. I know that it's some kind of fucked up defence mechanism, but it really just makes things worse.'

'Fuck you,' said Elliot.

'Come on, there's no need to be a bad loser.' Gerard grinned. 'You had your chance, it's not my fault you didn't take it, now is it?'

'I don't know what you mean.'

'Yes you do. Olivia told me that you and your wife broke up months ago. It was actually one of the first things she told me when we met at that bar. There was this guy who she worked with, but he was married, but now his wife had left him and she had thought maybe something might happen, but now she thought he didn't want her after all, and so on and so on and so on. You know how it goes. It would have been her third or fourth Martini, I think, but I could tell she meant it.' He shrugged. 'Shame about your wife though, Elliot. What happened there? You just drift apart, or you beat her one too many times?'

Elliot clenched his fists. 'You son of a-'

'Do anything and I'll tell her. Do you want me to do that, Elliot?'

Elliot hesitated, and slowly lowered his fists to his sides. 'You bastard.'

'That's better.' Gerard smiled again. 'So... what are you, Catholic?'

'What?'

'Well, I'm just thinking with a name like that and five kids, what else are you going to be, huh?' He laughed. 'Plus that lovely violent streak of yours.'

'Irish Catholic.' Elliot wasn't sure how they'd gotten onto this subject, but he was aware that every second he spent with him was a second that this creep wasn't groping Olivia.

'Ah! Thought so. I can always tell. You know,' he said, adopting an exaggerated casual tone, 'she talks to you in her sleep.'

'...She does?' Elliot really could not understand this guy's train of thought. He wondered idly if he was on some kind of illegal drug and whether he could get his mate in Narcotics to raid the creep's apartment. Maybe that could be Plan B.

'Yup.' Gerard grinned. 'I think you definitely missed a chance there. Like I said, she's good. I mean, she's really, really good. And, well, obviously I would know.'

Elliot just stood there.

'I'm fairly sure she was pretty hung up on you, you know. That first night in the bar you were really the only thing she talked about.' He winked. 'I'm assuming that you two never actually got round to it, because I don't get that vibe off of you, plus I don't really think you'd have the balls to go through with it, no offence. But if you did, then your reputation certainly precedes you, judging by her little performance the other night.' He raised the pitch of his voice into a poor imitation of Olivia's. 'Oh, Elliot, oh, oh, Elliot!'

'You're a liar.'

'Nope.' He held up his little finger and offered it. 'Pinkie swear?'

Elliot just glared.

'OK, maybe not. Anyway, though, I'm not complaining. You just made it that much easier for me. Plus, you know, I kind of like it when they're damaged, which your precious Olivia most certainly is. I'd say someone definitely did a number on her at some point.' He leaned in conspiratorially and smiled. 'I don't mind the damaged ones, you know. They're more fun. It's almost as much fun as when they try to fight you.'

Elliot looked into Gerard's face and for a second he actually felt afraid. Then Gerard was back to his usual casual self and heading for the door. 'Lovely to have this chat with you, Elliot, we really must get to know each other better some time!'

**_A/N: Thanks for reading, and please review - I love to hear what you think, and what can I say, I get a big kick out of the 'Review Alert' popping up in my email. Thanks for everyone who has reviewed already, and especially the people who review every chapter without fail - you are champions. Enough said. _**

**_(I promise the E/O is coming. Just a couple more chapters! I know, I'm a tease. Sadly though however much I tried I couldn't find a way to fit it into the storyline before then. Sigh.)  
><em>**

**_The update for 'Renewal' should be going up tomorrow, so check back if you're into that one too!  
><em>**

**_Incidentally, before I get flamed - just in case anyone got the wrong idea, I do not hate Catholics. I am one. It is going somewhere and will be very relevant. I promise._**

**_This is a long note. I'll shut up now. But please review!  
><em>**


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Yes, I updated again already! What can I say, I got a really awesome review from someone last time (not a ridiculously overflattering one, though goodness knows those are enjoyable to my ego) but just a really, really awesome one, and it got me moving on getting this one finished extra super fast! Kristy6, thank you, and hopefully you like this one too... Everyone else, I hope you like it too, and as always, please r+r, and maybe I'll get the next one out in double-quick time too!**_

'Gerard, I'm really sorry about how Elliot behaved yesterday. I don't know what came over him.' Olivia rolled onto her front and rested her head against his chest.

Gerard snorted. 'I do. He's jealous.' He smiled and kissed her. 'He's jealous that I have you and he doesn't.' He put his arm around her and began to stroke her shoulders.

Olivia smiled doubtfully. 'Sure.'

'Seriously, if I had to look at you every day and know that I could never have you...' He trailed off and stroked her hair. Suddenly his voice changed. 'But that son of a bitch needs to watch himself if he doesn't back the fuck off, I swear to God...'

'Hey. Gerard. Calm down.' She smiled up at him and stroked his chest. 'He will, he just needs some time to get over himself. We've been friends for years, and I know him. This is just how he is.'

Gerard carried on stroking her hair, but Olivia felt him tighten his grip on her shoulder. 'If he doesn't back the fuck off soon, then I'll fucking well make him.'

Olivia laughed. 'No offence, but you do know he used to be in the Marines, right?' She pulled herself up and lay across his chest, the side of her head tucked under his chin. 'You don't have anything to worry about. It's you I chose, Gerard, not him.' She took his hand and interlocked her fingers with his. 'He just needs to get used to that.'

'Hmmmm.' Gerard sounded distracted. He began to run his hand up and down her bare back. 'You know, it doesn't come down to strength or brawn, Olivia. It comes down to brains and ingenuity.'

'It does?'

She felt him nod. 'It's easy. Make them think they're in charge. Make them think they're the smart one. Figure out their weakness, everyone has one.'

'Wow, you'd make a really good supervillain, you know that?'

Gerard laughed and kissed the top of her head, wrapping both arms around her back and pulling her tightly against him. 'Only if I could have you to be my sidekick.'

She looked up and pouted at him. 'Why do I have to be the sidekick?'

He raised his eyebrows at her. 'Well, you just said I was the supervillain. When is the supervillain ever somebody's sidekick?'

'Oh, yeah.' Olivia thought about it. 'Maybe we could just be equal partners in evil.'

'Nope. I'm the supervillain.' Gerard was clearly trying not to laugh. 'Plus...' He paused and ran the tip of his index finger slowly down her spine. 'You are way, way too sexy to be a supervillain...'

She looked up at him and smiled. 'Oh, I am, am I?'

'Definitely.' He tightened his arms around her back and kissed her hard on the mouth, moving down the side of her neck to her shoulder. 'Far, far too sexy...'

'Gerard...' Olivia stifled a laugh and pushed him away. 'I have to be at work in 45 minutes...'

Gerard sighed. 'Fine... I can still do this though, right?' He wrapped his arms around her again and kissed her.

'Oh yes...' Olivia smiled and kissed the side of his neck. 'That you can do...'

'God, you'd make such a sexy sidekick, Olivia...' He slid his hand down and began to stroke the small of her back. 'I can just imagine you in the outfit...'

Olivia smiled and kissed him again. 'I still don't see why I have to be the sidekick.'

'All the best sidekicks are sexy, I mean there's Fred and Daphne, James Bond and whichever girl he's banging, Superman and Lois Lane...'

'Batman and Robin?' Olivia raised one eyebrow at him.

'Good point.' Gerard made a face. 'But I should still be the supervillain. I have all the evil ingenuity. Did I ever tell you that I was a massive nerd at school?'

She laughed. 'No! What were you, a maths geek?'

'Please, do I look like a calculator freak to you? Nah, I was all about making things. I used to love taking things like the radio apart to see how they worked.' He paused. 'Of course, it was still a couple of years before I was good enough at it to figure out how they all went back together properly.'

'Wow, your mother must have loved that.'

'Nah, Ma was pretty cool. Though the time she caught me messing around with the new telly she gave me a good hiding.' He smiled. 'Then I started taking old bits and bobs apart and making new things with the pieces. I remember when I was about ten how me and my brothers made a kind of burglar alarm outside our house by tying a piece of fishing line across the gate so anyone coming in would trip it. We got the alarm part from a kid's toy someone had dumped in the field behind our house, so whenever anyone came knocking they'd suddenly be hearing loud cow noises coming from the bush by the gate. Now, that got some funny looks, I'll tell you that much.'

Olivia burst out laughing. 'So... you're an evil supervillain who terrifies his foes into submission by playing farm animal noises at them?'

'What, you got a better idea?'

Olivia smiled. 'Well, Elliot always used to say-' She caught herself when she felt Gerard's hands tighten uncomfortably on her back. _Shit_. 'I'm sorry, I-'

'What the fuck is it that this guy has, Olivia?' He pushed her off, got up and started to get dressed. 'Feeding me all this crap about how you chose me, not him? I swear, if I find out you've been screwing him-'

'No, no, it's not that, we're-'

Gerard interrupted her, 'You know, Olivia, you've never really done much or said much when we're in bed. I mean, sometimes you'll make little noises but there's never any unrestrained cries, and no screaming my name at the top of your lungs. There's no... honest-to-God, uninhibited passion with you.' He paused. 'Now that would be OK. Maybe that's just you. We both know you can be a bit of a cold fish, so maybe you're just not one for wild passion. That is, except for once.'

He paused, and Olivia felt her stomach turn over.

'Do you remember that one night, Olivia, where we were on the couch in your apartment? You had your eyes squeezed shut - which, by the way, you ALWAYS do - and I don't know what it was, maybe your mind just...' - he spat angrily - 'WANDERED for a moment, but suddenly, like you never had before and never have since, you grabbed onto me and pushed my face down into the side of your neck and pressed yourself against me and held on like... And I thought, wow. Wow.' He smiled bitterly at her. 'Then you cried 'oh Elliot, Elliot, oh, oh, Elliot.' He paused again. 'So, Olivia, don't you fucking dare try and tell me that you're just friends.'

'Gerard, I promise you Elliot and I just friends. I don't know... why that happened, but believe me, it didn't mean anything, it must have just been a freak thing,' said Olivia desperately. She pulled the sheet around her, jumped out of bed and grabbed his arm. 'We work together. Seriously, there's nothing more to it than that, Gerard, I promise.'

He brushed her hand off and stared at her coldly. 'There better not be.'

**_A/N: OK, that's it for now guys... send me a review or two if you like it, or even if you don't, and maybe it'll get the next one done even sooner! (the E/O is coming. I promise. There's like one more chapter before it, and then it's pretty constant for the rest of it. Trust me. You'll enjoy it.)_**


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Look, I did Chapter 8 for you already! Your reviews made a difference so thank you everyone who reviewed this time around. Are you all happy? I hope so. And I hope you still will be by the end of this chapter... As ever, please let me know either way, and I'll see how quick I can get the next one done (And everyone who is just about going nuts with anticipation over the promised E/O? It's in the next chapter. Or, at least, the first bit is. There's more after that.)**_

'OK, we've got yet another victim, this one attacked two days ago near the corner of 85th and Columbus.' Cragen looked around to make sure that they were all listening closely. 'We've only heard about it now because when she presented for treatment at the local clinic, she refused to call the police to report it. But, it seems, she's had a good think and decided maybe it would be best to let us know after all.' He sighed. 'She's bathed and changed and so on, so evidence-wise there's not much, but she's on her way down now to talk to us anyway.'

'We sure it's the same guy?' asked Olivia. Elliot jumped. He hadn't noticed her slip in and stand next to him. He looked at her properly and saw the dark circles under her eyes. _Clearly Gerard was busy keeping her up all night then_. He clenched his fists and took some deep breaths.

'Positive,' replied Cragen. 'Same description, same MO... and another one in this completely new area, which I still don't understand. Why would he suddenly decide to move to the other end of town to attack girls there?'

'Maybe he changed jobs?' suggested Fin.

Cragen shrugged. 'Maybe. Also, this victim's the same type as the one a few days ago, which marks a complete change from his earlier victim of choice. That's something else we need to figure out.' He looked at Fin. 'Fin, John, I want you to go down to the scene and see if you can find anyone who remembers anything. Elliot, you stay here and talk with the victim. And let's work quickly on this, everyone, it's only a matter of time, you know that.' He turned to Olivia, who quickly stifled a yawn. 'Olivia, you're going to be working with some guys in Boston for the next few days. They've got some similar cases flagged up which could be related to ours, and it'd be useful to have a pair of eyes up there.'

'Boston?' Olivia was surprised.

'Yes, Olivia, Boston. I have you on a flight out of LaGuardia in less than two hours, so I'd head to the airport now if I were you.' He gave her a look. 'Maybe you could catch up on that sleep on the plane.' Olivia inwardly cringed. 'OK, Detective, that's all.'

Olivia turned to go to her desk and found that Elliot was standing right behind her. 'Long night, Liv?' He didn't sound concerned so much as faintly spiteful.

_Fantastic._ 'Just... couldn't sleep much.' Olivia didn't really want to look him in the eye.

'Trouble in paradise?' said Elliot in a snide tone.

'Drop it, El.' She didn't sound angry, more just tired. Elliot decided to let it go for now. 'I have to go get my stuff to catch this flight to Boston.' She tried to push past him.

Elliot quickly stepped in front of her and cleared his throat._ OK, this was going to be awkward_. 'Uh, Liv, before you go... I'm sorry. I think you were right about that other victim telling the truth. I was an ass.'

She looked at him and smiled. 'Wow, and you never apologise.'

'Ha, I know.' _And to be honest, I probably wouldn't do it for anyone else._ 'But what can I say, you were right, Liv, and I should have listened.'

She looked at the floor and bit her lip. 'Elliot... I think you might have been right too. About Gerard.'

This was something he wasn't expecting. 'What do you mean? What happened?'

She shifted awkwardly on the spot. 'There's... sometimes he says things which make me wonder, they don't seem quite right. I'm probably just being paranoid, El, but there's...' She stopped. 'Look, I know this makes me sound insane, but would you mind maybe...' _God, this makes me sound like a crazy bitch._ 'Um... maybe doing some checks on him? He told me he's Scots, and I know you have friends and cousins in the UK, and I've noticed all these gaping holes in the stories he tells me, and... There's a lot of stuff he never explains properly.'

Elliot frowned. 'What kind of stuff?' _Maybe I can get an excuse to arrest him and deport the little shit. She'd never follow him back to Scotland._

'Well. not much in particular, but...' _Now I sound even crazier. Fantastic. _ 'Little things just don't seem right to me.'

'Uh, Liv...' _Why was he doing this? She might finally break up with the creep! The hell with your conscience! No... she had to do this by herself. And she would. Wouldn't she? Elliot, don't ruin this for her if you don't have to. It's not fair._ 'Maybe... do you not think you should maybe wait and see if he tells you himself in his own time?'

She shook her head. 'No, El. I mean, it sounds really paranoid, but... I get a weird feeling off of him sometimes.' _Such as I think he might be some kind of sociopath. Ish. Well, maybe._

'Then why don't you just break up with him?' Elliot was trying his best to keep himself from sounding too hopeful. _If I'm not actually telling her to do it, then it doesn't count._ 'You know, if you're not sure?'

'No, because it might just be me. I need this relationship to work out, El, and I'm not going to ruin it just because I'm getting the jitters.' She paused. 'But on the other hand... something's just not right about him. Do you know what I mean?'

_It's almost as much fun as when they fight you._

Elliot felt the same chill run down his spine again. 'Uh, sure, Liv, I'll do that as soon as I can.'

She smiled at him. 'Thanks.'

'That's OK, Liv.' He paused, then held out his arms. 'Friends?'

She laughed, stepped forward and hugged him. 'Yes, Elliot, friends.'

'OK, you two, we're going have to cut short the little love-in you have going on right now, our new victim's here,' shouted Cragen from across the room. 'Olivia, didn't I tell you to go to the airport already?'

Elliot let go of Olivia, looked across the room and froze. 'Uh, Cap, is that her?'

'Yes, Detective, it is, now get to it.' Cragen went back into his office and closed the door.

'What's up, El?' Olivia turned around and saw what the problem was.

'Jesus, Olivia, she looks like you.' Elliot couldn't believe the resemblance.

'I don't know, El, I mean she's got dark hair and eyes, but...' Olivia was trying to shake off a feeling of dread that had settled over her.

'Liv.' He looked at her. 'She is the absolute image of you. Look at her.'

Olivia didn't want to. 'I know.'

A door banged open and Cragen re-emerged, more bad-tempered than ever. Elliot wondered if maybe the higher-ups were giving him trouble over this now that the press had gotten hold of the story. 'Sorry, we're just-'

Cragen cut him off. 'Elliot, I don't care. OLIVIA. AIRPORT. NOW.'

Olivia was still chewing her lip nervously. Elliot sighed and rubbed her arm reassuringly. 'Olivia, don't worry, I swear I'll look into this while you're gone.' He smiled at her. 'I promise.'

Cragen rolled his eyes impatiently. 'Detective Benson. NOW.'

Olivia rolled her eyes, flashed Elliot a quick smile and grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair. 'Thanks El. I'll see you when I get back.'

Elliot watched her go. He didn't have a good feeling about this.

_**A/N: Did you like it? And are you excited for the next chapter? I got seven reviews this time, let's see if we can beat that this time! Seriously though, thanks for your feedback. It really helps me when it comes to making decisions on where to take certain subplots, even if I have the main story arc planned out - and of course it gives me an added incentive to get writing quickly on the next chapter. And now... I shall begin on Chapter 9. I think you'll like that one a lot. I kind of already started it a little bit before I'd even finished the last two, and... I really enjoyed what I wrote so far.**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: What's this? Is it the long awaited Chapter 9? Why yes, yes it is. I hope you enjoy it, and when you're done, send me a review to let me know what you liked!**_

It had been hours since he'd finally gotten home and Elliot still hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. On the one hand he really wanted to find something to make Gerard look bad, but on the other... it could really hurt her. She had asked him to look, but that didn't mean she was prepared for what he might find. He kept asking himself whether the bad feeling he had had about Gerard since the beginning was actually the natural instinct everyone developed after years of working as a cop, or whether it was just plain old jealousy. _Just because you blew your chance with her once, doesn't mean she's yours_, he reminded himself. _Don't let being all jealous and possessive screw up how close you are, and don't let it screw up this relationship for her if it turns out the guy's clean. You missed your shot, that doesn't mean you get to mess things up for her now. You had your chance, and it didn't work out. Live with it._

Trouble was, he'd been trying that for five years already, and he wasn't getting any better at it.

x-x-x-x-x-x

_'You told Cragen you wanted a new partner?' Elliot had been working this over and over in his head the entire way from the precinct to Olivia's apartment, and he'd somehow managed to make himself even angrier._

_Olivia sighed. 'Nice to see you too, Elliot.' She stepped aside and held the door open. 'Why don't you come in, so we can continue this conversation like mature adults?'_

_'Jesus, Olivia, do you always have to be such a bitch?'_

_Olivia rolled her eyes and went to sit down on the couch. Elliot might be spoiling for a fight, but that didn't mean she had to put up with his crap. She picked up a magazine and started flicking through it. 'You just tell me when you're ready to talk about this like an adult, Elliot, rather than a spoiled child.' She looked back down and turned the page. She heard the front door slam, and then suddenly Elliot had ripped the magazine out of her hands and thrown it against the far wall. 'Elliot, what the hell-'_

_'You don't get to pull this shit, Olivia!'_

_'Excuse me, Elliot, but exactly what 'shit' do I not get to 'pull'?' Olivia's voice had gotten dangerously quiet. 'As far as I can remember, it was you who said we couldn't work together any more.'_

_'...Well, yes, I did, but... Olivia, that's not what I meant...'_

_'How in fuck's name, Elliot, was that not what you meant?' she snapped._

_'Well, I was... I was... angry. At, you know, Gitano.'_

_Olivia snorted. 'My arse.'_

_'FINE, then, I was... I was UPSET.'_

_'And?' She crossed her arms and sat back expectantly._

_'And...' He sighed. Damn her. 'And scared. A bit.'_

_'A bit.'_

_He gritted his teeth. 'Yes, a bit.'_

_'Well, fuck you, Elliot, because if that meant you had to blame it all on me then you're an asshole.' She stood up. 'Get out.'_

_'What, that's IT?'_

_'What do you mean, that's IT? What the hell else did you come to say? 'I was scared, and I was upset, and rather than deal like it with a man I decided to palm it all off on you, because it was easier'?'_

_'God, Olivia, what the hell is wrong with you?'_

_'With ME? What the hell is wrong with ME? I'm not the one running away from it, Elliot, I'm not the one blaming everyone but myself for what I did! I was scared too, Elliot, and did you give a shit? No, it was all about YOU, what YOU wanted, what YOU needed!'_

_'Olivia, if it was all about me than why the hell would I have gone to you rather than to help that boy? I'm going to feel guilty about that for the rest of my life and you think that I'm only thinking of myself?'_

_Olivia sighed. 'Elliot, would you rather I had died?'_

_His jaw dropped. 'God, no, Liv, I-'_

_'Because it seems to me that the problem for you is not just that you went to me, but that you went to me and it turned out that I was OK. What if I hadn't been? What if you had run to me and, instead of it having miraculously been a flesh wound, I had bled out and died right there?' Her eyes filled with tears and she wiped them away angrily with the back of her hand. 'You could have felt me die today, Elliot. You could have felt me bleeding, felt me stop breathing, held me in your arms until you finally realised that I was dead. Is that what you wanted? To be able to hold my hand and stroke my hair, comforting me until I died, and then to close my eyes and wait with me until someone finally came take my body away?' She hadn't stopped playing this scenario over and over in her head since it had happened. She choked back another sob and impatiently wiped her eyes again. 'Was it that you needed to be able to know that, whatever grief you were feeling afterwards, I had known that you were there with me? The boy would have still been killed, but you would have been with me, holding me, so that I wouldn't have had to die alone. Would that have been better?' _

_'Olivia, how could you ever think that I would want that?' He tried to stroke her face and she swatted his hand away._

_'Because I know that if that had happened, then maybe you wouldn't feel that you'd chosen the wrong person to help. It's the fact that I'm still alive that makes this so difficult for you to accept, but Elliot, you chose me. You have to live with that. Stop making me feel guilty for having survived. It's not fair.'_

_'Come on, Liv, it's hardly my fault that you feel-'_

_'Yes, Elliot, it is.'_

_'How, Liv? Just tell me how. Go on.'_

_She sighed. 'Because, Elliot, you're terrified to lose me, and I know it.'_

_'And that's meant to be a bad thing?'_

_'No, it's not. But Elliot, you need to accept that fear and that you let it cloud your judgment, rather than blaming me for making you do things. It was your choice. It's always your choice.'_

_'Not when you go behind my back to get yourself reassigned.'_

_'Why, would it have been better for me to say I was thinking about it and then hold it over your head like a threat for God knows how long?'_

_Elliot felt a twinge of guilt. She did have a point there. 'Olivia, I'm sorry. That was wrong.'_

_'You're damn right it was wrong!' snapped Olivia._

_Elliot had had enough. 'For God's sake, it's not like you're completely blame-free in all this. You're completely overreacting. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised though. I mean, take that little speech a minute ago. You've always been a bit of a drama queen, haven't you, Liv?'_

_Her jaw dropped. 'You... you...' She raised her hand as if she were going to hit him. 'You SON OF A-'_

_He caught her hand mid-slap and held it. There was a moment of silence. Neither of them made any move to let go._

_She looked at him pointedly. 'Well, this is awkward.'_

_'Liv, I'm sorry, the reason why I got so upset... well... I...'_

_Olivia interlocked her fingers with his and squeezed his hand tightly. Her expression had softened and become vaguely thoughtful. 'You know, I really should be telling you that you're a thoughtless, selfish bastard.' She began to stroke his palm with her thumb. 'A selfish, arrogant bastard.'_

_'Liv, I-'_

_'But you know what, Elliot? I can't say that.' She smiled softly at him. 'Because I know that you think that enough of yourself already. And it's not true.'_

_'Olivia.' Elliot took a deep breath. 'I think I lo-'_

_'Shut up.' Olivia grabbed the back of his head with her other hand and pulled him down towards her, kissing him hard. She pushed him back against the wall and began to tug at his clothes, roughly yanking his jacket off and throwing it on the floor, shedding her own as he began to undo the buttons on the front of her shirt, fumbling with them a little as he did so. She batted his hand away impatiently and tore her shirt open herself, a dozen tiny buttons flying off and skittering across the room, and then wrapped both arms back around his back and pulled him backwards across the room, hoisting herself up to perch on the edge of her kitchen table. She shoved her trousers down past her knees and then she was kissing him again, pushing her tongue into his mouth, her hands inside his shirt and her fingernails digging into his skin as she grabbed at his back. _

_He unbuckled his belt and let his trousers drop to the floor, kicking them away, and started to push down the waistband of her underwear as she slid her hands across his back, kissing him roughly, her teeth briefly snagging on his bottom lip as she ran her tongue across the upper edge of his mouth. He went to lift her and carry her to her bedroom, but she put up a hand to stop him. 'No.'_

_'...No?' Elliot tried to hide his horror. She couldn't have suddenly decided she didn't want to do this, not now, not after-_

_She saw what he was thinking and shook her head. 'No, Elliot. Here. Now.' She tried to kick off her trousers and one leg caught, bunched around her ankle. She swore and tugged at them until he finally helped her to wrestle them off and pushed her back against the table, feeling the bevelled edge digging into the front of his legs as she parted her knees. He wrapped both arms around her lower back and pressed himself tightly against her, feeling her legs tighten against the sides of his waist. She pulled him in to kiss her again, harder, and buried her face in the side of his neck. He could feel the sharp edges of her teeth against his skin as she kissed him, her fingernails clawing at his back._

_He stopped and looked at her._

_She was balanced on the edge of the table, shirt ripped open at the front, with her arms around his back and her knees gripping the sides of his waist, looking at him expectantly._

_He hesitated. 'Uh, Liv, this isn't really romant-'_

_She moved one hand up his back, pulled him in and kissed him roughly on the mouth, her fingers tightening almost uncomfortably on the back of his neck. He felt her grasp both sides of his face between her hands, her thumbs sitting just beneath the line of his jaw, and she pulled back a little, still staying close enough that he could feel her breath on his face. She looked into his eyes and, for a second, he caught a hint of something like pleading. 'Elliot. For God's sake, shut your mouth. I need this. You need this. Do it.'_

_He did._

_When he woke up the next morning, lying awkwardly on the floor beside the table, she was gone._

x-x-x-x-x-x_  
><em>

He still didn't know what he'd done wrong. He'd started to think that maybe it wasn't about him at all. Maybe it had never really been about him. Elliot sighed, lay down on the couch and tried to sleep.

It was 3am that morning when Elliot was woken up by his phone ringing. He swore to himself, dug through all the pockets of his jacket and finally found it hiding beneath a screwed-up handkerchief. 'Hello?'

'Elliot, it's Don Cragen. I need you down at the Hudson River Greenway, now. Near West 76th Street.'

Elliot stood up and started to get dressed. 'Is there another victim? Where is she?'

At the other end of the phone he heard a sigh. 'There is another victim, Elliot, but this time she's dead.'

_**A/N: Thanks for all your support so far, guys, and I really hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Send me a review, let me know what you thought, and in the meantime I'll get straight onto writing Chapter 10!**_


	10. Chapter 10

**_A/N: As promised, here's Chapter 10, as fast as I could get it done__! I hope you all like it, and once you've read it send me a quick review and let me know what you thought!_**

'It looks like he raped her, beat her, choked her, tried to drown her, and then when that didn't work he stabbed her repeatedly.' Warner looked up at him. 'So far I've counted 14 stab wounds to the chest and upper body.'

'That's some pretty serious overkill,' muttered Fin. 'Who the hell'd she piss off?'

'Are...' Elliot took a deep breath. 'Are you sure she wasn't already dead when he stabbed her? I mean, maybe... sometimes...'

Warner shook her head. 'She has defensive cuts all over her hands. She would have tried to grab the knife repeatedly during the attack.'

Elliot glanced back down at the girl and quickly looked away again. Every time he looked at her, the resemblance just got stronger and stronger. The dark hair, the dark eyes... this girl was much younger, maybe 18 or 19, but he'd seen photos of Olivia when she was at college, and... it could be her lying there. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. OK. He could do this now.

Fin shot him a puzzled look. 'When do you think she died?'

'I'd say probably the night before last.'

'It's amazing someone didn't find her before now.' Fin looked around. 'This is a pretty open area.'

'Well, because it's been so cold lately, there haven't been many visitors. The way the wind comes in off the Hudson, it'd feel even colder than it was. He still took a hell of a risk though.' This had been deemed important enough that Cragen had actually gotten out of bed and come down here himself. He shivered and hunched down further into his coat, looking thoroughly miserable.

'I know...' Elliot paused thoughtfully. 'This doesn't look planned. This is angry, as if... as if... well, it looks personal.' _Like maybe he was angry with someone else and took it out on her instead. Someone else who maybe looked just like her. NO, Elliot. Stop looking for things that aren't there_. _Focus._ 'Is there any ID on her?'

Fin was already rifling through the girl's handbag. 'New Hampshire driver's licence says Amy Monaghan, and there's a student ID here from Siena College.'

Elliot felt his stomach turn over. _Siena was Liv's old college. He remembered taking her to a reunion event there once after her date cancelled at the last minute and she didn't want to go on her own. _'Uh, why's she in the city? Isn't Siena up in Albany?'

'Yeah, but there's an invitation in her bag for an event at a bar nearby. Maybe she met someone there.' Fin held out the ID and waited patiently for a few seconds before clearing his throat pointedly. 'Elliot. ID?'

Elliot glanced up absently and took it. 'Oh, thanks.' He scrutinised it closely, turning it over in his hands. _Jesus, she looked even more like Liv in this photograph. She came into the city for a party, ran into a guy in a bar she liked or who liked the look of her, and then when he found out where she went to college it was like the perfect storm and suddenly his usual thing wasn't enough any more... No, Elliot, stop conjecturing like an idiot. You just need to stop thinking about Liv for five minutes so that you can do your job properly. It's what this girl deserves. Focus. _ 'It's pretty bad luck to come all the way into the city for one party and then end up encountering the local psycho.'

'You make it sound like there's only one of them out there.' Fin shook his head. 'These girls from upstate, they have no idea how different it is here in the city. You can't just go off with someone you met five minutes ago in some bar.'

_I know, I've told Liv that enough times._ 'Well, you know, they grow up in a small town, go to a small college, and if it never occurs to their parents to warn them of the dangers out there... how can we really expect them to know any different?'

Fin didn't look convinced. 'I suppose. You'd think they'd get some idea from the TV or Internet or something, though. I mean, how many smartass kids who watch too much CSI do we get to see every day?' He sighed, and then frowned thoughtfully. 'You were right, though, it does look personal. That kind of overkill isn't something you normally see on a garden-variety stranger assault. I mean, that much anger? That definitely suggests to me that it was someone she already knew. Maybe a boyfriend or someone came down from Albany with her, got jealous of the attention she got at the bar...'

_I hope so._ 'We, uh, ought to go to the bar, check if anyone remembers her or anyone she was there with.'

Fin gave him an exasperated look. 'Oh really, Elliot, because I was thinking we should just go sing and dance in the street until someone comes up and offers us information.'

'Look, just lay off, OK?' snapped Elliot. 'This isn't the time for stupid jokes!'

'Jesus, Elliot, what bit you in the ass today?'

'Nothing, I just think that maybe you ought to stop making silly jokes and focus on this girl! She's someone's daughter, someone's sister, and she's been lying dead in some crappy dogshit-filled park in a strange city for nearly two days! You can't think that she doesn't matter, you can't just pretend like she's not even here just because-'

'Elliot.' Cragen put his hand on Elliot's arm. 'Are you all right? You've been working longer and longer hours lately, and to be honest I think that it's been taking its toll on you.'

'Cap, I'm fine-'

Cragen cut him off. 'You look exhausted, and I don't think I've seen you eat anything in days. Elliot... sometimes you need to take a break if it's getting too much. This job will take it out of you.'

Elliot sighed._ It's not about the job. It should be but it's not._ 'No, it's OK.' He gestured at the girl. 'This about her, not me.'

Cragen didn't look convinced. 'Elliot, you look awful. I'll understand if you want to excuse yourself from this one.'

'No.' Elliot shook him off. 'No, I'm fine. Let's do this.'

_**A/N: What did you think? I know that there's no Liv in this one but she'll be back next chapter, and I reckon the big-time E/O and/or smut fans out there will enjoy that one a lot. In the meantime, send me a review of this one, and I'll try and get down to getting the next one finished ASAP.**_

_**Also, I have the first chapter of a new and much darker story going up either this evening or tomorrow morning that I've been working on. It's called 'Heritage', and if you like this story, I think you'll enjoy that one too - or, at least, I hope so!**_


	11. Chapter 11

**_A/N: So over the past day or so I've had a couple of really amazing reviews which have restored my confidence in my writing after a couple of knocks. So, to say thanks to them (Creatively-Krazy__ and prettymuchthesame323, I'm looking at you)__ I really put a rush on this chapter for you, and I hope you'll enjoy it! (with me, reviews are the quickest way to get me working my ass off to get things finished, so if you want to know what happens next, you know what to do...)_**

'I heard what happened today, El.'

Elliot looked up to see Olivia standing in the doorway. 'Hey, Liv, didn't realise you were back from Boston till tomorrow morning.'

She came and sat down beside him and laid her hand on his shoulder. 'I wasn't meant to be but I heard about, well, today... and I thought you might... I wanted to see how you were.' She smiled softly at him and stroked the side of his face. 'Are you OK, El?'

Elliot looked at the floor. 'She was younger than Kathleen, Liv.'

'I know.' Olivia hesitated and bit her lip thoughtfully. 'Do you think-'

'Warner said she'd been dead for about a day or so. I spent pretty much the whole day at the park and then the morgue... It's just one hell of an escalation. I wasn't expecting it.'

'And was it-'

'It was the same guy, Liv. I know it was. Don't ask me why, but... I just know.'

'Don't worry, El, I believe you.' She squeezed his hand reassuringly. 'I understand.'

He smiled at her. 'I knew you would.' _They'd always had a special connection that way._ 'Uh, did you turn up anything useful in Boston?'

'Yes, El. I looked at it from every possible angle, and I'm sure that it's the same guy. It looks like he's been working up to this for some time. He wouldn't be the first to do it.'

_Well, at least that gave them something else to work with._ 'You think there's definitely a link?'

She nodded. 'Yes. There was a lot of ground to cover, but yes, I'm sure.' She smiled at him. 'I kept thinking that I could really have used your help up there, El. I missed you.'

He smiled back. 'I missed you too.' He looked down and started picking at his fingernails. 'Um... Liv... I didn't mean to hurt you. I swear.'

'I know, El.' She smiled ruefully and buried her face in her hands. 'God, I can't believe what a mess I've made-'

'Hey. Hey.' Elliot eased her hands away. 'Look at me, Liv.'

She sighed and sat up. 'I feel awful-'

'Liv, don't be stupid. This is not your fault. And hey, even if somehow it was, someone as great as you deserves at least one free pass.'

She snorted. 'Bull.'

'No, it's not.' He pulled her towards him and hugged her tightly. 'It's not bull, Liv. You know why? Because I say so, that's why. And I'm always right.'

Olivia's voice was muffled against the front of his shirt. 'Asshole.'

Elliot laughed. 'That's my Liv.' He kissed the top of her head and began to stroke her hair. She smiled and wrapped her arms around him. It was amazing how easily he could make everything seem OK, however bad things were. Huang would probably have a lot to say about that, but right now she didn't care. She closed her eyes and sat there, just listening to the sound of his heart beating and breathing in the ever-comforting smell of his shirt.

After a few minutes she felt him kiss the top of her head again. 'Liv, it'll all come out fine. In a few weeks you'll look back on this and wonder why you got so upset.' He pulled away a little and nudged her chin up to face him. 'Really.' He smiled at her again. 'I promise.'

Olivia opened her mouth to reply, paused, and then grabbed the back of his neck with her hand and pulled him in to kiss her. She moved her other hand up to grip the spot where his neck met his right shoulder as he slid his hands down her back. She felt his thumbs stroking the sides of her waist, before he wrapped his arms around her again and stood up, lifting her to her feet and pressing her body into his. 'Liv, are you sure-'

She hugged him tightly, kissed him again and pulled his face down into her neck, pressing her cheek against his and whispering in his ear. 'Elliot, will you just for once shut your mouth, there's no one here and I know that you want me too, that's what all the arguing, all the awkwardness has been about... I think it's waited long enough, don't you?'

She had a point. But... nope, he had to say it. 'Liv, uh, what about Gerard?'

She pulled away and raised her eyebrows at him. 'Well, to be honest I was hoping that we could maybe do this without him, Elliot.'

'No, I mean... he's your boyfriend.'

'Fuck buddy.'

'OK... well, he's your fuck buddy, then... don't you think...'

'Elliot.' She stopped and looked straight into his eyes. 'Fuck him.'

'Do I have to? Because I was kind of thinking maybe you did enough for both of us...'

Olivia laughed and pulled him backwards so her back was pressed up against the lockers, kissing him hard. She hoisted herself up and wrapped both her legs around his waist as he used one hand to brace against the locker doors, the other unsnapping the poppers on the front of her shirt and then running across and around her bare back. OK, enough. Her trousers had to be off, right now. She braced her back firmly against the lockers and tightened her left arm's hold across his back, moving her other hand down to her waist and flicking open the top button. Elliot was vaguely aware of her unbuckling his belt as he carried her over to the metal cot against the far wall.

It wasn't like it had been the first time. There was none of the urgency to it, none of the sense of frantic, desperate need, as if both of them were afraid that they might change their minds (_that she might change her mind_) if they hesitated long enough to actually think about it. This time, she actually looked at him, touched the sides of his face, finally sliding both her hands around his back and pressing herself against him tightly. Rather than wriggling away almost immediately afterwards, making some awkward excuse, she stayed where she was, her arms still around his back and holding him tightly as he lay on top of her, still inside of her, his weight pushing her body down into the lumpy mattress of the metal cot.

He stayed like that for as long as he could, running his hand over the curves of her body as he kissed her, brushing her hair back off her face as she stroked the back of his neck, and only reluctantly shifted over to lie on the mattress beside her after she had drifted off to sleep. He lay on his side and watched her breathing in and out, her breaths becoming slower and more regular, and suddenly he had to touch her again. He didn't want to admit it yet, but he knew that there was a good chance that tomorrow everything could go back to how it had been before. He didn't want to think that the last time he would ever be able to touch her like this and to move his hand across her bare skin was already gone.

He looked at her again and stroked her hair, resting one hand on her abdomen to feel it rise and fall as she breathed. Her skin was warm beneath his hand as he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. Suddenly he felt her move, and her hand was clasped around his, and she was awake and kissing him again, pushing him down into the mattress and guiding his hand down her stomach, tightening her legs around it. Her other arm wrapped around his back and she pulled him back on top of her, her fingernails dragging across his skin as she clenched her fists and breathed into his ear, whispering something unintelligible and laughing softly to herself.

Elliot suddenly stopped mid-kiss. 'Liv, did you hear that?'

Her eyes snapped open. 'Hear what?' Jeez, she didn't know what he thought he was doing to her, but this was just...

'Ssssh...' And then she heard it. Footsteps.

'Shit!' She quickly pushed him away from her, jumped up and yanked up her trousers, then started frantically buttoning the front of her shirt up. Across the room Elliot straightened his shirt and pulled up the zip on his trousers before adopting what she assumed was meant to be a casual pose against the far wall. She sighed. Maybe there was a reason he didn't do much undercover work any more.

The door swung open and Munch wandered in. 'Oh. Hey, guys, didn't expect to see anyone else here this late.' He stopped when he saw Elliot. 'Elliot, what the heck are you doing?'

'What do you mean?'

'You look like you lost the rest of the T-Birds or something.'

'Oh, I was just... looking at the wall. It's very interesting. The patterns of the cracks, the scraps of old posters, they're almost... uh... ' _What's the name of that artist he keeps going on about who made the weird political collage things?_ _ D something, D... D..._ 'Dodo-esque.'

Munch looked vaguely confused. 'I think you mean Dada. And no, they're not really.' He rolled his eyes, sauntered over to his locker, opened it and started looking through a file. 'Realised I forgot something for the Garrett case, and...' He stopped and turned around. 'Wait, what were you doing here again?'

'Discussing my work in Boston,' interrupted Olivia quickly. 'I just got back and we wanted to get an early start on things before tomorrow.'

Munch shrugged. 'Fair enough.' He shut his locker and headed out the door. 'Oh, wait one second.' He reappeared briefly. 'Just so you know, Liv, your shirt's buttoned up all wrong.'

She looked down. Shit, he was right.

'Oh, and Elliot? Your belt's still unbuckled.' Munch smiled widely. 'Anyway, have a good night.' He raised an eyebrow at them and wandered off smirking.

They looked at each other. Elliot cleared his throat. 'Look, Liv, I...'

Olivia interrupted him before he could say anything else. _There was something else that she needed to clear up before she could talk to him about what had just happened and what it might mean._ 'Elliot, stop. We need to talk before you go. About Gerard.'

_That asshole again. _ Elliot had hoped that they were actually done with this by now. _I mean, it's not like I don't I know you well enough to know that this would just be some one-off rather than the start of anything more, but couldn't you just WAIT another five minutes before you had to ruin it? _ 'For God's sake, I told you, Liv, I haven't heard back-'

'No, El, it's not like that. It's...' Olivia sighed. ' Elliot, I'm really worried. The new pattern... the new type...' She trailed off and tried again. 'El. they're all on nights where he was staying at my apartment and left early. They're all in my area at the right time. The girl who died... what Warner said means she would have been attacked on Wednesday night. Gerard and I, we had a massive fight that night and he stormed out... He was in Boston at the right time too, Elliot.' Her voice caught. 'And it's like you said... they look like me. The new girls look like me.'

_I know, and I'm scared for you._ 'That doesn't necessarily mean anything.-'

'El. We both know enough to know that some perps rape and kill to get back at one specific person. Ted Bundy killed at least 36 girls who looked like the ex-girlfriend who rejected him, right down to their having the same hairstyle. Edmund Kemper killed six girls before he finally worked up the nerve to kill his mother. What if he's raping them to get back at me, El? What if he killed that poor girl because I made him angry?' She looked as if she was fighting back the urge to cry. 'What if it's my fault?'

'Oh, Liv...' He hugged her and stroked her hair. 'Even if he does have something to do with these cases, it's not your fault...'

She cut him off. 'El, I want you to promise me.' She pulled away and looked him straight in the eye. 'Promise me, El. Promise me you'll look into it for me tonight. Chase up that cousin of yours. I just have a bad feeling but right now it's not enough to take to Cragen... please, as a favour to me.' She took his hand and stroked his palm with her thumb, looking at him pleadingly.

_Maybe she hadn't ruined anything after all._ He smiled and kissed her again. 'OK.'

_**A/N: What did you think? Send me a quick review and let me know, and thank you to everyone who has reviewed me so far - it really makes my day to know that someone cared enough about my story to let me know about it.**_

_**I've also got a oneshot going up today called 'Afterthought' which some of you might like (shameless plug shameless plug) which I wrote today because I am bored and stuck in bed with the flu.  
><strong>_

_**(PS: Jennifer, I hope it wasn't too explicit for you.)**_


	12. Chapter 12

**_A/N: Another update of 'Paranoia' for you, freshly written today while watching Mythbusters and planning my trip to NY (and yes, I am so going to seek out the SVU filming sets.) I hope you all like it, and send me a review to let me know what you thought - I like to wait until I get a decent amount of feedback before putting up another chapter (plus, as you've seen before, a really awesomely cool review is a surefire way to make me update super-quick.) Thanks for all your lovely reviews from the last chapter, I'm glad you all liked it so much!_**

By the time Olivia finally got back to her apartment, it was almost midnight. She wondered idly what Elliot was doing. Maybe she should have invited him back here after all... but no. She needed to get this thing with Gerard sorted out first. That thing in the locker room had been... something else, something new, something... _Olivia, stop it._ She had just needed something, maybe just to know that he loved her and needed her as much as she did him. It was nothing more than that, and she knew that. Of course she knew that. She shook her head at herself, and unlocked her front door.

Her apartment was completely dark. _That's weird._ She always left at least one light on when she went out. Olivia had always hated the dark - she didn't like the idea of someone being able to creep up on her. The lightbulb must have burned out or something. She swore to herself and ran her hands along the wall feeling for the switch panel.

Something hit her hard from behind.

Olivia's head span and she lost her balance, falling against the wall and down to the floor. She shook her head, trying to clear it, and suddenly felt a hard kick to the ribs, sending her flying across the floor until she hit the back of the couch. She rolled over onto her front and went for her gun but he was already on her, pinning her down by her wrists and pressing his knee into the small of her back. 'Drop the gun, Olivia, or I swear to God I'll break your spine.'

'You son of a bitch,' spat Olivia. Gerard tutted and leaned forward, pushing his knee harder into her back. Olivia gasped and dropped the gun, and immediately felt Gerard grab her shoulder. He threw her over onto her back, kicked the gun across the room and straddled her abdomen, pinning her wrists to the floor again.

'There we go!' Gerard sighed theatrically, reached over and turned on a table lamp. 'I think it's always so much more fun when we can see what we're doing, don't you?'

'You-'

'NO!' Gerard bent forward and pressed his forearm into her neck. 'I speak, you listen, do you understand me?'

Olivia shut her mouth and nodded.

'Good girl.' He sat back and sighed again. 'Why did you have to do this, Olivia? I really liked you. I mean, really actually liked you.'

She gritted her teeth, glancing around the room for something she could use as a weapon.

He sighed and smiled patronisingly at her. 'No, Liv honey, I wouldn't bother trying to overpower me if I were you. You remember how strong I am, don't you? It was one of the things I think you enjoyed. Funny how someone in your line of work seemed to get off so much on being completely dominated, isn't it? I mean, I've heard about daddy issues, but that's pretty fucked up even for you, Olivia.' He jerked forwards again and pressed his mouth against her ear. 'Do you remember this carpet, bitch? Do you? Well, guess what, we're going to do all the things I fantasised about while I was fucking you on it!' He slapped her hard across the face. 'See, Liv, I tried, I tried to keep it away from you, I really did, I went and found all those other sluts instead, but you just could not leave it alone, now, could you. Why, Olivia?' His voice turned petulant. 'Why did you have to ruin everything?'

'Go to hell.'

He pretended to think about it. 'Hmmm... no.' He pulled his fist back and punched her hard in the chest. She gasped and coughed, and in that second he had leaned forward again and pressed his left forearm across both her wrists, pinning them to the ground, and slapped his right hand over her mouth.

'You see, I know all about you and that dirty mick partner of yours. I know that you asked him to check up on me. I have my sources and I bet they're a hell of a lot better than yours, Detective.' He rolled his eyes at her. 'Damn it, O-LIV-I-A, why couldn't you just TRUST me?'

She just looked at him.

'Did I ever tell you the story about the night my dad left?' He took his hand away from her mouth and began to stroke her hair, smiling down at her as he looked into her eyes. She could feel his breath on her face. 'Some men came to our house one night and got my ma and dad out of their bed, sent him downstairs and told Ma to get her clothes on quick.' He laughed bitterly. 'I will say though, those bastards at least had the courtesy to turn around and look the other way so as she could get dressed without them seeing her in her underclothes.' His voice had turned very cold. 'It was exactly the kind of thing any good Catholic would do.'

Olivia wasn't sure she liked where this was going.

'So, they took me dad and me ma downstairs and they said to her, you sit on here, love, and we'll be right back with your man here, OK? With them holding their fucking AR-15s it's not like she had a choice now, is it?' Gerard balled his right hand into a fist and punched the floor next to Olivia's face, hard. 'Those bastards walked out of there with my dad and we never saw him again. The next day we got moved, out of this house where I were born and all my brothers and sisters were born, because some local Taigs got it into their heads they were better than us!' He was shouting now, so loud that Olivia's ears actually hurt and tiny flecks of spit were flying into her face. 'And you know what, in the new estate because my Daddy was a Taig too and I were named for him, everyone there thought I was one too, even though I were raised Presbyterian like my ma! They made my life an absolute living HELL!'

Olivia found it a little difficult to feel sorry for him, and he could clearly see it in her face. 'Well, fuck you too, bitch.' He slapped her hard across the face and put his hand over her mouth again. 'Fuck you and your filthy partner, he's one of them too and they're all the fucking same.' He paused, and then smiled again. 'You know, my Daddy was a policeman too. Do you know what they did to him for being a policeman? Maybe I'll show you some time if that precious mick of yours turns up anytime soon.' He took his hand away from her mouth, leaned in close and kissed her, beginning to stroke the side of her face. 'Would you like that, Liv? Would you like to watch while I decide what it is that I'd like to do to him first?' He slapped his hand over her mouth again. 'Because I already know you'd like to be there during. You like it rough, don't you, Olivia?'

Olivia took a deep breath and sunk her teeth into his hand.

Gerard swore loudly and yanked his hand back, slapped her hard several times across the face and wrapped both hands around her neck. 'Fine, that's how you want to play it? Then that's how we'll damn well play it!' He leaned forward and kissed her again, putting all his weight on her neck. Olivia coughed and began to kick out wildly, clawing at his hands, beating the sides of his face and neck with her fists. 'Come on, Liv, this will go so much easier if you'll just stop doing that.' He squeezed harder. She kept kicking as hard as she could, gasping and taking wild swipes at his face, but as she began to weaken her movements were becoming slower and clumsier. 'See? There we go. Come on.' Her legs were still moving, but barely, as if she was trying to kick but couldn't remember how. She tried to get a grip on his hands and plucked at his fingers trying to loosen them a little. 'Come on, there we go, now.' He tightened his grip even more and she slowly stopped kicking and lay still. Her hands stopped pulling at his fingers and fell away. 'There we go, good girl.' He bent down, closed her eyes and kissed her, beginning to stroke her hair. 'Good girl.'

**_A/N: So, Olivia seems to be having kind of a rough week in my stories... it's not that I'm in a particularly sadistic mood or anything, all of them are plotted out in advance, it's just a weird coincidence. _**

**_Anyway, let me know what you thought, and I will be eternally grateful! The little 'Review Alert' emails are often the highlights of my day__, and hey, getting a bunch of reviews makes me update faster!**_ Want to know what happens next? You know what to do! _**  
><em>**

**_Also, did anyone here read Chapter 2 of 'Heritage'? No one's reviewed it and I really value your feedback. I'm wondering if it's worth continuing to upload it or not._**

**_The next one of 'Anew' is going up in the next few days too if you're following that one._**

**_Thanks for reading my story and now my endless ramblings! I'll stop now, it's OK._**


	13. Chapter 13

**_A/N: Here's another update, as promised! I hope you enjoy it - it has all the usual good points (drama, E/O, smut etc) - so send me a quick review and let me know what you make of it, and if you all seem to be into it I'll get on with the next chapter asap!_**

Elliot buried his head in his hands. The more he looked into this guy the harder it was to find a trail. Olivia had already mentioned the cases in Boston, but where had he been before that? Predators like him didn't just suddenly fall into raping and killing, they built up to it throughout their lives. He'd already called a cousin of his in Scotland who worked for the Glasgow police department, but nothing had turned up so far.

It didn't help that his mind was still on what had happened earlier. It was... something else. It wasn't that it was the first time, it wasn't, there had been that time years before at her apartment, but that was just sex. It was good, but that was all it was. Today was... different. It had felt different.

The first time had been forceful and aggressive. Each kiss had been verging on an act of violence, and the way that she had shoved him against the wall and yanked at his clothes, forced her tongue into his mouth... In hindsight, it was almost as if she was using it as another way to punish him for leaving her, while at the same time trying to reassure herself that he still wanted her. The whole thing had just felt like a chaotic rush of anger and irrational, desperate need.

Today... for all her tough talk, it had been softer and more affectionate. There was no anger there, or neediness. It didn't even feel as if either one of them had initiated it. It had just happened, and it had felt like the most natural thing in the world. She had kissed him almost before he had realised that he wanted her to, and once they were kissing he couldn't imagine ever doing anything else. The sex itself had been almost incidental. It had been the sense of closeness that he loved. The feeling of her bare skin pressed against his, of kissing her and feeling her flick her tongue across the inside of his mouth, of watching her eyes dilating and hearing her breathing quicken as he touched her, and of being able to feel her breath on his lips and her heart beating against his chest as he looked down at her face and saw her smiling up at him, had been... it had been like nothing he had ever experienced before.

God, he wanted to kiss her again, more than he'd ever wanted anything else in his life. If he ran his tongue over his lips he could almost still taste her on them. Even if objectively he knew that tomorrow everything would be back to the way it was before, he couldn't help himself. He'd spent years sitting across from her, watching her typing and jotting down notes and every so often tucking her hair back behind her ear. She'd sit there frowning and chewing on her lower lip thoughtfully and occasionally she'd glance up and catch him looking, and then she'd pull a face and he'd laugh. He was the only one she seemed to feel comfortable joking around with, and he loved that. He loved her. _Whoa, easy there. Don't get too carried away. _ Why? All he could think about was her. How much he wanted to see her, to talk to her, to touch her, to kiss her...

_Elliot, stop it. _ He forced himself to focus again on trying to figure out where to look next for information on Gerard. He'd promised her he would, and he was damn well going to do it before that asshole had a chance to do anything to hurt her.

_Think. Maybe you're looking at this completely the wrong way._ He'd been a cop long enough to know that people who lied generally built pretty firmly upon the truth. It made it easier for them to keep track of the fiction. No matter how much crap the average perp fed him, he prided himself on being able to work his way back to the truth by using the lies as a starting point, along with what he knew about the perp in question and a few clever guesses.

What did he know so far about Gerard, besides that he was a complete prick? Well, for one thing, Gerard was pretty specific about saying that he was Scots, and he seemed very proud of it. He'd actually corrected people on it more than once. Not British, not from the UK - Scots. Why?

He didn't have a record in Scotland, and they didn't have any unsolved cases with the same MO as the ones they had here. Maybe that was why he said it? It would definitely make it harder to trace anything back to him. Maybe he didn't have anything to do with Scotland at all?

No. That was definitely a vague Scottish brogue he could hear underneath the fake American drawl he affected, and he was ridiculously passionate about his Scots background. You couldn't fake that. Besides, he was too arrogant. He would never believe that anyone would see through him well enough to actually seek out information about his past. It was the same reason why Elliot believed that he wouldn't have bothered to change his name, although that didn't explain why Glasgow couldn't turn anything up on him. Maybe it was his family that was from Scotland, or... or...

_But he didn't say that he was from Scotland, he said that he was Scots._

Who would specifically choose to identify themselves as Scots, especially if they weren't actually from Scotland?

Elliot wasn't familiar with that area. For all he knew there could be some tiny wee island miles off the coast of Scotland where a hundred thousand Gerards were running around in the wild. He shuddered. _There was a nasty thought._ Thank God that there probably wasn't.

_But Elliot, there is._

One of his cousins had done a placement with the Gardai in a town called Clontibret, years ago, and he remembered him mentioning something... think, Elliot, think... something about how he and a few of his colleagues had put down a half-assed invasion from the North by a few nutjobs who were angry at being classified as Irish when they saw themselves as... as...

_Ulster Scots. They saw themselves as being Ulster Scots. _

Elliot stopped, picked up the phone and dialled. 'Hi, Francis, it's Elliot again. Yes, I know it's late. OK, yes, I'll buy you another round of drinks on top of the other five. Yes, I know. Yes. Francis, look - have you got any mates I could talk to in Belfast?'

**_A/N: So, what did you think? Send me a review and let me know! Also, thank you so much for your lovely reviews for the new chapter of 'Heritage', I really appreciate them._**


	14. Chapter 14

**_A/N: Yes, I have another update for you... balseirocharmed and ladybugsmomma, I'm really glad you were so into the last chapter, and I hope you like this one just as much. Both of you review me for pretty much every chapter, and I really appreciate that, so thank you. Anyway, I hope all of you enjoy this chapter at least as much as earlier ones__, and don't forget to send me a review to let me know what you think! I'm up to 66 now and I really want to at least surpass 100 before I get up to chapter 20 - this is only chapter 14, so I know I can do it! I really hate it when authors say 'I'll only update when I have x number of reviews' because I update as and when I have a chapter ready and I write whenever the hell I feel like it or feel inspired, be it by an SVU episode or something I've read or a lovely review, so I won't say that (for another thing, it's kind of a dick move when you have a bunch of loyal regulars who you're screwing over by doing that) BUT - please send me a review and I will be ecstatically happy, so ecstatically happy in fact that I may even dance. Anyway... enjoy!_**

'Liv? Olivia?' Elliot hammered on her front door. 'Liv, we got him!' He stopped. 'Liv?' He knocked again. 'Liv?' He put his ear against the door and listened, but couldn't hear anything moving. 'Olivia? It's me, open the door!'

There was no answer.

He felt a chill run down his spine. _OK, I know she's meant to be home._ He took a deep breath and threw himself at the door, a feeling of dread rising in his gut as he felt it immediately pop away from the frame_. She would never leave the deadbolts off like this. _ He stepped into the apartment and looked around, and then suddenly saw her lower legs and feet sticking out from the other side of the couch, sprawled limply across the floor. _Jesus Christ._ 'Liv? LIV!'

He ran around the couch and saw her. She was lying on her back on the floor with her limbs splayed out and her eyes closed. She was frighteningly still.

_Oh no, no..._

Elliot felt as if he was about to throw up. 'Liv? Liv, it's me.' He knelt down beside her and shook her. 'Liv?' _Please don't be dead... _He shook her harder. 'Liv, come on, please.' He bit his lip and stroked the side of her face, and then nearly fainted with relief as he finally felt her move. 'Liv?'

She moaned and slowly opened her eyes. _Thank God._ 'Liv, are you OK?'

She frowned. 'El?' Her voice came out in an odd croak.

'Yes, Liv, it's me.' He leant over, wrapped one arm around the back of her shoulders and helped her sit up. 'What happened?'

'I... I...' Her face crumpled and she threw her arms around his neck and sobbed. 'Thank God you're here...'

'Hey, Liv, come on, it's OK...' Elliot went to brush her hair back off her face and suddenly saw the thick red marks around her neck for the first time. 'Jesus, did someone try to choke you?'

She nodded. 'It was Gerard, El, he did it, I really liked him and he said that he liked me and I.. I trusted him, and... and...' She began to cry harder. 'El, how could I have let this happen?'

'Olivia, you didn't let anything happen. None of this is your fault.'

She shook her head impatiently. 'No, El, you don't get it, it was ALL my fault!'

'Oh, Liv...' He stroked her hair soothingly. 'How was it your fault?'

'The new girls! He said that he hurt them because he was trying to protect me, he said he did it because of me, that he targeted the new girls because of me...'

'What, when? Hey, Liv, sshhh, come on, it's OK.' He hugged her and started stroking her hair again. 'When did he say that?'

Olivia didn't seem to have heard him. 'I never asked him to hurt them, I never wanted him to hurt them!'

'Ssshhh, Liv, I know, I know. It's OK now, Liv, I promise. When did he say that?'

'He was waiting for me when I came home, and he jumped on me, and he knocked me over and he kicked me and he beat me and then he choked me,' she sobbed. 'I thought he was going to kill me, Elliot, I did, and he said... he said...'

'OK. Liv, it's OK, come on, sshhhhh, come on.' He smiled reassuringly at her and stroked her cheek with his thumb. 'It's OK, I'm here-'

'He tried to KILL me, Elliot! What the hell is wrong with me?'

He hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. 'Nothing is wrong with you, Liv.' _And right now, I'd like nothing more than to beat the shit out of the little Scots creep and string him up by his ankles from the Brooklyn Bridge._ 'You're just perfect the way you are.'

'No, no, I'm not, I've ruined everything, El, because I let myself trust him!' She choked back a sob and then suddenly she looked as if she might actually throw up. 'And I... I... oh God, I let him _do_ things to me...'

Elliot felt his stomach turn over. 'Let him? Liv, I thought you wanted him! Did that bastard force himself on you? Because I swear to God I'll-'

'No, no, El, it wasn't like that.' _But a part of me almost wishes that it had been. Maybe then I'd feel less dirty._ 'It...' She swallowed awkwardly. 'When we were... together... there were... _things _he wanted that... that I didn't want, that I didn't like, and... and that I _really_ didn't want to do, but... but I let him do them anyway...'

He looked at her and stroked the side of her face. 'Why, Liv, if you didn't want him to?'

'Because I needed him to want me, El...' She wiped her eyes.

'Oh, Liv...' He sighed and put his arms around her. 'Why? You're so much better than him, you're... you're the best person I know.' He brushed her hair back off her face and kissed her forehead. 'You're beautiful, you're funny, you're kind, you're just...' _You. You're just you._ 'Liv, you are the most wonderful person that I have ever known. Why would you feel that you wanted to be with someone like him?'

She chewed her lip and looked away. 'Because, El, what I really wanted was you.'

Elliot wasn't really sure what to say to that except 'Oh.'

She began to cry again. 'I TRUSTED him, El, and he did this to me, Elliot, WHY-'

'Liv. Liv, hey, look at me. Look at me.' Elliot took hold of her shoulders and held her at arm's length, looking into her eyes. 'You won't have to worry about Gerard any more, Liv. We've got him. He's wanted in Northern Ireland on multiple counts of sexual assault and dozens of terrorism charges. That's why there are huge gaps in his past - he's been in and out of prison since he was fourteen. He'd probably still be locked up but for the fact that any witnesses that would even agree to testify had an odd habit of either suddenly recanting or disappearing.' He smiled at her. 'Liv - he can't get out of this. They can conclusively tie him to at least a dozen bombings alone. He'll be in cuffs and on a plane home to Belfast before the end of the week.'

A look of horror flashed across her face. 'No, El, we can't let them take it!'

He sighed and put his arms around her again. 'Liv, I understand that you want to finish this yourself, but given what just happened-'

She shook her head, her eyes wide with panic. 'No, no, El, you don't understand!'

He smiled gently and stroked the side of her face. 'Explain it to me.'

The words came out in a mad rush. 'He said there was another girl we hadn't found.'

That made Elliot stop and listen. 'Where? Who?'

'He didn't say, El, I swear...'

'No, it's OK, Liv, I believe you. Are you sure he wasn't lying?'

'Elliot, why would he lie, it was right before he strangled me, if he was going to kill me then why would he bother trying to lie?'

Elliot paused while he thought about it. 'Well, the information I've gotten so far has him tied to an address in the North Bronx. That's pretty remote, Liv, I mean it's not rural but it's definitely separated enough to keep someone hidden without neighbours hearing anything.' _Or at least not enough for them to bother calling the police, not that most of them would anyway._

Olivia frowned. 'No, El, that's not right, he lives in Midtown, he told me.'

'Did you ever go to his apartment?'

'Well, no, but...' _Christ, how could I have let myself be so stupid?_ 'Can we go up there?'

Elliot frowned. 'Olivia, I know that I almost never say this, but maybe we should call it in first-'

'NO, Elliot, they will not take me seriously, they'll think I'm just a bitter ex-girlfriend, and we HAVE to get him, we HAVE to, and we won't if we look like a bunch of misled fools, El, we won't...'

'Liv, calm down.'

'NO! If we call someone then they'll take the case away, you KNOW what they're like about suspected terrorists, and I can't let them do that, Elliot, or he'll vanish into the system and we'll never find the girl and she'll die and it'll be all my fault!'

'Ssssh, Liv. Come on, it's OK.' He hugged her and stopped to think about it_. He knew her well enough by now to know that there was no way that she was going to let this go without a fight._ 'Well, how about we go take a look, if there's no one there, then we'll call it a night and come back, but if we see something, we'll call it in. Sound reasonable?'

'Yes.' She nodded and forced a smile, a new look of determination on her face. 'That son of a bitch is mine.'

_**A/N: What do you think? Looking forward to finding out what happens next? Send me a quick review, and I'll get on with the next chapter asap!**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N: In response to popular demand, here's another update for you! Also, balseirocharmed, thanks for the virtual cookie. It was much appreciated, and I'm glad that you loved the chapter so much. I'm glad that the rest of you are so into it as well, it's always nice to have some good feedback to build on when the writing's getting a bit tricky! So, give this one a read, and send me a review to let me know what you think of it! (Also, courtneylovejason - I'm sorry that I haven't updated Heritage yet, but even I can't write something that heavy so fast... so I hope this makes up for it =p)**_

**_And ladybugsmomma: I can't wait for someone to beat this guy's ass either. The question is though, is Elliot going to be the one who gets to do it?_**

When they arrived at the house, it looked completely deserted. 'El, it doesn't look like there's anyone here.' He could hear the disappointment in her voice.

'Well, to be fair, he's hardly going to hang a sign out the front advertising it, is he?' She did have a point though. The house looked about as closed up as it could be. He pulled the car around the back and killed the engine. 'I'll go and check around just to be sure, though.' He climbed out of the car, sighed, and then leaned back in through the open door. 'Just stay here, OK?'

Olivia bristled. 'The hell I will.'

'Olivia...' _This could be dangerous and I don't want you to get hurt again._ He tried to think of a way to put this that wouldn't make her angrier. _There isn't one. Lie_. 'Um...'No, she'll see straight through me, she always does._ OK then, don't lie, just skip around the truth a little._ 'Olivia, less than three hours ago you were almost strangled to death. I just found you unconscious on the floor of your apartment. Hell, for one awful moment I actually did think that you were dead. Don't you think that you should maybe try taking things slow for a bit?' _Hey, nicely done._

Olivia raised her eyebrows at him. 'No.'

_Yeah, it was never going to be that easy._ He sighed. 'I didn't think so.'

She snorted and unfastened her seatbelt. 'Damn straight.'

_OK, try empty threats mixed with emotional blackmail. _ 'Olivia, I have only agreed to come here as a favour to you, now please just humour me and stay in the car. Don't make me call it in, because you know I'll do it.'

She crossed her arms and glared. 'Asshole.'

_Seems fair._ He shrugged. 'Maybe, but it's only because I care about you.'

Olivia muttered angrily and slouched down in her seat, and Elliot tried not to laugh. She shot him a dirty look. 'Fine, but you have to stop using that. It's not fair.'

'Deal.' He smiled at her again, closed the door and headed off around the side of the house. She could see him picking his way through the weeds that had grown up around the edges of the fence.

Olivia crossed her arms again and unashamedly sulked. _Damn him and his manipulative guilt tripping._ While she knew that he was sticking his neck out for her by doing this, and she was grateful for it, it just wasn't in her nature to sit around and wait while someone else had all the fun. She looked at her watch. God, it had been less than two minutes and she was already bored out of her mind. _What the hell was he doing out there? _ She craned her head and saw him fidgeting with something he'd found next to the sidewalk. _How in the hell is some piece of litter relevant, Elliot?_ She sighed again. He'd always had a great eye for detail, which was what made him such a talented detective, but... sometimes he could take it a bit far.

She rolled her eyes and slumped down in her seat again, rubbing her neck uncomfortably. _I can't believe that asshole tried to choke me. I'm going to hand his miserable ass back to him on a fucking plate_. She clenched her hands into fists._ And if Elliot tries to take this collar off me, I swear to God..._ No, that wasn't fair. He was only trying to protect her, and she knew that. Anyway, however annoying it was, a part of her really liked it. She'd never really known anyone to care enough to do that before, and as independent as she prided herself on being... it was nice. She thought that she could get used to it. _Maybe. You know, if it was the right guy. _

Was Elliot the right guy? She didn't know. Or at least, she didn't think she did. How did you know stuff like that? Was it a sudden moment of realisation, a sudden burst of instinct? Or was it a slow developing thing that took an age and a half to happen? Olivia had never been very good at waiting around for anything, but then again, neither had he. _Maybe it was like an orgasm, you know, that if you're not sure if you've had one then you haven't? _

_No, Olivia. Do not start comparing deep emotional attachments to orgasms. _That was just a whole can of worms that did not need to be opened, particularly where Elliot was concerned. _ Besides, you don't know that he feels the same way. He probably just sees what's happened between you as a couple of one-offs, you know, like scratching an occasional itch_. God, that sounded romantic, didn't it? _They should really make a topical cream to soothe unrequited love, not that that was what this was. _

_They do, Olivia, it's called tequila._ She laughed silently to herself. She'd always ended wearing more of her drink than drinking it on tequila nights. Luckily Alex and Casey had always had much the same problem, so she didn't stand out too much. It was a bigger problem when it got to closing time and she suddenly found herself incapable of walking home. She'd had to call Elliot more than once to come and get her, and he'd always done it, whatever he was doing at the time. The minute she called him he was on his way, wherever she was, whatever she needed, no questions asked. That was just how things were between them how they'd always been, and she liked it that way. It felt safe, it felt comfortable.

_Is that the kind of thing that makes you realise that someone's the right person for you? Little things like that adding up over time?_ Somehow she didn't think so. It should be more dramatic than that. She'd always imagined it to be like... like... well, she didn't really know what, exactly. A brief spark of just KNOWING that suddenly made you say 'Wow, that was it.' _But then where the hell was it?_ She was nearly 44 years old, and if it hadn't happened yet, maybe that meant that it never would. _Hell, maybe it didn't even exist..._ No, that was just too depressing to even consider. _Enough, Olivia. Think about something else._

She sighed impatiently. _God, he was taking his sweet time, especially considering how much of a stink he'd kicked up about having to come up here in the first place. _She'd always suspected that he secretly enjoyed going off on these wild goose chases all the time, so maybe that explained it... She was quite surprised that he'd actually agreed to come up here alone though. Yes, he'd always been a bit of a risk-taker, but when it came to something like this, he'd usually be pretty cautious. _Cautious for him, anyway._ Then again, it was Elliot. Give him the hint of some young girl needing help, and he'd be there in a second, dangerous or not...

_**'It's easy. Make them think they're in charge. Make them think they're the smart one. Figure out their weakness, everyone has one.'**_

Olivia sat up straight in her seat.

_**'You know, it doesn't come down to strength or brawn, Olivia. It comes down to brains and ingenuity.' **_

'Jesus Christ.' Olivia leapt out of the car, ran around the side of the house and jumped the fence into the front garden. 'ELLIOT!' She ran towards him waving her hands in the air. 'Elliot, stay there!'

_**'They can conclusively tie him to at least a dozen bombings alone.' **_

He looked up from where he was examining something on the ground beside the fence. 'What is it?' He stood up and started through the gate towards her.

_**'I remember when I was about ten how me and my brothers made a kind of burglar alarm outside our house by tying a piece of fishing line across the gate so anyone coming in would trip it...'**_

'NO, ELLIOT, STOP!'

As she ran, she saw the reflection of a streetlight on the tiny thread of fishing line strung between the gate posts the second before he caught it with his foot. She jumped and wrapped both her arms around him, pressing her cheek against his and squeezing her eyes tightly shut, and braced herself.

_Oh my God. That. That was it._

_**A/N: Did you like it? Do you want to know what happens next? Send me a quick review and I'll see what I can do!**_

_**(Thanks for the sheer number of reviews I got last week too, guys. It was awesome beyond compare.)**  
><em>


	16. Chapter 16

**_A/N: Look, I have another update for you! Already! Given the combination of Jennifer's thinly veiled threats and the fact that the rest of you seemed like you were about to have a collective coronary, I felt that it was the least I could do to post an update before I headed off to New York. Plus, we just had the first episode of season 13 of SVU on in Ireland, and... I cried. A lot. I might have to write another oneshot based on it.  
><em>**

**_I hope you all enjoy it, and please send me a review to let me know. Heaven knows I could do with a boost after the day I've had. There's nothing like being threatened with eviction to dampen the spirits, eh? Anyway - pleeeeeease send me a review. I'm nearly up to 80 now. I'd love to reach 85 before the next chapter! Yes, I'm a review whore, but what can I say, it cheers me so to get one of the little 'Review Alert' emails.  
><em>**

**_(Also, I know that it would normally be time for a 'Heritage' update, but that's not quite finished yet. So hopefully this will make up for it. =))  
><em>**

Elliot felt the explosion rather than heard it. He saw a bright white flash and the ground seemed to ripple towards him as if someone were shaking out the asphalt like an enormous carpet, and then the earth jumped and a second later he felt an enormous wave of pressure knock him off his feet.

It felt like being hit by a bus, only a thousand times stronger. The breath was knocked out of him and his ears popped. _Oh my God, I'm actually going to die._ He suddenly realised that he could feel Olivia's arms around his shoulders and wrapped his own around her back as they were thrown backwards through the air. _It's OK, Liv, I've got you, I-_

He hit the ground hard, shoulders first, and felt the loose gravel on the road biting through the shoulders of his jacket and tearing at the back of his neck as he skidded across the asphalt. Thick flakes of ash were fluttering down from the sky like an odd, smouldering black rain. In front of them the house was burning, its walls collapsed in upon themselves and the roof caved in. The front yard was full of burning debris, the earth around it scorched and blackened.

Elliot blinked. The heat of the fire was burning into his skin from here. Olivia was on top of him, her face pressed into the side of his neck and her arms sprawled out. He could feel her hair tickling the side of his face.

His head was spinning and he shook it, trying to clear the vague buzzing sensation. 'Liv?' _What the hell just happened?_ 'Liv?' He turned his head to look at her face and saw that her eyes were closed. 'Liv, come on, Liv, it's me, it's Elliot.' He shifted awkwardly and moved his right hand up to grip her shoulder. 'Liv?' He shook her gently. 'Liv?'

Something was jabbing uncomfortably into his side and let go of her shoulder to gingerly move his hand around his stomach, feeling for it. He felt a stab of pain run up his forearm as the back of his hand caught on the front of her shirt and he swore as he held it up and saw that it was dotted with tiny pieces of shrapnel. He moved to check his left arm, wincing as he wrapped his injured arm tightly around Olivia's back, before the sharpness jabbed at his side again and he finally looked down.

There was a large broken-off metal spar sticking out of Olivia's side. It was maybe a foot long and at least six inches wide. His breath caught in his throat. 'Oh Jesus.'

He frantically ran his hands over her back trying to feel for it. _Where the hell is it?_ He could feel dozens of tiny rips and tears in the fabric of her jacket from _(oh Jesus from the shrapnel and that stuff can be even worse than bullets)_ but not-

Suddenly his fingers had slipped into a deep open wound. _Oh God, that has to be at least the size of my hand._ Elliot felt like he was about to throw up. 'Oh Jesus, Liv, no, no, Liv, come on!' He rolled her off him and onto her back, and her head lolled to one side, a trickle of blood coming from the side of her mouth. His stomach lurched and he tried to brush it away with his thumb, leaving a dark smear of blood and soot across her cheek. _Oh God, oh God, oh God..._ 'Liv?" He took hold of her shoulder and shook it again. 'Liv, it's Elliot, I need you to open your eyes and talk to me, OK?'

He turned her face back towards him and bent down, pressing his ear against her mouth, listening for the sound of her breathing. He couldn't hear anything except for maybe a faint wet hissing sound from deep inside her lungs. 'Liv? Liv, it's me, can you hear me?' He looked down at her chest and watched it, waiting for it to rise and fall, but he couldn't tell for sure if it was or not. If it was, then the movement was barely there. 'Oh Christ, Liv, come on, please.' He frantically stuck his fingers into the side of her neck to feel for a pulse, and then nearly cried with relief when he found one. It was weak and thready, but it was there. He put his ear to her mouth again, and finally heard her breathing faintly, in short, rapid gasps.

'Thank God.' He brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. 'Thank God.' He stroked the side of her face, took her hand and kissed her again. 'Liv, just hold on, OK?' He felt sick. _How can her lips be so cold?_ 'Liv, it's OK.' He put his arm around her back and lifted her upper body off the ground, carefully supporting the back of her head with one hand. 'It's OK, Liv, I'm here.' He felt his stomach turn over as he suddenly realised that he could taste her blood on his lips. _Elliot, for God's sake, focus, because if you don't then she is going to die. _

At the edge of his vision he could see her arms hanging limply at her sides, the backs of her hands brushing against the ground, and he quickly looked away, focusing on her face. 'Liv, you're fine.' He tried to tear off a piece of his shirt, accidentally jolting her, and another thick gush of blood bubbled out of her mouth. _Oh Jesus._ 'Liv, it's OK, I'm here.' _What the hell am I meant to do?_ He patted her back and she coughed wetly, leaving a fine spray of red on his shirt collar. _Oh God Oh God oh God oh God oh God..._

_Elliot, stay calm. She needs you. If you want her to live, then you need to stay calm._ 'Liv, it's OK, I'm here, I've got you and it's fine, it's going to be fine.' He finally ripped off a large piece of his shirt, wadded it up and packed it into the wound in her back until he felt the bleeding ease a little. 'See, Liv, it's fine, it's OK, just hold on for me, please, I'm begging you.' He kissed her on the cheek and laid her carefully back down again.

People were beginning to wander out of the other houses on the street, most looking confused and half-asleep as they stepped around shards of glass from the shattered windows of their houses. He could hear a low chatter of _what happened? Is she dead? Was it terrorists? Is she OK? Are we in danger? Is she dead? Who's he? Is she OK? What did he do to her? Is she dead?_ Eventually they got bored and began to discuss whether they maybe ought to call 911. Elliot ignored them. He knew that the first responders would be well on their way already. The fireball from that explosion would have been visible from halfway across Manhattan at least.

He looked back down at Olivia and stroked her cheek. Her eyes were still closed. 'It's OK, Olivia, I promise.' He smoothed the hair back off her forehead and kissed her, and then took her hand and held it, stroking her hair. 'I'm here, Liv, I'm here.'

**_A/N: What do you think? More? Send me a review and I'll see what I can do!_**


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: I managed to find time to write another chapter for you all in the midst of all my New York adventures! (I saw them filming SVU again today. I was literally six feet from Stephanie March and Dann Florek. And Danny Pino, but we don't talk about him.) Anyway, hopefully this'll be enough to keep you all busy until I manage to get the next one of 'Heritage' up... **_

_**I never did get to 85 reviews *sad* but what can I say, Jennifer and ladybugsmomma's horror at the last chapter meant that I couldn't bring myself to deprive you all any longer. SoLetsPlayDoctorBabe - it's always nice to find someone new who really gets one of my stories, so thanks so much for your review! (and ashleysvureader - you are, as ever, awesome.)**_

_**So read it, enjoy it, and send me a nice review or two to help get me going on Chapter 18!**_

_I was watching everything from a couple blocks down the street. It's pretty easy actually to go unnoticed in a neighbourhood like this. No one really bothers to get to know each other, you see, and one more battered car parked up at the kerb isn't enough to raise anyone's interest. Kind of sad if you think about it really, even if right now it happened to suit me just fine. _

_It was a wee bit cold though. I wished I could put the heat on but I thought that having the engine running might be enough to get one of the nosier old biddies over, and even though I knew I could shut her up pretty fast, it was just one more hassle I didn't need right now. I settled for pulling the collar of my jacket up around my ears and hunkering down into it as much as I could._

_Down the street I saw the car pull around the back of the house. I laughed to myself. He thought he was being so goddamn smart. I settled back in my seat, waiting patiently for the moron to appear around the side of the building, and at last he did. He was alone. Good. Whatever else happened, I'd really rather she came out of it unharmed. I'm a bit of a sentimental fool like that I suppose._

_He was creeping around the fence now, peering around to see if he could see any sign of me. Like I needed to be that close. Like I'd want to be that close to something like him anyway. The one place he wasn't looking was at the ground, which suited me just fine. One of the reasons this trick always worked so well was because however cautious someone was, it never seemed to occur to them to check around their feet first._

_He was starting towards the gate now. I sat forward in anticipation. I could hear my breathing quickening._

_Oh shit._

_She was there, running and shouting, waving her arms. Why was she there? She wasn't meant to be here! She's jumping the fence, she's running towards him, he's walking towards her HE'S GOING THROUGH THE GATE-_

_There was an enormous flash and I felt the ground shake as the windscreens and windows on some of the cars parked down the street shattered. The whole house sort of expanded, and then collapsed in on itself in this massive plume of flames and smoke._

_I sat up straight. I couldn't see them. Where was she?_

_I suddenly saw her lying facedown on the ground and my stomach turned over. The bomb had blown her a good fifty feet from the gate. _

_This wasn't right, she wasn't meant to get hurt. She'd been sprawled on top of him and now he was sitting up, rolling her onto her back on the ground and leaning over her. She wasn't moving. She looked dead. I felt sick. I knew what an explosion like that did to a human body. Him, though, he was just fine, that stupid selfish BASTARD had let HER take the whole thing, fuck him... _

_Now he was bending over her, fussing over her, hugging her and stroking her hair and acting like the concerned friend when I knew better. She still wasn't moving, whenever he manhandled her into whatever new position took his fancy her arms and legs were complete dead weight, and her head was lolling all over the place. There was no way she could have survived that. It just wasn't possible. It occurred to me that I should feel something like guilt or, I don't know, grief, but really I just felt affronted. She was mine. He didn't get to do this to her. If anyone was going to kill her then it should have been me._

_Oh God, now he's leaning over and trying to make her respond to him. Trust me, you don't want her to open her eyes for you, because you know what? If she does, then they'll be empty and dead, because that's what she is. I sighed. She always did have such beautiful eyes... I wonder what they look like without any life left in them. Do they still have that pleasant warmth? That wonderful rich brown glow that always made me feel such fondness and affection for her? I doubted it. They're probably empty and dull and cold. For some reason that made me feel even sadder. They won't be full of Olivia any more, they won't be filled with all of her spark and intelligence and interest, because the only thing that anyone will be able to see in them any more is death. The thought of all that having been replaced with the standard cold, vacant death stare... it was almost too much for me to take. _

_I heard the first sirens and ducked a little lower behind the steering wheel. Normally I'd be gone by now, but... I had to see what happened to her. I had to know for sure. _

_Now the asshole was standing up, waving frantically and jumping up and down, as if the ambulance drivers would have any trouble figuring out where the problem was. The second it stopped he was on his knees again, holding her hand and bending over her, getting in the way of the paramedics so much that they actually had to push him out of the way to put a mask on her and stick the first needles in. _

_So she was alive. _

_Oh my God, she's alive... unless..._

_This could just be the usual charade they went through to avoid having to actually call it before they got anywhere near the hospital. Lord knows I'd seen it enough back home. Got to earn their salaries and all that. He was just standing there like a useless idiot, wringing his hands and rubbing his neck and looking like the redundant spare part that he was. They were looking at the metal thing sticking out of her. It looked nasty. I was interested to see what they decided to do about it._

_A police car pulled up, then another four. This was fast becoming the place to be for the many splendoured ranks of the NYPD. Then, at last, two fire engines. The sudden influx of uselessly loitering men seemed to give the paramedics inspiration and they had one of them hold the metal thing stable for a minute. A heavy-duty metal cutter appeared and another two men joined in to help hold the thing steady while most of it was cut off. The moron was still there, holding her hand for the whole thing and talking to her, as if she could still hear him. SHE'S DEAD, you idiot, I can see that from here! Didn't you see all that blood pouring out of her mouth and her nose? Do you really think that she would have been able to breathe with her lungs full of blood?_

_Oh God, this is so awful. She can't die. How could he have let this happen to her? I did everything I could to protect her from everything, hell, I could have easily killed her myself earlier, but I didn't, and if this is the alternative then I wish that I had. I didn't want to but I had to choke her so that she thought I was going to kill her, so that she'd believe everything I told her without question, so that she'd run straight to her precious Elliot and tell him everything. It was the only way I could be sure of getting him up here, but... why was she here? Why did she come too? I just wanted her to be mine, that's all, I wanted her to marry me and have my kids and stay with me... I didn't want this for her._

_I rolled my eyes. Jesus Christ, O'Hara, get a fucking grip on yourself. _

_I forced myself to focus on what was happening outside the house. The metal thing was gone now, except for the part of it still embedded in her side, and they were moving her onto a stretcher and carrying her towards the ambulance, trailing plastic tubes and drips behind them, the bastard running alongside them and climbing into the back of the ambulance with her._

_The firefighters had started on the house now. It was probably time for me to go. I wasn't quite ready yet though. I needed some time to sit and think. She shouldn't have been hurt. I liked her. I LIKED her. We could have been together, properly, forever. Why had that sonofabitch done this to her? He turned her against me. He brought her here with him. He let her get between him and that bomb. This was his fault. She was meant to be with me, we were meant to be together, and he's ruined everything!_

_I'll make him pay for this, I swear to God, he'll WISH he was blown into a hundred thousand tiny little burning pieces by the time I'm done with him-_

_There was a knock on the car window and I jumped, and then suddenly there was a bright light shining into my face. Some useless slack-jawed excuse for a beat cop was peering in at me. _

_'Gerard O'Hara?'_

_**A/N: What do you think? More?**  
><em>


	18. Chapter 18

**_A/N: So right now, I'm in an utterly fantastic mood, so I decided to get this one updated a day earlier than planned. (And if you want to know why, check out my new profile picture.) Thank you all so much for your reviews, and keep them coming!_**

'What's her name again, Sir?' The EMT looked up from fitting an oxygen mask over Olivia's mouth. Her shirt had been cut open up the front, allowing half a dozen electrodes to be stuck to her chest. Elliot couldn't take his eyes off her. _How can she look so small?_

The EMT cleared his throat. 'Sir?'

'Olivia.' Elliot stroked her hand. 'Her name's Olivia.' He felt a jolt as the ambulance began to move. Outside, he heard the siren start to sound.

'OK, Olivia, my name's Mike, can you hear me?' The EMT shone a light into each of her eyes and wrote something down. 'Sir, do you know if she's taking any medications, or whether she has any allergies?'

'What? No. No, she isn't. Hasn't.' Elliot looked at her. Her eyes were still closed and he still hadn't seen her move. The EMT nodded and turned away to start hooking up wires to the monitor behind him. There was a beep and her heart rhythm appeared on the screen, looking reassuringly normal. Elliot squeezed her hand again and began to stroke her palm with his thumb. He saw the EMT mutter something to his colleague in the driving seat, but didn't quite catch what he said _(something about doxapram)_ before he turned, caught Elliot looking at him, and gave him a reassuring smile.

Elliot didn't trust him. He'd seen enough of those to know they weren't worth a shit. Hell, he'd done enough of them himself to know that.

_She could still die, Elliot._

No, she was alive. She was still alive, and that was enough for him. _More than enough._ He reached out and brushed her hair back off her forehead. 'Liv? Liv, it's me. Can you hear me? It's Elliot. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.' He held his breath and waited, but she didn't move. 'Liv, it's OK, we're nearly at the hospital, OK? They'll sort you out and you'll be back bitching at me before you know it.' The EMT was back, fiddling with wires and setting up an IV. Elliot shot him a look, turned away slightly and began to stroke the side of her face. 'Liv? I'm really sorry. Don't you want to see me apologising so you can laugh at me? I know you do.' He leaned down and kissed her forehead. 'Please, Olivia, I'm so sorry.' He licked his thumb and began to wipe off the thick streaks of blood crusted across her face and chin. 'Liv, I really am. I'm so, so sorry.' His voice trailed off and he just sat there silently, holding her hand and listening to the sound of yet more sterile packaging being ripped open.

He sat in silence for a few minutes, half-watching the EMT carefully packing more gauze around the chunk of metal in her side, listening to the persistent beep of the heart monitor as he stroked her hair. 'Liv, I'm here, Liv, please, just talk to me, I'm begging you, Olivia, please...' He chewed on his lower lip and squeezed her hand tighter. 'What is it that you want me to say to you? Do you want me to say that I'm sorry, that I need you, that I love you? Because they're all true.' He sighed. 'Please, Olivia, I can't live without you...' He felt the EMT pat him reassuringly on the shoulder before he turned away to fiddle with the monitor, and then Olivia's eyes suddenly flickered open. His heart jumped. 'Liv? Liv, it's me, can you hear me?'

There was a moment of silence, and then she blinked. Elliot leaned in closer. 'Olivia?'

She suddenly threw her head back and started shaking violently, and Elliot felt her hand clench painfully around his. Her fingernails were digging into his palm so hard he thought she would actually draw blood. 'Oh my God. Liv?' _Why won't she stop shaking, oh God..._ Elliot suddenly noticed something and his blood ran cold. _Oh my God, her eyes..._

The EMT was leaning over her again and shining the light into her eyes. 'She's blown both pupils!'

_Oh God oh God oh God... _ Elliot bit his lip, trying not to panic, and in that moment she finally stopped shaking, fell back against the stretcher and lay completely still, her eyes still open and fixed. He felt her hand relax and go limp.

'Liv?' He squeezed her hand. 'Liv?'

The monitor next to her erupted into a rapid, disordered stream of high-pitched beeping as the regular, familiar heart rhythm displayed on it was suddenly replaced with a jagged, uneven line wavering up and down on the screen. Elliot's stomach turned over. 'Liv? Oh Jesus, Liv?'

He heard the EMT shout something to his colleague and suddenly the ambulance had swerved to the side of the road and stopped, and both the EMTs were there, scrambling around him, ripping the backing off the defibrillator pads and calling out instructions to each other. He felt a hand on his shoulder roughly pulling him away from her. 'Sir, let go!'

Elliot leaned unsteadily against the back wall of the ambulance, watching them, watching her. He had seen maybe dozens of scenes like this, after RTAs, or house fires, or assaults, but for some reason the first thing that struck him was that it wasn't like it was in films when they shocked her. He'd never noticed that before. She didn't buck or convulse dramatically, and there was no wild flailing or shaking. She just... jerked. One abrupt jerk, before she fell completely still and silent again. He looked at the monitor and saw that the line on it was still darting up and down sharply, and then heard one EMT murmuring something to the other. He did something, and she jerked again. And again. The trace on the monitor was still a series of shallow, quivering peaks.

And then, as he watched, the jagged line on the screen trailed off into a single, completely flat line, the frenzied electronic bleeping coming from the monitor abruptly replaced by a single, low monotonous beep.

Elliot's knees went from under him and he sat down hard on the bench. He felt like he was going to faint or throw up. It was worse than anything he could ever have imagined, and that awful sound just kept going on and on and on... The EMTs exchanged a look and one gave her a shot of epinephrine, the other preparing to start the first round of chest compressions. _She was just lying there, completely still, with the front of her shirt roughly cut open and pulled back, her arms limp at her sides and her eyes staring up at the ceiling of the ambulance._ He wanted to scream out of frustration at how little the EMTs seemed to be doing to help her. _Just get the hell on with it and do something, isn't that your goddamned job? Do it! Help her, now!_ He opened his mouth, hesitated, and closed it again.

In the end, he just sat and watched.

**_A/N: So... more?_**


	19. Chapter 19

**_A/N: I'm sorry for the long wait for an update but everything's been pretty busy! Thanks for all your reviews and for your patience! Feel free to send me a review for this one too to let me know what you think. My mother just spent nearly an hour telling me how much I disappoint her, so God knows I could really do with a boost right now._**

**_inspirationimagination - I adore you. You always leave such lovely, detailed reviews for me, so thank you. Also, thanks so much for your review on my new story 'Hysteria' - it gave me a real kick to start the next chapter off, and it was so nice to hear that someone liked it.  
><em>**

**_ladybugsmomma - I'm glad you liked it. Even though Olivia's the focus of everyone's attention, this is largely Elliot's scene for me._**

**_Teribin - yes. Yes I am. But it's for good reasons._**

**_Jennifer - I'm so sorry I keep doing this to you... but there will be more soon! _**

**_lexiaalia93 and Hutch917 - I'm really glad you liked it, and I promise I'll update soon and save you both weeks of agony!_**

**_Anyway... enjoy!_**

'You know, O'Hara, if your intention was to prevent anyone from catching up with you and with what you'd done, it might have been smarter not to hang around to watch afterwards.' Munch took a file out of the box on the table and sat back in his chair. 'You must have realised someone would catch on to you. The place was swarming with uniform.'

Gerard shrugged. 'What can I say, I always like to stay and watch. It's part of the fun for me.'

'Says here you were born in Belfast. Why'd you leave?'

'Wanted a change.'

'It says here you were in the Ulster Freedom Brigade.' Munch feigned confusion. 'What were they again, some defunct group of half-soused radical nutjobs?'

Gerard's eyes narrowed dangerously. 'They were patriots.'

Munch raised an eyebrow at him and rested his elbows on the table. 'Must have been difficult for you, having such an Irish name in a group like that. Probably gave you a bit of a complex.'

Gerard gritted his teeth. 'It was at first, but they soon saw I was one of them.' He settled back in his chair, a note of pride appearing in his voice. 'I was one of their best.'

'One of their best, eh? Well, that certainly is impressive.' Munch began to slowly flick through the file. 'And your record here certainly proves it, what, we've got multiples of assault with a deadly weapon, inciting racial hatred, intimidation of a witness, kidnapping, making, transporting and detonating explosives, conspiracy to commit murder...' He trailed off. 'Not to mention the sexual assaults. But they were more of a hobby, right? Enough of a hobby that your mates decided you were a liability and had to go?'

'Fuck you,' spat Gerard.

Munch leaned forward across the table and winked. 'You're not my type, sweetheart.'

Behind him, Fin came into the room, quietly closed the door and sat down against the far wall. Munch raised his eyebrows questioningly and Fin silently shook his head.

'She dead yet?' asked Gerard casually.

Munch glared at him. 'Whatever happens, you're still going to be up on attempted murder for trying to strangle her at her apartment. Detective Stabler's willing to testify to what she told him about the attack.'

'Please, I could have killed her if I'd wanted to.' Gerard rolled his eyes. 'Come on, I just wanted to give her a bit of a scare.' He thought about it. 'You know, I actually really hope that she doesn't die. Half the fun was having the knowledge that she'd spend her entire life knowing she was only alive because I'd decided to do her a favour. If it turns out the rest of her life was less than three hours, it kind of takes most of the joy out of it.' He paused. 'Well, more like eighteen hours if you count the amount of time she's spent hanging on so far, which I won't, because from what I've heard she's pretty much circling the drain.' He grinned. 'Do you know what a bomb like that'll do to you? No? Well, I do.' He leaned forward and smiled conspiratorially. 'Tell me, Detectives, did she have blood coming out of her pretty little eyes when you last saw her? Because I bet she does now.'

Fin lost it. 'You son of a-'

Munch shot him a look and he sat back down again, muttering angrily. 'And we can't forget the Hudson River Greenway girl, can we? Got a bit overexcited there, didn't you? Our medical examiner told us you stabbed her fourteen times, and any one of those alone would have been enough.'

Gerard snorted. 'Well, that's bull. I tried and that little bitch just wouldn't die.'

'Well, guess what, she did.'

'Yeah, eventually...' He rolled his eyes. 'I tried drowning her first, but she kept kicking and thrashing around, and then when she finally stopped moving and just kind of floated there I thought she was dead, so I pulled her out of the water, but then she threw up on me and started gasping again, so I just threw her on the ground and I stabbed her until she died.'

'Fourteen times, O'Hara.'

'Well, the first time just seemed to make her mad. She was kicking and making these loud choking noises and hitting me and trying to grab the knife, so I stabbed her again in the throat and that shut her up but she still wouldn't stop moving, so I stabbed her in the chest, then again, and again, and again...' Gerard looked like he was enjoying this. 'She kept making these weird whiney panting noises in the back of her throat. I told her to shut the fuck up and stuck the knife in her again, and this time she made a funny gasping noise and her eyes kind of widened, but she was still trying to claw at the knife so I grabbed a rock and hit the handle of the knife with it. She made this silly little moaning noise, but then she just kind of went limp and silent so I leaned in and I watched her eyes glaze over. That's how you know for sure that they're really dead, you know. There's this kind of odd, glassy finality that just can't be faked.' He sat back in his chair. 'Then I wiped the knife on her clothes and caught the subway home.'

'Look, you inhuman little dick, we've got you on three counts of attempted murder, one count of murder, at least ten counts of rape, not to mention all the shit Homeland Security's about to throw at you for that clever bomb idea of yours,' snapped Fin.

'Massachusetts wants you for fourteen unsolved rape cases so far.' Munch leaned forward in his chair, his face less than six inches from Gerard's. 'And if Detective Benson dies, which seems extremely likely, then we'll have you on that murder charge too. And you know what happens to cop killers in the prison system, Gerard. Accidents happen. Things can't be that different back in Ireland.'

'Northern Ireland,' spat Gerard. 'There's a difference.'

'Whatever the hell it is, I'm telling you now, if Olivia dies because of you, I will kill you myself,' growled Fin.

'Wow, you guys seem like you must have been pretty close. I'm impressed. I'd figured it to just be Elliot she was fucking, but maybe you'd all had a go, am I right?'

Fin gritted his teeth. 'You shut your filthy mouth.'

'I mean, if I'd known she'd let you pass her around so much I mightn't have bothered, I mean, I like my meat fresh, less chance of catching something nasty-'

A note of danger had come into Munch's voice. 'I'm warning you, O'Hara...'

'-though I am surprised a little, but who knows, maybe it was just her being an uptight bitch that made her such a tight fuck-'

Fin's hand was reaching for the handle of his gun. 'Shut the fuck up, you shut the fuck up RIGHT NOW-'

'-or maybe it's just about scale, I mean, for all I know the lot of you've got dicks the size of fucking cigarettes.' He paused. 'Want to get 'em out and compare? It'd be a fun way to pass the time until she finally croaks.'

'Jesus Christ,' muttered Munch, shaking his head.

'And, you know, it wouldn't be the, uh, first time I've had it out in this station house, if you get my drift.' Gerard laughed. 'Did Liv tell you about that one, or was that one of her private fantasies?'

Fin was on his feet again. 'God DAMN you, O'Hara, I swear, if I ever hear you use her name like that again I'll-'

'If it helps, I didn't mean to hurt her,' offered Gerard. 'I wanted to get at that annoying partner of hers. There never was another girl. I just knew he'd take the bait, just like I knew that hurting his precious Olivia would make him come after me, and just like I knew that she'd be running straight to fuck him the minute I was looking the other way. I just didn't think she'd go with him.' He sighed. 'Oh well.'

Fin stormed over and slammed his fist into the table. 'Don't you 'oh well' me-'

'Detective Tutuola!' snapped Munch warningly. He turned back to Gerard. 'I'm sorry, my partner has kind of a temper.'

Gerard raised an eyebrow at him. 'Probably got nothing on Elliot's. You see what he did to Olivia's eye?'

Munch had had enough. 'Have you got anything meaningful you'd like to say, O'Hara, or should we just leave it there for now?'

'One cannot make a silk purse from a pig's ear,' said Gerard. 'Does that count?'

'OK, that's it.' Munch stood up. 'I'm done with this creep for now.'

'Good,' said Fin. 'I'll keep him occupied while you're away.' He sat down across the table from Gerard and smiled. 'Anyone ever tell you I was in Narcotics? You can learn some pretty interesting shit on that job, you know what I'm saying?'

For the first time Gerard looked slightly concerned, and Munch shot Fin a warning look as he left the room and headed for Cragen's office. 'Any news on Liv?'

Cragen sighed. 'Elliot called a half hour ago, she's finally out of surgery but she's still unconscious.'

Munch looked at him expectantly. 'And?'

Cragen frowned. 'And what?'

'And, how long is it going to be before she's OK again?'

'John...' There was no easy way to put this. 'He said that she's still almost completely unresponsive.' Cragen had never before heard Elliot Stabler crying, and he could happily go the rest of his life without ever having to hear it again. 'She's probably not going to live through the next 48 hours.'

Munch looked as if someone had slapped him. 'No, that's not possible, they must be able to do something-'

'John...' Cragen put his hand on Munch's shoulder. 'I think they've done everything they can.'

Munch pushed him away angrily. 'Well, can't they try something else?'

Cragen sighed again. 'John-'

'Right.' Munch was grabbing his jacket and heading for the door. 'I'm going down there-'

'No, John.' Cragen shook his head. 'Elliot's there. I think we should give him some time alone with her. You know how close they were.'

Munch muttered to himself, but went and sat back down at his desk.

**_A/N: Good? More? Send me a review and I'll take it from there!_**


	20. Chapter 20

_**A/N: So, I beat my target of 100 reviews before Chapter 20 by 3! You're all awesome, and thank you for sending me lots and lots of them for the last chapter - they really improved my mood at a time that I really needed it. So, to say thanks, I put all my other stories on hold temporarily to get this one written and updated for you all.**_

_**Luvaofdogs (your name intrigues me, btw) - she's my favourite too. When she leaves the show, my interest in it will decrease exponentially.**_

_**courtneylovejason, SoLetsPlayDoctorBabe, and ashleysvureader - I'm sorry to have put you all through such angst - but hopefully this chapter will make you feel better...**_

_**inspirationimagination and ladybugsmomma - I'm glad you liked how Fin and Munch played off each other in the interrogation. Not enough focus gets put on them as a pair in most fics (guilty of that myself sometimes) but they're so awesome together, I just love them.**_

_**Hutch917 and balseirocharmed - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I really needed to hear that, so thank you.**_

_**And Jennifer - thank you so much for your lovely, lovely review. You made me feel so much better, and that is really no mean feat when I felt as awful as I did the other day. Something even worse has actually gone on since then, but you've still made me feel better, so thank you... sometimes I wish I had slightly less personal experience of some of my subject matter, but hey, it makes me who I am, right? Someone the other day, on hearing what I did work-wise, said 'wow, you're like the non-TV version of Mariska, aren't you?' and, yes, that did make me almost want to jump up and down with excitement... and I wouldn't have ever gotten involved with what I do without my own personal experience, so I guess that's something. (And I apologise unreservedly for the cliffhangers.)  
><strong>_

_**Anyway... long ramble over, and I hope you enjoy how this chapter plays out - send me a review or two to let me know!  
><strong>_

_'She has a punctured lung, multiple rib fractures, a shattered right femur, and two hairline fractures in her skull.' The doctor looked up from his notes. 'She also suffered a variety of blast injuries from the explosion itself, the most serious being severe pulmonary contusions, which subsequently caused both lungs to collapse and total respiratory failure.'_

Elliot hunched over in the chair next to Olivia's bed. She was still unconscious. It had been twelve days. Yesterday, someone had come in to finally take her off the ventilator, and while that was an improvement, she still had the plastic tubing in her nose and more electrical equipment than you'd find in the average surveillance van hooked up to her. Occasionally he managed to corner a passing doctor but they all told him the same thing, no matter how much he harassed them - 'wait and see.'

He'd sat there for what seemed like forever, watching the bruises on her face and limbs steadily fading, listening to all the beeps and whirs of the medical equipment and the mechanical wheezing of that goddamn ventilator, and it was driving him insane. The doctor had told him that the fact that she had even started breathing on her own again was incredible, but... it wasn't enough. _She still wasn't her. She might never be her again. _ All he could do was sit there, holding her hand and sometimes stroking her hair or her cheek. Every so often he'd stand up, kiss her forehead, and then rest his own forehead against hers for a few seconds. Then he'd kiss her again, squeeze her hand and sit back down to begin the ritual all over again.

_'The surgeons have successfully removed both the metal spar and most of the shrapnel. She's incredibly lucky to be alive. When the EMTs brought her in yesterday, both her pupils were fixed and dilated, she'd stopped breathing, she was almost totally unresponsive to any external stimuli... to be honest with you, I really thought that there was no chance at all. She's repeatedly proved me wrong so far, but for now, I'm afraid, there's nothing more that we can really do. It's just going to have to be a case of wait and see. ' _

He stretched, got up and sat on edge of her bed and stroked her hair, carefully avoiding the dressing taped to the side of her head from where the surgeons had removed a chunk of her skull and shaved off a large patch of her hair. _She's going to be so pissed about that when she wakes up. If she wakes up. No, shut up, Elliot, it's when, not if. _'Liv, please, just open your eyes for me. Just say something, anything, even if it's just to tell me to fuck the hell off and leave you alone.'

_'The metal spar itself caused a massive internal bleed and damaged several internal organs. We've had to remove her gall bladder, parts of her liver and part of her small intestine. It also completely destroyed her right kidney, but as long as the left one continues to hold up, which so far it is, that shouldn't be a problem.'_

He put his other hand on hers and held it. 'I know you, Benson, you just want to make me beg.' He smiled and kissed her forehead. 'I'll do all your paperwork for you for a year, is that enough?' _She can't hear you, Elliot._ He bit down hard on his lower lip. _Yes, yes, she can, I know she can. _ 'I'll buy you coffee every day until we both retire. And not the usual cheap stuff from the diner, I'll walk the extra six blocks to get you the soy milk caramel Americano with two extra shots that you like, even if one cup of the stuff does cost more than my house.'

_'The main concern now is the traumatic brain injury caused by the blast wind from the explosion. Her brain literally collided with the inside of her skull, and she suffered both a subarachnoid haematoma and an intraparenchymal haemorrhage, causing a dangerous rise in intracranial pressure.'_

He bit his lip, leaned down and kissed her forehead again. 'I hope you know that you've got a lot of people worrying about you, Liv.' He stroked the side of her face with his forefinger. 'Fin came in to see you, and Munch brought a huge lot of flowers which we, you know, had to give to the nurses because they're not allowed in the ICU, but it's the thought that counts... and Alex brought the box of Lou Reed CDs I've been playing for you, remember?' Elliot would never understand her love for Lou Reed music, but it was better than listening to Mrs Rosenberg down the hall mercilessly berating her stubbornly comatose husband for ignoring her.

He sighed. 'You know, you should have just stayed in the car, and then you would have been fine. It's like I told Moore, I'd choose you over me any time.' He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead again. 'I'm not worth this, Olivia, anyone could have told you that.'

_'Unfortunately the intraparenchymal bleed occurred within the brain stem itself, and such an injury carries a very high mortality rate in that over 75% of patients die within the first 24 hours alone. In her case, the bleed compressed the cranial nerves and particularly the vagus nerve, and as a result of this she is unable to breathe on her own.' _

He lifted his legs up onto the bed, moved the plastic tubing out of the way and lay down next to her. 'I'm so sorry, Liv, I really am.' He began to stroke her hair again with his right hand, interlocking the fingers of his left with hers and tracing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb. 'I'll make it up to you. I'll... paint your bathroom.' That sounded wrong. 'And build those shelves you got that you can't figure how to put up. You know, the ones you hid in the hallway closet, behind that stack of ancient women's magazines.' He smiled. 'And... and I'll fix the toilet so that it doesn't keep flushing on its own whenever it feels like it and scaring you in the middle of the night.' None of these sounded like suitably grand gestures. He sighed. 'Tell you what, Liv, whatever you want me to do, just tell me and I'll do it.'

_'The surgeons performed a craniectomy to relieve the pressure on her brain, which is strictly against hospital protocol I might add, but as far as knowing what permanent damage, if any, has been caused, we will just have to wait and see if and when she wakes up.'_

'Please, Olivia, I need you.' He bit his lip, silently willing himself not to start crying again. 'I love you, Olivia, and I can't live without you, please, please don't make me...'

_'I'm going to be honest with you, Detective; at this stage, her even regaining consciousness at all is going to be a success. Over half of the deaths from an injury like this occur during the first 48 hours, so if she lives past that point then that is a very good sign. Like I said, we just have to wait and see, but she's still in a coma. She's listed you as next of kin, and... well, now might be a good time to start thinking about what course of action you'd like to take if she doesn't improve.'_

He stroked her cheek with his finger. 'Liv, I know I give you crap about this all the time, but to be honest I love that you're a willful, recalcitrant pain in the ass. I need you to really outdo yourself for me this time, Olivia. You've survived this much, and if anyone's stubborn enough to get through this, it's you.' He kissed her cheek and closed his eyes, breathing in the smell of her hair.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Four hours later, he had begun to doze off when he suddenly felt her move. 'Liv?'

'Hmmmmmm?' She opened her eyes a little.

'Liv, it's me, it's El, can you hear me?' Elliot sat up and waved a passing nurse over.

'El...' She smiled faintly and squeezed his hand.

_Oh my God... she knows who I am..._ He bit his lip and stroked the side of her face. 'Yes, Liv, it's me.'

She tried to move her arm and winced. 'Elliot... why do I hurt...'

Elliot felt a rush of guilt. _Oh, Liv, I'm so sorry..._ 'I managed to get us both blown up, remember?'

She frowned. 'No...'

He smiled, leaned down and kissed her forehead. 'Well, you jumped on me and saved my dumb ass.'

'Oh.' She closed her eyes again as he began to stroke her hair. 'Was it cool?'

_That's my Liv._ Elliot smiled again and kissed her hand. 'Very.'

**_A/N: Are you all happy? I was. I love them together (as you can probably tell.) Anyway, send me a review and let me know, and I'll get started on the next chapter for you all!_**


	21. Chapter 21

_**A/N: So, I have another new chapter for you... thank you so much for all your lovely reviews on my last one, all the moral support was greatly appreciated. (The same goes for anyone who reads this who's also been reading 'Hysteria' - you've given me so much of a confidence boost that words cannot describe.)**_

_**I'm really glad you all liked the ending as much as I did. I love watching them together, and I think in that part they were particularly cute.**_

_**inspirationimagination - I'm glad that the medical terminology seemed to work for you. I actually did premed at college before I moved into Fine Art, so I still had a bit of the background knowledge, but me being me I'm still a stickler for facts and accuracy so I had all my textbooks out checking things over... anyway, I'm glad that it worked, because I didn't want to go overboard, but I also wanted to explain her sudden deterioration on the way there as well as what was wrong with her, rather than just have vague unexplained and improbable symptoms... Your reviews are always so lovely and descriptive, so thank you =)**_

_**balseirocharmed - I'm so, so glad you liked the format =) Some people really criticise me when I have the hopping-back-and-forth thing, but sometimes it's just the best way to explain or depict something... plus in real life experiences are rarely strictly linear, so I like to work that into my writing. Your reviews are always lovely and descriptive too and I always look forward to getting them =)**_

_**lexiaalia93, courtneylovejason, ashleysvureader, Luvaofdogs - I'm really happy you liked the ending so much. I thought it really helped balance out the tension in the rest of the chapter. Also, SoLetsPlayDoctorBabe - thank you. I would be lying to say that I did not preen a little when I got your review. What can I say, a little blatant flattery is always a bonus.**_

_**Jennifer - thank you, you are a sweetheart, as ever =)**_

_**ladybugsmomma - we all know what Elliot's like with his feelings... so bribery seemed like the way he would go in trying to express how important she is. Like inspirationimagination said, it's only towards the end that he actually starts to open up a little. I wanted to try and balance the factual with the emotional in this one, and I thought that mixing Elliot's thoughts with the general description was a good way of doing it... that, and the ending of course =)**_

_**Anyway, this chapter's the start of a section in the story which will have a slightly different feel, and I'm going to put a lot of effort in to try and make it realistic, so I hope you like it just as much as you have the earlier chapters. (inspirationimagination and courtneylovejason - I'll go back to the medical textbooks.)**_

_**Sorry about the super long note, but anyway - give the chapter a read, and I hope you like it, and feel free to send me a review to let me know!**_

'Well, you're looking better.' When Elliot had slipped out to go and shower and change for the first time in six weeks, after noticing that the nurses were keeping an increasingly greater distance from him every time they came into the room, Olivia had been fast asleep. Now she was sitting up eating yet another pudding cup and watching 'As The World Turns' on the television.

Olivia smiled widely and held up the spoon. 'I'm on my third pot of Jell-O.'

'Ah. No wonder.' _What is it with her and those little pots of Jell-O?_

'Yup. Come on, come watch this with me.' She patted the side of the bed. 'You smell a lot better now, by the way.'

'Gee, thanks.' He rolled his eyes and sat down next to her, swinging his legs up onto the bed and settling back against the pillows. 'What's happening?'

'I've no idea but I think that guy is planning something. And those two wimples-' She frowned. 'No, not wimples, wi... wim... FUCK!' She slammed her fist into the mattress in frustration. 'Wim... wi...'

Elliot sighed, put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. 'Women?'

'YES, women, well, these two women both want to sleep with this one guy but he doesn't want either of them, he wants this other guy's wife, and this other guy, he wants this woman he saw on a pl... ply... plan...' She stopped and bit her lip thoughtfully. 'PLANE, on a plane, but she's not a woman, she's a man, and-'

_Good Lord._ 'OK, never mind.' Elliot reached over, took another Jell-O pot from the stack on the nightstand, peeled back the lid and handed it to her. 'There you go, you can make a start on number four.'

She smiled, stretched up and kissed him on the cheek. 'Thanks El.' She took a large spoonful. 'Mmm, this is really good!' She took another spoonful and offered it to him. 'Want to train it?' She frowned again. 'Tr... tr... try it?'

_That's my girl._ He nodded. 'Yes, Liv, try it.'

She bristled. 'No, YOU try it!' She shoved the spoon in his face and waited expectantly.

_Yikes._ Elliot glanced at the spoon, took a deep breath and reluctantly opened his mouth so that she could poke the spoon in. Olivia was grinning at him again. 'Pretty fucking good, huh?'

_No._ 'Uh, yes, Liv, excellent.' Sometimes he wasn't sure what was more unsettling - the problems she was having with words, or the unpredictable mood swings. _Who would have known one small bit of your brain did so much?_ 'Do you want to practice your words some more?'

She snorted derisively. 'No, why would I want to do that?'

_Because I need to believe that we can rebuild the connections in your brain._ 'Well, because it'll be fun!' Elliot tried to put on his best fake-enthusiasm voice. 'It'll be like a game!'

Olivia's eyes narrowed dangerously at him. 'Don't parenthesise me, Elliot.'

_Well played, asshole._ 'Come on Liv, humour me.' He pulled out the scrapbook of pictures he'd cut out of magazines for her, kissed her cheek and settled back against the pillows, wrapping his arm tighter around her shoulders. 'Look, what's this?'

Olivia rolled her eyes. 'A coat.'

'Well done, and this?'

'Uh...' She chewed on her lip. 'It's a...'

Elliot had already noticed that while she was pretty good on general everyday items, it was the small details she had trouble with. 'Think, Liv, it's a b... b...'

She pursed her lips thoughtfully. 'A b... burn.'

'Not quite, but close. It's a bu...'

'Bundy.'

'No, Liv, that's a serial killer, but this is a...'

She frowned thoughtfully. 'A but... BUTTON! It's a button!' She broke into a broad grin, and then a hint of uncertainty flashed across her face. 'It's a button, right, El?'

He smiled, nodded and kissed her forehead. 'Yes, Liv, it is. Now, what's this?'

She pouted. 'Can't we stop now? I'm bored.'

'Just a few more, OK, Liv?' He pointed at the page again. 'What's this?'

Olivia glared at him impatiently. 'Well, I don't fucking know, do I?'

_She always gets defensive when she's afraid._ Elliot smiled patiently. 'Yes, you do, Liv, just think.' _I know that you can do this._

'It's a... a... labia.'

Elliot's jaw dropped. _Jesus Christ._ 'Uh, no, it isn't, but that's, uh, close. Think, Liv. What is it?'

'La... la... label?'

He felt a rush of hope. _She's getting so much better at this._ 'Almost there, Liv, now come on, you can do this, OK?'

'It's a...' A look of realisation crossed her face and she smiled at him. 'It's a lapel, Elliot.'

He smiled and kissed the top of her head. 'Good girl.' _I am so proud of you, Liv..._

She looked at him hopefully. 'Does that mean that I can have some more pudding now?'

Elliot smiled again. 'Yes, yes you can.' _Her concentration span was so limited right now that trying to do any more than two or three words at once was a waste of time. _He reached over and grabbed her another pot of Jell-O, laughing as he watched her eagerly rip it open. 'Are you going to be ready to do some more in a minute?'

'I don't want to.' She frowned. 'Do I have to?'

_If I have anything to do with it, yes._ 'Come on, Liv, you're getting so much better! Can't you see how much better you're getting?'

She thought about it. 'Not really. I'm still bald.' She pouted again. 'Elliot, why do I have to be bald?'

_Because life is unfair and I'm a useless asshole._ He sighed. 'Because, Liv, as beautiful as your hair is, it would have made trying to open up your skull a little difficult, and if they hadn't done that then you'd be dead.'

'Fuck them, they should have tried harder. I don't look like me any more.' Her eyes welled up with tears and she blinked them away impatiently. 'I don't feel like me any more.'

'It's OK, Liv, your hair will grow back.' He leaned in and kissed her forehead. 'And I still think you're beautiful, even if you are half bald.'

She angrily shoved another huge spoonful of pudding into her mouth. 'Liar.'

He smiled and stroked the side of her face. 'Liv, you are the most beautiful, wonderful person I have ever known, and nothing will ever change that.'

She looked at him and broke into a wide smile. 'I lung you, El.'

He bit his lip, trying very hard not to laugh. 'I lung you too, Liv.'

Olivia glared. 'You bastard, you know want I mean.'

'I know.' He kissed her forehead again. 'And I love you too, Olivia.'

'Good morning, Olivia!' A nurse suddenly appeared pushing a trolley, smiling cheerfully, and Elliot felt Olivia shrink back against him. _Oh God._ 'It's time for me to change your dressings again...'

Olivia scowled and Elliot felt her fingernails starting to dig into his palm. 'Fuck you, I don't want them changed, it hurts.'

The nurse sighed patiently. 'I know, but it's important to prevent infection as you heal-'

'How am I going to heal if you keep ripping half my skin off with the damned dressings every day?' She was trying to sound angry, but Elliot could feel her trembling.

'Come on Liv, it's OK...' Elliot tried to stroke her hair and she batted his hand away angrily.

'NO, NO, it's NOT OK, I don't WANT them changed, Elliot, I DON'T!'

She was becoming more and more distressed, her voice rapidly filling with panic, and Elliot shot the nurse an apologetic look and put his arm back around Olivia's shoulders. _They'd had to go through the exact same thing yesterday with another nurse._ 'Liv, calm down, I'm right here, OK?'

Her lip trembled and she burst into tears. 'Elliot, I don't want her to change them, it hurts, please don't mail me!' She threw her arms around his shoulders, buried her face in the front of his shirt and sobbed. 'Please, Elliot, please...'

Elliot bit his lip, put his arms around her and stroked her hair. 'Ssshhhh, Liv, no one's going to make you do anything.' Even if he knew that it was the brain injury and the damage to her orbitofrontal cortex and temporal lobe that was making her act like this, it was still almost more than he could take to hear her sobbing like this every day. 'It's OK, Liv, ssssshhhhh, come on, it's OK...' He looked up at the nurse. 'It's OK, she's just scared. Sometimes she finds everything a bit overwhelming.'

The nurse smiled sympathetically. 'Don't worry. I think I'd be scared too.' She cleared her throat. 'Olivia, what if I promised you that I would do my absolute best to stop it from hurting?'

'How wool you do that? It always hurts, it always hurts!' She started to cry harder, her fingernails digging into Elliot's back as she clenched her hands into fists. 'I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!'

'Sssshhh, Liv, come on.' He kissed the top of her head and hugged her tighter. 'Liv, please don't cry.' _I know that you're afraid to see what's under the dressings again, but I'm here and everything's going to be OK, I promise..._

'Please, Elliot, please drone make me deign this, Elliot, please!'

_Her problem with words always seemed to get worse when she was upset._ 'Liv, it's OK. It'll only take a few minutes, and I'll be right here the whole time, holding your hand, OK?' He stroked her hair soothingly. 'Sssshhhh, Liv, come on, you trust me, I know you do.'

'Yes, El, I do.' She looked up at him, her face red and puffy. 'Do you promise it won't hurt, El?'

He sighed. 'Liv, I can't promise that, but if it does, just squeeze my hand and I'll squeeze it right back, OK?' He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead. 'OK?'

She chewed uncertainly on her lower lip. 'OK, El.'

He kissed her again. 'Good girl.' He took her hand and squeezed it, and then glanced up at the nurse. 'I think we're good.'

The nurse smiled, lowered the back of the bed and began to unpack the supplies. 'You're lucky that you have such a wonderful husband, dear, I wish mine was half as lovely...'

Olivia wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as Elliot helped her to roll over onto her front, wincing as her heavily bandaged right leg pressed against the mattress. 'He's not my husband.'

The nurse had started to untie the strings on the back of Olivia's hospital gown. 'Oh, I'm sorry, I just assumed...'

'That's OK, but he's not.' Olivia tried to smile, and then winced again as she felt the first dressings being peeled back. Elliot knelt down next to her face, kissed her forehead and began to stroke her hair soothingly, and she smiled at him and stroked the side of his face. 'Not officially, anyway.'

_**A/N: What do you think? Is it working OK?**_

_**We'll be back to what's going in with the case in general and with Gerard soon, I promise! I just feel that sometimes the show and some other stories can skip over the long-term consequences of things a bit, and that bugs me a little... plus I needed me some nice E/O bonding time (which I like. As you may have guessed.)**_


	22. Chapter 22

_**A/N: Another update for you and a few more developments health-wise as well as addressing Gerard a little more, and I really hope you enjoy it, and send me a review to let me know! The next one is almost ready to go already so it might be up in the next couple of days if I really haul butt on it.**_

_**Kristy6 - thank you so, so much for your lovely (and numerous) reviews, and I'm glad you like my writing enough to compensate for my lack of truly explicit sex scenes... Also, I'm really glad that you like the style of my writing and my rather odd extended knowledge of serial killers... it's always good to find something where that's useful! I'm happy you like my characterisation too, because I've really been trying to work on that. The general lavish compliments - thank you. Thank you so much. They are great for improving my mood, which is to be honest always a good thing right now (but what can I say, things can only get better, right?)**_

_**inspirationimagination - I'm so happy you liked it and that you thought it was realistically done. I put a lot of effort into making sure everything I write is technically accurate as well as (hopefully) interesting/entertaining.**_

_**balseirocharmed - I love that you liked that part too =) It was one of my favourite moments so far in this story. To be honest with the depth of their friendship they've kind of been unofficially married in a weird way for a while... I'm so glad that you loved the chapter though, so hopefully you'll like this one just as much!**_

_**courtneylovejason - it hasn't been really officially declared that they're together yet. To be honest, I don't think either of them really knows what their romantic status is, so they're still trying to figure it out - especially because a brain injury like Olivia's can temporarily affect judgement of things like social mores and emotion, and stressing her too much by making her try and define something that important is a bad idea anyway. She's slowly getting better though, so who knows what might happen soon?**_

_**Jennifer - yeah, only half her hair is missing. I mentioned it in an earlier chapter I think - they only shaved a (fairly large) patch on one side of her skull so that they could cut out a bone flap and give her brain space to swell. Generally when they perform a craniectomy like she had, they don't replace the missing piece of skull straight away, but once the metal plate's in they'll start letting her hair grow again (which should make her very happy, because as you can see from her general appearance on the show, she seems to really take care of her hair.)**_

_**ladybugsmomma - I'm so happy you liked it!**_

_**Anyway, marathon note over, I hope you like the chapter, and please send me a review to let me know!** _

'So, Liv, did you get a chance to talk with the doctor properly while I was out?' Olivia had eaten so many of the pudding cups that the hospital was refusing to give her any more, and after she had sulked for two and a half days Elliot had finally agreed to go and buy more from the nearest grocery store on the condition that she promised to be nice to the doctor. _And not to call him a fucking useless dickwad every time he refuses to let you go home yet. _On the plus side, at least she'd stopped throwing things. 'Liv?'

'Yes, El, of course I fucking did.' Olivia rolled her eyes impatiently and took a huge mouthful of pudding. 'How many of these did you get?'

Elliot just looked at her. 'And...?'

Olivia looked indignant. 'And, I don't want to run out!'

_Her and that damn pudding... _ Elliot sighed. 'I meant with the doctor, Liv.'

'Oh. Not much. It was kind of dull actually. That guy is such a boring old cunt.'

_While he would never get used to hearing Olivia swear, she did have a point._ 'But everything seemed OK?'

She raised her eyebrow and gestured at herself. 'El, I'm covered in scars, half my hair is gone and I'm being held together by bits of metal. Do I fucking look OK to you?'

_Fair point._ 'But Liv, you're so much better than you were...'

She snorted. 'Yeah, right. He still says that I can't go home yet.'

_Oh God, you called him a dickwad again, didn't you?_ 'Believe me, Liv, you are. Don't you remember when Munch came to visit you and asked if the half-shaved look was meant to be some kind of fashion statement?'

Olivia's eyes narrowed. 'He was an asshole.'

'I know, and you told him so._' In fact, her exact words had been 'suck my lily white dick, you useless cunt', delivered as she grabbed the water jug off the table beside her and threw it at him._ 'If you threw that jug at him now, Liv, you'd hit him square on.' _Rather than completely misjudging it and breaking the window._

She looked vaguely satisfied. 'Yeah, I would.'

'You see?' He smiled and kissed her forehead. 'And you're so much better at social cues now and behaving appropriately...' _Even if you do still cuss like a bad-tempered sailor._

She snorted. 'Come on, El, I wad never that bad.'

'Oh yeah? Do you remember when Fin commented on the scar on your right leg and you said 'you should see how far up it goes!' and then I had to physically restrain you from pulling off your hospital gown to show him?' _And then you screamed at me and called me a buzzkilling asshole?_

'Ohhhh...' Olivia closed her eyes and cringed. 'I'd hoped that was a deem...'

'A dream?' He laughed. 'Why, do you often have those kinds of dreams about Fin?'

Olivia shrugged. 'Yeah, once or twice.'

Elliot's jaw dropped. _She can't be serious. _ 'You're pulling my leg, right?'

She frowned. 'I don't know what that means.'

_Well done, Elliot, you know that she doesn't understand metaphors any more._ 'I was asking if you were serious, Liv.'

'Well, yeah, of cords I am, but it doesn't mean anything. They're just dreams. I have them about lots of people.' She peeled off the lid of another pudding cup.

'Oh. OK.' He paused. 'So, you, uh... you ever have dreams like that about me?'

She shrugged. 'Yeah, once.'

'You did? What happened?' _Was I any good?_

'You were watching me and Munch on your desk, and you asked if I'd decided to fuck him wildly on it out of spite because you hand not brought me a doughnut.'

_Fuck._ 'Oh.'

She smiled at him pityingly. 'Awww, aren't you sweet. You're jealous of dream Fin and dream Munch...'

'No, I'm not.' _Yes I am._

She smiled at him again. 'It's OK, El, I didn't need to dream about that with you because we'd already done it once, remember?'

He smiled and took her hand. 'I do.'

'Actually, wait, no.' She paused thoughtfully. 'There was that one time with Alex about ten years ago, now that I think about it...'

_Really? Oh God, really? OK, Elliot act casual._ 'Oh? Uh, what happened in that one?'

'Well, I was testifying in court and she asked for an adjournment, and I asked why, and then she tore off her dress and...' She stopped and winked. 'Well, you know.'

_Oh, I do, I do..._ 'And, uh, where did I come into it?' _Who was I with? Was it both of you? Please tell me it was both of you._

Olivia wiped her finger around the inside of the empty pot and licked it. 'Well, I asked if you wanted to join in and you said no, there was a street mime outside, and then you left.'

Elliot's jaw dropped. _What the fuck, dream Elliot? _

'Didn't matter though, me and Alex still had plenty of fun on our own.' Olivia smiled brightly at him.

Elliot was still silently cursing his dream self. _A street mime? You missed what was maybe the hottest thing in the history of the human subconscious to go hang out with a goddamn street mime?_ 'Oh well, it probably would have just opened up a whole can of worms ten years ago anyway...' _Yeah, you just keep telling yourself that until you feel better._

Olivia was frowning again. 'I don't know what that means.'

_Of course you don't._ 'It means it's not important.' _I can't believe I let myself get cockblocked by a fucking street mime. _'So did the doctor say anything else?'

She rolled her eyes. 'Yeah, he said that I might start having issues with poor judgment, if you can believe that.'

_That doesn't sound good, you're meant to be the sensible one..._ 'What does that mean?'

'Well, I told him that I'd already slept with you twice so my judgment couldn't really get any worse.'

'Wow, Liv, thanks.' _You're just full of compliments today._

'You're welcome, El.' She smiled at him. 'Hey, guess what?'

'What?'

'I made the doctor show me some of my X-rays, and you wool not BELIEVE all the metal stuff I have in me! I have pins and rods and screws and plates! I'm like the bionic woman!' She grinned enthusiastically and jabbed at the dressing covering the missing patch of her skull, and Elliot had to suppress the urge to wince. 'And sue I'm going to actually have a metal plate in my skull! Isn't that cool?'

_Please don't poke your brain again._ 'Yes, Liv, yes it is.' _Weren't you upset about this a minute ago?_

'And I died six times! SIX TIMES! That's five more than most people ember get to, and I'm still alive, El! I could die DOZENS more times before I'm dead!' She paused thoughtfully and frowned. 'That didn't make much sense, did it?'

Elliot sighed and kissed her forehead. 'Not really, Liv, no.'

'Six times, though! That's pretty damn impressive, right?'

Elliot swallowed awkwardly. 'Yes.' _It was horrifying for me to have to live through. I had to watch you die twice in the ambulance, once in the ER, and then when you were in surgery someone came out and told me that you'd been in arrest for almost three minutes and that it didn't look good for you. I never want to have to see that or hear that again._ 'Yes, it is impressive.'

'Hell of a story to tell at parties, right?' Olivia smiled. 'And if that doesn't impress them I'll just whip my top up and show them my stomach. I look like a patchwork quilt under here.' She plucked at her hospital gown and sighed. 'Probably can't wear a two-piece at the pool any more. Don't want to scare small children.'

Elliot laughed. 'I'm sure they can take it, Liv. And who knows, it might turn out to be a good look for you.'

'Hmmm... if you say so.' She paused and cleared her throat. 'Look, El, I'm really sorry for getting you into this mess. I should have seam through Gerard and I didn't.'

'But, Liv, you did.' He smiled at her and squeezed her hand reassuringly. 'You were the one who told me to look into him, remember?'

She looked at him and raised her eyebrows. 'Yeah, but you would have done it anyway.'

_True._ 'But you asked me, Liv, that's what counts.'

'Not soon enough, not soon enough to same that girl, I could ham saved that girl, El...' She burst into tears. 'El, I could have stocked him from killing her and I didn't, I wand too busy thinking about... about how he seemed to like me, and how he seen nice enough, and about how soon I could persuade him to get married so that... so that I could have a baby before it want too late...' She began to cry harder. 'That's all I wanted, El, I was owning thingie of myself-'

'Hey.' He put both his arms around her and hugged her tightly, beginning to stroke her hair soothingly. 'Olivia, you didn't know he was a rapist. You couldn't have known what he would do. This is not your fault, Liv, it's not.'

'BUT I STOOD HAVE KNOWN!' She looked up at him, her eyes wide. 'El, I work pour SVU, I lee his kind emery day, I STOOD HAVE KNOWN!'

He bit his lip and kissed the top of her head. 'Liv, the guy is a master manipulator. He is a sociopath who has a lot of experience with deceiving people. This is not your fault, really it isn't. He just took advantage of you when you were vulnerable.'

She was sobbing so hard that she could barely talk. 'I feel really...'

'Sssssshhhh Liv, come on, it's OK, ssshhhhh.' He kept stroking her hair. 'He had the whole precinct fooled, they were actually defending him to me. Everyone thought he was a good guy.'

She pulled back and looked up at him. 'Nod you.'

'What?'

'He didn't has you fooled, El. I should have lissom and I didn't because... because I fold you were just jealous.'

'Ssssh, don't be silly.' _To be fair, it was at least partly that_. 'Olivia, if it helps, I think he did actually really like you in his own weird, twisted way. I don't think it was just a game for him, not at first anyway.'

She sniffed again and rested her head against his shoulder. 'Thanks, El.' _That shouldn't hemp, but it does._

He stroked her back and kissed her forehead. 'That's OK, Liv.'

_**A/N: What did you think? Send me a review and let me know!**_

_**I'd also like to ask for a little bit of advice - weird place to ask for it, but Jennifer did say that people here look out for each other, and God knows I need that right now as I have no-one else - my mother just told me that she hates me, has always hated me, and can't believe that she wasted eighteen years raising a useless failure like me who is good both at and for nothing and has gotten to 25 without ever doing anything beyond making others miserable. The question is - anyone had something similar happen? Does anyone have any idea how to maybe move on from something like that or to how to live with it?**_

_**Weird irrelevancy over, I hope you liked the chapter!  
><strong>_


	23. Chapter 23

_**A/N: Yes, it is (miraculously) a new chapter of Paranoia for you! I decided to just try and fight through the writer's block and hopefully I got there well enough in the end. I'm sorry for the huge delay on this one, and don't forget to send me a review to let me know what you think! (I think that this chapter will make a lot of you very, very happy.)**_

___**plainweirdoJayne - thank you you for your review. Thank you SO, SO much. It was awesome and it made my week. I love it when people get recommendations and then really like what they see... so hopefully this update came soon enough for you!**_

___**balseirocharmed - you are, as ever, awesome. Gerard was arrested, yes, but he's still in Rikers while everyone's bitching over who gets him (there are a LOT of jurisdictions involved, plus of course Homeland Security... and there'll be more on that soon! I'm also really glad you like the way I write Olivia's speech, paraphasia can be a tricky one to do but once you understand the mechanisms of it it's not so bad... and it's improving for her now too, so that's good.**_

__**_Kristy6 - thank you for the plug on svufans, I was on there the other day and saw it. As far as this chapter goes, Liv is healing more every week so that should make you happy. It shouldn't be too much longer before she's back to her old self (or close enough, anyway.)_**

**_ladybugsmomma - I'm really glad I made you laugh! You have to find the humour in these things I think, or else you lose your mind (I've said that a fair bit in my 'Heritage' ANs too, I think...)_**

**_inspirationimagination - the same thing as I said to ladybugsmomma - I'm glad it made you laugh (and I loved that scene on the show.) I do try to balance her vulnerability with his protectiveness, so hopefully that's working OK._**

**_**_lexiaalia93 - you're lovely. Thank you =)_**_**

**_courtneylovejason - yeah, explosives are a bitch... living in Northern Ireland, I know pretty well what they can do, and how they do it, so that knowledge can come in handy for stuff like this (even if it is pretty depressing to have.) I like that you like how she messes her words up - I personally find it quite endearing..._**

**_ashleysvureader - I know, I can't imagine what it would be like to come out of something like this and know how you behaved during it... at least she'll have Elliot there to help convince her it's not her fault, though, and I figure he's probably pretty good at explaining to people that it's not really her who's doing it, it's the brain trauma._**

****_**redorchid - I'm happy you liked it =)**_

_**And, lou3174 - you're going to like this one...  
><strong>_

_**Thank you all for your support over the issues I mentioned last time, you all made me feel so, so much better... so, thank you. **_

_**Marathon note over, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and send me a review to let me know! For all my new reviewers last week - I hope I see more of you, and that you all keep reading and enjoying it!**_

_**(in the near future there will be more smut, if that acts as an incentive.)  
><strong>_

Elliot paused outside Olivia's room and listened carefully. He'd learned from bitter experience that when she'd just had to spend three hours doing the dreaded neurological tests with someone she hated with a passion, she tended to take out her frustrations on whoever was unlucky enough to be around at the time. _And unfortunately, that was usually him. _

He took a deep breath and peered tentatively around the door to see Olivia sitting up in bed and building a house of cards. _OK, she doesn't look angry... _ He cleared his throat nervously. 'Liv?'

She looked up and smiled brightly at him. 'Look, El, I got the fuckers to balance!'

Elliot breathed a sigh of relief. _Thank God._ 'Very nice, Liv.' He sat down on the bed next to her, leaned in and kissed her forehead. 'Did you have a nice time with the doctor?'

She snorted. 'No. The guy's a boring old cunt, El, we've been through this.'

Elliot sighed to himself_. She had a point._ 'Well, what did you guys talk about?'

Olivia shrugged and picked up two more cards from the deck. 'You know. Drugs, brain, how much I hate him.' Her hand jerked suddenly and the house of cards immediately collapsed. 'FUCK, stupor MYOCLONIC JERKS-' She lashed out at the table angrily and sent it skidding across the room on three wheels. 'That tug me fucking AGES, El-'

_Damn, I knew that rage was hiding in there somewhere. _'Never mind, Liv.' _Please don't kill me. _He straightened the bedclothes and took her hand. 'The doctor says that you've still got lots of time left in here to practice.' _Please, PLEASE don't kill me, I have kids..._

'I do?' She began to pout. 'But I wand to go home now, El, I'm bored...'

Elliot put his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. 'Oh, stop your whining.'

Olivia gave him a dirty look, snatched her hand away and crossed her arms. 'Fuck you, asshole.'

_Nice one, Elliot, you woke the beast. _He swallowed nervously. 'Well, if it helps, Liv, I don't plan on going anywhere until you do.'_ And I'm honestly not just saying that because I'm afraid you'll kill me otherwise, although I'd still really appreciate it if you didn't._

Now she was smiling at him again and stroking his hand. 'It does help.' She stretched up and kissed his cheek. 'Thank you, El.'

Elliot smiled and squeezed her hand as he leaned in to kiss her forehead again. 'That's OK, Liv, I don't mind.'

She glared at him. 'Liar.'

He smiled at her again and began to stroke her hair. 'Why would I be lying?' _You're here. Why would I want to be anywhere else?_

Olivia rolled her eyes impatiently. 'Because this dump is the most boring place in the whole fucking world.'

_Yes. Yes, it is._ 'But Liv, look at all the fun people we get to spend time with every day!' Elliot tried his best to feign enthusiasm. 'There's Mrs Marsden from Room 12 who's convinced I'm her dead husband, and your lovely doctor, and that nurse who hates me, and...' He trailed off when he saw the look on her face. 'OK, so it's a little dull.' _It's so dull that sometimes I want to peel off my own skin just to give myself something else to do._

She raised her eyebrows at him. 'And it stinks of piss.'

'That... is true, yes.' He couldn't really argue with that. The smell might have been faint, but it was definitely persistent.

'So why the fuck are you still here?'

_Because you are._ He smiled at her and stroked the side of her face. 'Olivia, I can honestly say there is nowhere else I would rather be than with you.'

She smiled. 'Me too, El.' She put her arms around him and paused thoughtfully. 'But next time, let's be with each other somewhere a bit nicer than this, OK?'

Elliot laughed and kissed the top of her head again. 'Sounds good to me, Liv.'

She smiled up at him, slid her hand up to the back of his neck, pulled him in and kissed him, pressing her lips firmly against his.

Elliot smiled and wrapped his arms around her back. _It was the first time they'd kissed properly since the night in the on-call room almost sixteen weeks before._ He hugged her tightly and she felt him trace his thumb up the side of her face and start to run his fingers through her hair.

He pulled back a little and looked at her, brushed her hair back off her face and kissed her forehead, sliding his hands down to her shoulders and beginning to stroke the sides of her neck with his thumbs. She smiled and leaned up to kiss him again, her tongue darting in and out of his mouth and her hand gripping the back of his neck before she finally pulled away and smiled up at him, her hands stroking the sides of his waist as he held his forehead against hers for a few seconds, feeling her brush her lips against his mouth as he wrapped his arms more tightly around her.

She snuggled up against him, closed her eyes and laid her head against his chest, feeling him start to stroke her hair, and then she heard him clear his throat. 'Uh, Liv...'

'Hmm?' Her eyes were still closed as she held the side of her face against his chest, feeling it rise and fall as he breathed. 'What is it, El?' She started to trace her fingers up and down his spine, enjoying the feeling of his arms around her and his hand stroking her hair.

'I...' _Liv, are we..._ 'Liv, I...' He took a deep breath. 'OK, Liv, I'm just going to bite the bullet and say it-'

She looked up at him and frowned. 'Why would you want to do that?'

'What?_' Oh, shit, right._ 'Well, because-'

'It probably wouldn't taste very nice.'

'No, I know, Liv, and I'm not going to bite an actual bullet, I just... uh... well, I mean...'

'Well then why did you say that you were?'

_Oh for the love of..._ 'Well, it's like, uh... I don't really know how to say this, Liv, I'm not a great one to, uh, wear my heart on my sleeve, but.. but I...'

She frowned again. 'I don't know what that means.'

_Of course you don't. Shit._ 'Never mind, Liv.'

She blinked. 'But El-' _Were you going to say wand I thing you were going to say?_

'OK, Miss Benson, it's two o'clock, are you ready for some more walking practice?' The physiotherapist stuck her head around the door and smiled brightly.

Olivia let go of Elliot and glared. 'No, I hate you.' _Moment-killing bitch._

The physiotherapist tutted. 'Now now, we know that you don't mean that...'

Olivia's eyes narrowed. 'I do. Oh, I do.'

'Now come on, Liv, it's not that bad...' Elliot stroked her hair and moved out of the way as the physiotherapist brought over the wheelchair. _To be fair, I'd already managed to thoroughly kill the moment anyway._

She pouted. 'But El, I don't want to go. I want to stay here and make out.'

Elliot's jaw dropped. _Jesus_. 'Uh, I know you don't want to go, Liv, but it's important.' He sighed, bent down and lifted her up out of the bed and into his arms. 'Now, are you going to be nice to the physiotherapist this time?'

Olivia shot the physiotherapist a dirty look. 'No.'

Elliot sighed. _No, I didn't think so._ 'Come on, Liv, she just wants to help you.' He smiled at her, kissed her forehead and lowered her into the wheelchair. 'The physiotherapist's a nice lady, remember?'

She scowled. 'The physiotherapist is a sadist.'

_That's probably just another one of her word substitutions..._ 'Do you mean a saint? Or, um, a... a sailor?' _A sailor? Why the fuck would she be a sailor?_

Olivia glared more. 'No, I mean a sadist.'

_Oh._ 'Well, OK, but try and be nice anyway.'

Olivia sat back in the chair and crossed her arms. 'No.'

_Oh God._ 'OK, well... have fun!' He shot the physiotherapist an apologetic look as she wheeled Olivia out of the door. _That poor woman._

He somehow managed to wait until the sound of Olivia swearing had disappeared down the hallway before collapsing into the nearest chair and closing his eyes. God, he was tired. Caring for Olivia 24 hours a day was far from an easy task, and he'd learned to take his chances to sleep where and when he found them. _There were some good points, though. _He smiled to himself and settled down to sleep.

'Mr Stabler? Mr Stabler?'

_Fucksake. I knew it was too good to be true. _Elliot opened his eyes reluctantly and saw Olivia's doctor standing beside him. 'What?'

'Mr Stabler, I was hoping to have a chat with you about the results of those neurological tests.'

'What? Why?' A horrible feeling of dread crept into his gut. 'They're OK, right?'

'Yes, yes, they're fine.'

_You absolute bastard, you scared the shit out of me. No wonder Liv hates you so much. _'Then what the hell do you want?'

The doctor smiled patiently. 'I need to discuss some issues with her main caregiver.'

'Her main caregiver?'

'Well, she'll need someone, at least for the first few months, and I just assumed-'

'Oh yeah, that'll be me. Of course that'll be me.' _For one thing, I doubt anyone else would be willing to put up with her shit._

'OK, then.' The doctor flipped through the chart. 'The implantation of the metal plate in her skull seems to have been a success, and all the scans have come back clear, so I think we can safely rule out the prospects of any further damage and focus on rehabilitating her. Her physiotherapist tells me that she's doing well so far, although I understand that there have been some... difficulties.'

Elliot was unsurprised. _Play dumb._ 'Oh? There have?'

'Yes.' The doctor raised an eyebrow at Elliot. 'I believe the physiotherapist's exact words were 'argumentative and stubborn.'

Elliot sighed to himself. _Yeah, sounds about right._ 'I'm sorry, she's not normally like that, I promise, I mean yes, she's stubborn, but she's not usually this hateful to everyone-'

The doctor smiled kindly at him. 'Mr Stabler, you don't have to apologise. This is a specialist neurological unit, and we see problems like hers every day. No one is angry with her for how she's behaving.'

_Good, because if anyone dared to think badly of her then I'd have to kill them._ 'Is it, uh... is it likely to be permanent?'

'It's possible, but unlikely.' The doctor paused and then sighed. 'I'm going to be honest with you, though - despite the progress she has made with her language, the verbal paraphasia is something that is likely to be permanent, at least to some degree.'

Elliot's stomach lurched. 'No, I'm sorry, that's not possible.' _I spend all day every day with her, I would know if she was permanently damaged, and she's not. _

'I performed a rigorous series of tests, Mr Stabler. I have nearly 25 years of experience in this field. I'm sorry, but... it is possible.'

_Oh Jesus. _ 'Are you sure?'

'Well, in some cases the paraphasia can actually become a psychological issue, in that the patient is so self-conscious about doing it that it actually makes them do it more, if that makes any sense, but... in this instance, I don't think that that's the case.'

_This isn't happening. Oh God, please tell me this isn't happening. _'You don't?'

'No. The other problems, her difficulty with social interaction, the complete loss of the sense of taste, they all indicate permanent damage to the brain's orbitofrontal cortex-'

_Wait! I knew it! I knew that it couldn't be true!_ 'No, wait, that's not right.'

'I'm sorry, Mr Stabler, but-'

'No, you don't understand, she's been eating those pudding cups like there's no tomorrow!' _Asshole just can't accept when he's wrong._ 'All she talks about is how good they are, so how can she have no sense of taste?' Elliot didn't like the sound of the desperation he could hear in his voice. 'Can't you see? It's not possible!'

The doctor sighed again. 'Mr Stabler... the reason why she likes them so much isn't because she can taste them-'

Elliot cut him off impatiently. 'But she keeps going on and on about how good they are!' _Why can't that bastard just accept that he's wrong?_

'Yes, and she knows that she enjoys them, definitely, but it's not the taste that does it.' A definite note of irritation had come into the doctor's voice. 'You see, the orbitofrontal cortex is a very complex area of the brain, and the nature of the damage that she suffered has affected the function of her mesolimbic and mesocortical neural pathways.'

Elliot blinked. _I have absolutely no idea what that means. OK, bluff. You could still be right._ 'That's, uh, interesting. What would you, uh, say that that means for her? You know, in the future?' _Hey, nicely done._

The doctor gave him a look. 'It means that her response to the pudding cups is in some ways equivalent to the response others would have to particular mind-altering substances.'

Elliot's eyes widened. _Shit._ 'Oh... I should probably stop giving her those, huh?' _Nice one, Elliot, you've managed to turn your partner into a pudding junkie._

'Well, they're not doing her any harm, but maybe you should limit her a little.' The doctor smiled, closed the chart and tucked it under his arm. 'And I just thought I'd let you know, her progress so far is pretty astounding. I'd say that that's a very determined one you've got there, Mr Stabler.'

Elliot smiled. _Maybe this guy's not so bad. _'Oh, I know. Believe me, I know.'

**_A/N: What do you think? Did it live up to expectations? Send me a review and let me know!_**


	24. Chapter 24

_**A/N: A new Paranoia chapter for you! What can I say, I felt bad about leaving it so long without an update last time, and this chapter was pretty near completion already, so I just hauled ass on it and hear it is! Thank you to everyone who reviewed my last chapter - I really appreciate the time you took to do it. Please let me know what you think this time too!  
><strong>_

_**Also, for everyone who wanted to know how things went with my mother - she's still an utter bitch. I tried to talk to her and explain the problems - no dice. Apparently PTSD is something you can just 'snap out of' when you need to. And I get to spend a week with this woman over Christmas... yay...**_

_**lou3174 - thanks for asking about my mum - and yes, as I just said, she's still a malevolent bitch.**_

_**ladybugsmomma - the trick with the pudding is going to be moderation - because eating ONLY pudding is a one-way trip to scurvy and god knows what else (I don't know if you know about the experiment with rats where they had a button to push for pleasure and one to press for food, but I studied it in college and they just pressed the pleasure button again and again until they actually starved to death...) Luckily, she has Elliot around to ration her though!**_

_**inspirationimagination - I'm glad you like how forward she has become, because that probably won't change - damage to the orbitofrontal cortex (the area right at the front of the brain that's often damaged in coup contrecoup injuries like she had) results in a loss of inhibitions... and who knows, that might do her some good (she tends to repress a lot from what I've seen.) Luckily she has Elliot around to help restrain her a little when she goes that bit too far (like with Fin and the ripping off of the hospital gown) and to defend her from anyone who might criticise her for it.**_

_**Jennifer - I'm really happy that you liked it so much =)**_

_**courtneylovejason - Yeah, it's great how much Elliot is doing for her, and writing the role that he's kind of made for himself in everything is equally awesome... I'm enjoying it anyway! And as far as the making out goes, what can I say, I'm sure she'll get her chance soon enough...**_

_**Anyway, my usual marathon note over, here's my new chapter, and I hope that you all enjoy it! And of course, please send me a review and let me know - they really do make my day!  
><strong>_

'You know El, for an ex-marine you're not very good at this whole heroic manly thing.'

Elliot sighed. The first sign Olivia was feeling better was when she was back to taking the piss. 'I still can't believe I let you talk me into helping you do a bunk from the hospital, Liv.' _Especially after you told me I'd have to carry you the whole way home..._

She snorted. 'Please, I was fine, and I was BORED! I'd been there MONTHS, I still have one good kidney, I'd had that craneplasticky thing-'

'Cranioplasty.'

'Yes, that, I've had that so my brain isn't indecent any more, and I have all those nice drugs they gave me...'

'And the ones Munch had left over from that time he got shot in the backside.'

'Oh yes, and those.'

'The drugs which mean you can't walk in a straight line without falling on your face.'

'Yes!' Olivia smiled widely. 'I love Munch. Don't you love Munch?'

_No._ Elliot sighed again. _Oh well, it could be worse. _On the way through Central Park, she had burst into tears and told a passing homeless guy that she loved him. _Just humour her._ 'Yes, Liv, I do. I do love Munch.'

She chewed her lip contemplatively. 'Maybe I should have slept with him after all...'

Elliot nearly dropped her in shock. 'What?' _That has to have been the wrong word, maybe she meant... uh... slipped... or, uh, swept..._

'Because I thought about it.'

_Or maybe she meant stepped..._

'Because, if you think about it, he got five women to marry him when he has no money, so he has to have something, right?'

Elliot had begun to feel a little queasy. '...I suppose...' _Please stop talking, please stop talking NOW..._

'And he's REALLY tall, so if you think about proportions-'

Elliot's eyes widened in horror. _OH DEAR GOD NO_ 'That's, uh, an interesting thought, Liv...' _Should I be sick now, or when she's done?_

'Yup.' She paused, pursing her lips thoughtfully. 'Have you ever thought about sleeping with him, El?'

_Oh good, it got worse._ 'No, Liv, I'm afraid I haven't.'

'Why not?' She rolled her eyes and sighed. 'Are you a homophobe, El?'

_No, I'm a Munchophobe._ 'No, Liv, I can't say that I am.'

'Then why don't you want to sleep with Munch? I'm sure he can be very seductive.'

Elliot was suddenly struck by the mental image of Munch standing in a pair of faded Y-fronts and posing against his desk. _Ew._ He suppressed a heave. 'I don't know, Liv, I guess he's just not my type.'

She turned her head and glared at him. 'Elliot, do you hate the Jews?'

_What the... just... what?_ 'What? No!' _Why is this happening to me? _

She pouted impatiently. 'Then why don't you want to sleep with Munch?'

'Because... because...' Elliot desperately tried to think of a good reason. _This should not be so difficult. _ 'Because...' He was suddenly struck by inspiration. 'Because I've known him too long. We're in the Friend Zone now.'

'Oh.' Olivia frowned thoughtfully, and then nodded. 'Yes, that makes sense.'

_Thank God. Oh, thank God._ Elliot breathed a sigh of relief. _Oh well, at least I can add 'thinking of reasons not to have to sleep with Munch' to my list of 'interesting life experiences I never thought I'd have'..._

Olivia's eyes suddenly widened in panic. 'Wait!' She craned forward to look at his face. 'You'd still do me, right?'

His jaw dropped. _Jesus Christ._ 'You know, maybe I ought to take you back to the hospital...' _You've clearly gone insane._

'GOD, Elliot, you're so DULL sometimes. Look, I'm fine, I can walk and everything!' She leapt off his back and managed to walk in a vaguely straight line up to the front of her apartment building. 'See? I don't really even need you at all!' She stopped and looked at the front steps. 'Hmmm.'

'Still haven't got the hang of those sneaky 'stairs' things then, I see.' He tried to pick her up again and she swatted him away impatiently. _Fantastic._ 'Come on, Liv...'

'No!' Olivia shook her head stubbornly. 'I can DO it!' She took one careful step up, and then another. 'See?' She turned around and smiled gloatingly at Elliot. 'I can do it!'

'Uh huh, I can see, Liv, very nice.'

'YOU,' she said disapprovingly, 'are NOT being very supportive.' She tried to turn back up the stairs, lost her balance and sat down hard on the floor. 'You bastard, you did that on purpose.'

Elliot burst out laughing. 'Did what?'

'You and the stairs, you're working together against me.' She pouted. 'The stairs hate me.'

'OK, Liv, I know, the stairs hate you.' Elliot wished that this was the first time they'd had this conversation. 'Look, come on.' He picked her up, slung her over his left shoulder and carried on up the steps and through the front door of her apartment building.

'Elliot...' whined Olivia, 'I was doing it...'

'I know. I know you were.' He stopped and pressed the elevator call button. 'I just thought this would be more fun. Isn't it more fun?'

She thought about it. 'Yes, actually.' _He has his hand on my ass._ She smirked to herself, shifted a little and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder. 'You know what we should do, Elliot, we should go out to that bar I told you about.' _And then maybe you can grope me there too..._

He paused. 'No.'

'Come on, it'd be fun!' _OhmyGoditwouldbeSOMUCHFUN! _ 'You can carry me there and everything!'

_Is she TRYING to kill me?_ 'Liv, I think the 34 blocks from the hospital to here was enough, don't you?'

Olivia rolled her eyes. 'Cabs are expressive, Elliot.' _She couldn't believe she had to go over this again. She'd already explained it enough times on the walk here. What's the point in paying for a cab when the weather's OK and you're not in a hurry?_

'Yes... yes, they are.' Elliot sighed. 'Look, Liv, elevator's here.'

'Elliot, I want to take the stairs.'

'No.' He carried her into the elevator.

'I like the stairs.'

'I thought the stairs hated you.'

'No, only the other stairs. Why would these stairs hate me? It's not like they know each other.'

Elliot was mildly worried. _When drugged Olivia logic began to make an odd kind of sense, maybe it was time to get some more sleep. _'That's a good point, Liv.'

'I know. I know it is. Elliot, do you have my key?'

'Of course I do, why?'

'Because I want it.'

He sighed. _Of course you do. _'OK, can I open the door first?'

'No.'

Elliot's heart sank. 'No?'

'No.' They had reached her apartment. 'Give me my key.' She stuck her hand out expectantly.

'Olivia... are you sure you wouldn't rather I open the door first?' He was trying to think of the most tactful way to suggest that perhaps when you can see five of everything, unlocking a door might not be as easy as you'd think.

Olivia pouted. 'No.'

Elliot sighed to himself. 'Of course not.' _That would be far too easy._ He reluctantly set her down on the floor and pulled out the key. 'Now, before I give you this, are you absolutely, completely sure you don't want me to do it?'

'No, because if I have my key,' slurred Olivia, snatching it from him and beginning to make vague stabbing motions at the lock, 'then I get to invite you in, and that's so much better than saying 'oh, well, while you're here, we might as well...'

Elliot frowned. 'Uh, Olivia...'

'HA I DID IT!' She pushed on the door hard. 'It won't open. Is this my house?'

He sighed again. _Holy sweet mother of..._ 'Yes, Olivia, you have to turn the key, remember?'

'Oh yes. I knew that.' She began trying to turn the key. 'Damn it...' She started wrenching at it with both hands. 'It's really awkward...'

She was turning it the wrong way. 'OK, Liv, let me-' Elliot leaned in and tried to help her.

'NO!' She batted him away again, swore loudly and then turned to face him, leaned against the door and smiled coquettishly. _Or at least, he was fairly sure that that was the look she was going for._ 'So... want to come in?'

_Please tell me that she's not trying to proposition me..._ 'Well yes, that was the plan, I'm not leaving you on your own like this.'

'NO, Elliot, do you WANT to come IN?' She raised her eyebrows at him. 'I would say would you like to come in for a drink but that probably wouldn't be a great idea right now...'

_Uh oh_. 'Uh, Olivia, maybe right now isn't the best-' _Oh God, what if she's got Munch in there?_

'Oh PLEASE, Elliot, you are SUCH a GIRL.' She rolled her eyes and started trying to turn the key again. If it had been difficult before, it was almost impossible now that she was trying to look seductive rather than watching what she was doing. She reached up and ran her finger unsteadily down the side of his face. 'Come on, El, don't make me say it...'

He smiled. 'OK.' He leaned in and kissed her forehead, and then reached up and turned the key in the lock.

The door swung open under Olivia's weight and she staggered backwards, lost her balance, and sat down hard in the middle of the floor. She looked up at him and pouted again. 'Elliot...'

'I know, Liv.' He closed the door behind him and walked over to her.

Her lower lip was trembling. 'Elliot, I fell...'

Elliot sighed. 'I know.' He bent down. 'Come on.'

Olivia stuck her arms out and he scooped her up and carried her down the hallway towards her bedroom, feeling her hook her right arm around the back of his neck as she tried to kiss him on the cheek. She failed and got his ear. 'Come on, El, take me to bed.'

'I am.' Elliot stopped by her bedroom door and somehow managed to open it without dropping her.

He felt her smile against the side of his face. 'I knew you would, El, do you have any idea how long I've wintered you-'

He cut her off. 'But I'm not going to join you.'

She pulled back and smiled at him, leaned in again and kissed him. 'Come on, Elliot, I know you want me.' He sighed and set her down on the edge of her bed, knelt down and unlaced her shoes. 'El...'

He stood up again and smiled patiently. 'OK, Liv, arms up.'

She held them up, raising an eyebrow at him. 'Well, El, you don't have to take all the romance out of the occasion...'

'Uh huh.' Elliot took the hem of her shirt and pulled it off over her head, wincing at the sight of the network of scars criss-crossing her chest and abdomen. _I still cannot believe that she survived that. _ He suppressed a shudder, leaned down and unsnapped the top button of her jeans.

'Oh yes, Elliot, take off my clothes, take off ALL my clothes...'

She lay down and allowed him to pull off her jeans, and then snatched them and threw them past him and across the room. Behind him, Elliot heard something break. He sighed. 'Olivia, if you can stretch your arms out and then touch the tip of your nose with your finger, I will happily let you do whatever you want with me.'

She smiled and sat up. 'Well then...' She stretched her arms out eagerly, and then promptly missed her nose and poked herself hard in the eye. 'Ouch.' She looked up at him hopefully and raised her eyebrows. 'Best of three?'

Elliot stifled a laugh. 'Go to sleep, Liv.'

She grumbled but finally crawled under the covers. 'Fine, I'll just have my way with you in the morning, then.' _You chivalrous asshat._

He smiled at her and stroked her hair. 'Goodnight, Liv.' He bent down and kissed her forehead. 'I'll be sitting right over here if you need anything, OK?' He pointed at the chair across the room.

She glared. 'What I need is for you to radish me.'

'Except for that.' Elliot walked out to the kitchen to pour her a glass of water, and when he got back she was already fast asleep, sprawled on her back with her mouth wide open. He laughed, put the water down on her bedside table and kissed her again, brushing her hair back off her face, and she grumbled in her sleep and rolled over onto her side. Elliot sighed, picked a book at random off her bookcase, and settled down into the chair.

_**A/N: Did you like it? Send me a review to let me know and I'll see when I can get started on the next chapter!**_


	25. Chapter 25

_**A/N: Sorry that it took so long, but here's the next chapter of Paranoia! It's a bit of a change of tone from the last one, but I hope you all still like it, and please send me a review to let me know!**_

_**Thank you for all your lovely reviews, and I really appreciate your support when I'm trying to write - the writer's block is still coming and going sporadically, so it's good to have some feedback to help push myself through it and convince myself that it's worth carrying on with it.**_

_** Also, everyone who has reviewed 'Grievance', thank you for your support, and as of yesterday I was frantically plotting out the entire thing chapter by chapter so I can really get started on it! (Also, if you were enjoying the graphic smutfest that is 'Nollaig Shona Daoibh', I'm going to write that new chapter for you =) so that should make you very happy indeed.)**_

_**Anyway... **_

_**ladybugsmomma, I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you like this one just as much.**_

_**Jennifer, Liv's going to get better over time, because it's still really early days for a major neurological injury like she had - plus she was pretty seriously doped up in the last chapter... which can make even the best of us a bit dappy...**_

_**courtneylovejason, no, she probably shouldn't be home, but you know Liv... she wants to do something, she's damn well going to do it, and if she has to she'll rope Elliot into helping her out...**_

_**inspirationimagination, I'm really happy it made you laugh - I have kind of a weird sense of humour so someone else 'getting' it is always a good thing! I also adore Munch, he's one of my favourites... I've probably mentioned this before several dozen times, but it is nonetheless true. The whole take on E/O I do... the way I think of it is, they've known each other so long and they already have such a deep bond, that it probably wouldn't be like 'first days of a relationship, let's do it everywhere in every possible way', but more of a considered thing.**_ **_ I think that when it comes down to it, Elliot wouldn't want to rush something like that when he's already been waiting so long for it, especially since he can tell that she's clearly doped out of her mind..._**

**_balseirocharmed, I too love Munch =) and patience is a virtue, they will be 'intimate' in the next chapter... so you have that to look forward to!_**

_**lexiaalia93, I'm happy you thought it was funny and cute =) and like I just said to balseirocharmed, the 'radishing' is coming soon...**_

**_Kristy6, don't worry, a lot of how she was acting in the last chapter was because of the drugs, and she is getting better all the time. She'll never be completely back to how she was, because an injury like she suffers does cause irreversible brain damage, but you'd be amazed how good the brain can be at working around stuff like that - I have a brain injury in my left temporal lobe, as in, a huge scarred patch right in the middle of it, but you'd never know looking at or talking to me except for the fact I still have seizures sometimes. So, for someone as determined as Liv is, I'm sure she'll find ways to work around it... plus, she's lucky enough to have Elliot to take care of her and help her relearn everything. Also... I'm glad you like my humour. Like I said to inspirationimagination, I do have a really odd sense of humour... so I'm happy you enjoy it!_**

**_gemfinder360, yes, Gerard is indeed a jackass... but he will get his comeuppance, believe me. And I'm sorry the update took so long... I hope it was worth the wait._**

**_lou3174, I'm sorry I made you wait so long for the new chapter but here it is. It's a different tone from the last one but I hope you still enjoy it._**

**_So... marathon note over, here is the new chapter for you all. I hope you all enjoy it, and please send me a review to let me know! _**

After a few hours, Elliot had gotten quite interested in the book. He'd never really given much thought to - he checked the cover again - 'How To Further Your Relationships With Others By Furthering Your Relationship With Yourself,' but he'd already resolved to spend more time thinking about what he actually wanted, rather than what he thought he should want.

_Next time I'm at the grocery store, I'm definitely buying some of those giant pretzels instead of the nasty rice pop things. And beer. Lots of beer. _Elliot smiled smugly to himself. He would have achieved personal and spiritual growth in no time.

And according to the book, that was a Good Thing.

_Although..._ Elliot looked back down at the page and frowned. _There was still all that stuff about having to take lavender baths and keep hope journals..._

_Well, maybe you could skip that part and just buy extra beer instead to make up for it._ He nodded to himself. _Good plan, Elliot._

Suddenly he heard a sniff. _Was that Liv?_ He put the book down, held his breath and leaned forward, listening carefully. 'Liv?'

The sniffs abruptly stopped and she lay completely still.

Elliot rolled his eyes. _Typical. _He got up and sat on the edge of the bed behind her. 'Liv?' He put his hand on her shoulder, his heart sinking as he felt her tense up for a second. _Oh, Liv..._ 'Come on, Liv, it's me.'

There was a minute of silence, and then he heard a quiet and extremely unconvincing snore.

He stifled a laugh._ She never was very good at the whole 'acting' thing..._ 'Liv...' He shifted across and lay down on his side behind her, wrapping his arm around her middle. 'Liv, it's OK...' He felt her shoulders started to shake again, and he sighed and began to stroke her hair soothingly. 'Come on, Liv, sssshhhhhh, it's OK...'

_I'm fine, go away, can't you seal I'm asleep? _Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and held her breath. _Go away go away go away..._

'Liv...' She felt him kiss her cheek. 'Liv, I know you're awake.'

_Fuck_.

'Liv... do you want to talk?'

She shook her head. _Leave me alone..._

'Do you want to talk and me to listen?'

She shook her head again and wiped her eyes with the back of her wrist. _Please, please just leave me alone... _

She felt Elliot shift slightly, and then he was pressing a handkerchief into her hand and kissing her cheek. _Oh God..._ She scrunched it up in her fist and bit her lip, trying not to cry. _Why is he so lovely to me?_

'OK, Liv.' He sighed, stroked the side of her face and sat up. 'Do you want me to just leave you alone?'

_Ye-_ She hesitated, and then shook her head again, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back down beside her. _No, please don't go..._

'OK.' He lay down and wrapped his arm around her again, taking her hand in his, and then she felt him kiss the back of her neck. 'I'm just going to stay here, OK?'

Olivia nodded and wriggled backwards, feeling him hug her body tightly against his chest as he tucked his chin over her shoulder, and she smiled to herself, pulling his arm tighter around her middle as he interlocked his fingers with hers. _I'm so gland that he's here._ She closed her eyes, feeling his breath on the side of her face as he kissed her cheek and began to stroke her hair again, whispering soothingly into her ear as he squeezed her hand tightly in his.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Around two hours later, Elliot was on the verge of falling asleep when he heard her clear her throat. _Uh oh._ 'You OK, Liv?'

'No, I...' Olivia swallowed awkwardly. _Oh God..._ 'El?'

He squeezed her hand. 'Yes, Liv?'

'What... what if I hadn't beans there? What if I'd let you go on your owed?' She suddenly burst into heavy, racking sobs. 'I'm so sorry, Elliot, I'm so sorry...'

'Ssssh, come on, Liv, it's OK.' She felt him hug her tighter. 'We've talked about this. It wasn't your fault.'

She cried harder. 'But Elliot, I...'

'Look, Olivia,' Elliot said firmly. 'Stop it.'

She swallowed and took a deep breath. 'El, I...' She took another deep breath and then immediately broke down sobbing again. 'Oh, Gold, El, I...'

Elliot sighed. 'Olivia, we don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been there. I might have been fine, I might not. There's no point worrying about it now, OK? What you did, Liv, was amazing, and... I honestly can't imagine anyone else who would have done that for me.'

She choked back another sob. 'I would do anything for you.'

'I know.' He turned his head and kissed her on the side of her neck. 'And apart from my children, I honestly can't think of anyone I would have done that for except you.' He hugged her tighter. 'And I would have, Liv, I would.' He stroked her hair. 'I really would.'

She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the handkerchief. 'I know.'

She felt him smile. 'I'm glad.'

Outside the sun was beginning to come up, and she could already hear people in the apartments around hers beginning to get up and move around as they got ready for work. She sighed. _I miss word..._

Elliot kissed her cheek. 'You'll be back to work before you know it, Liv, and it'll be like you never even left.' He stroked the side of her face with his thumb. 'I promise.'

She smiled to herself and squeezed his hand. _He always seemed to know what she was thinking, and to be honest it was more often a curse than a blessing._ 'If you say so, El...' _Although we both know that you're lying out of your ass._

'I do say so.' _I'm going to make sure of it. _Elliot smiled to himself. 'And however long it takes you, I'll be here, OK? When you go back, we'll go back together.' He laughed and kissed her cheek. 'For one thing, I really don't want to have to mess around having to break in a new partner anyway, waiting for you to swan back in from your life of leisure, lying around in bed all day, watching soaps and eating pudding...'

She laughed and elbowed him gently in the ribs. 'Asshole.'

She felt him smile again. 'That's my girl.' He squeezed her hand and kissed the side of her neck again, and then he cleared his throat. 'Olivia... in the ambulance, and then in the hospital, sitting outside the OR and next to your bed, waiting to see if you'd wake up, and even if you did wake up, whether you'd still be you...' He coughed uncomfortably. 'It... it was one of the worst times of my entire life.'

Olivia just lay there, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb, listening. He'd never told her any of this before, and she knew it was a big deal for him to admit it.

He swallowed awkwardly. 'I didn't sleep for almost three days, because I was afraid that if I did, the next time I was awake would be when a nurse woke me up to tell me you'd died.' She heard his voice catch in his throat. 'And the worst thing...' He paused, and then the rest poured out in a mad rush. 'The worst thing would have been knowing that you'd had to do it without me there with you.' He broke off and sniffed, his fingernails digging into her hand. 'And... and...'

She bit her lip. 'El-'

He cut her off. 'And I hate that you would ever feel bad about any of it, so please, Liv, don't work yourself up into thinking that there was something you should have done but didn't do, because everything you did, Liv, was far, far more than I could ever hope to expect from anyone, and...' He squeezed her hand. 'And I will spend the rest of my life trying to thank you for it.'

'I don't deserve you, Elliot,' said Olivia quietly.

'NO. No, do not EVER think that you don't deserve me, Olivia, because I... it's not that I can't imagine life without you. I can. I did. And it wasn't just imagining it, Liv, it was knowing that, without some kind of semi-miracle, that was how life was actually going to be, and... and it was worse than anything else I could ever have imagined...' She heard his voice catch again, and then he swallowed awkwardly. 'I... I couldn't live without you, Olivia, and I can't stand the idea of you somehow thinking that I'd be better off that way.' He kissed the side of her neck again, holding his face against the base of her jaw for a second, and squeezed her hand. 'OK?'

She nodded, feeling a dampness beginning to soak through her hair. _Oh, El..._

'Good.' Olivia felt him tighten his arms around her and tuck his chin back over her shoulder. 'I'm glad.'

She bit her lip, listening to the sound of his breathing and stroking her hand with her thumb. 'Uh... El?' _Deep breasts, Olivia, you can do this._

He started to stroke her hair again. 'Yes, Liv?' _Can we not talk about the whole me crying thing?_

_Say it._ She took a deep breath. 'I, uh... I clan touch might nose wish my finger noun.'

_**A/N: What do you think? Are you looking forward to the next chapter? Send me a review and let me know!**_


	26. Chapter 26

_**A/N: I apologise that I can't do my usual long note today, but I have a job interview tomorrow that I am scared shitless about and that I should really be preparing for right now... To be honest, I probably should have just put off finishing this for a while, but... it was nearly done, and I thought you'd all like it, and I figured it'd be a bit of a confidence boost. It's kind of part one of two, and I should have the second part ready for you relatively soon. In the meantime, I hope you all like this one... I actually had to raise the rating of the story to an M for it... **_

_**Anyway, please let me know what you think by sending me a review, and I'll get back to finishing part two for you as soon as I'm done memorising stuff about the Titanic for my interview!**_

_**EXTRA NOTE: Because is cracking down on - ahem - smut, I have been forced to edit this chapter pretty massively. I'm going to try and rewrite the ones I'm going to be editing, but in the meantime there'll be a big gap.  
><strong>_

_**Also, if you want to read the original unedited version, send me a quick review saying so and I will get on it for you!  
><strong>_

Elliot blinked. _Did she just say what I think she said? 'Uh... what was that, Liv?'_

'I said...' Olivia took a deep breath and decided to just go for it. 'I...' She swallowed nervously. 'I can touch my nose with my finger now.'

_Wow, that sounded really stupid, even for you._

_Shut up, he knows what I meant._

Olivia held her breath and waited, chewing on her lip.

_Oh God, now he's gone all quiet..._

She felt an unpleasant twinge of panic.

_Quick, say something else. _

She cleared her throat awkwardly. 'You know. If, uh, yule can.'

_If you can? If you can? What in the name of fuck did you think you meant by that? _

_Shit. She mentally kicked herself. 'I mean-'_

She heard him laugh softly to himself as he turned his head to kiss her neck, his fingers brushing across her bare skin as he slowly moved his hand up her body, and then he was stroking the side of her face, sliding his fingertips down to her jaw and gently turning her face towards his. She looked up at him, biting her lip, and he smiled, leaned down and kissed her.

_How is this the first time I've kissed her like this in over eight weeks? There must have been a reason, a good reason, but... _now her hand was on the back of his neck, her thumb stroking the side of his face as her tongue brushed the inner edges of his lips, and he couldn't imagine ever doing anything else, ever WANTING to do anything else...__

'What?' She was on her back now, tracing her fingertips across the base of his jaw and smiling up at him, resting her cheek against the palm of his hand as he cradled the side of her face.

'Nothing.' He smiled and started to stroke her cheek with his thumb. 'Liv, I-' _Damn it. 'Uh, Olivia, I-' _For God's sake, Elliot man up. 'I...'__

_Come on, you said it enough times when you thought she was about to die!_

_That was different, she couldn't hear me..._

_Why does that matter?_

_It just does..._

_Well, you still mean it, don't you?_

He smiled again. _Yes. Yes, I do. He looked down at her face, brushing his thumb along her cheekbone. _'Olivia, I love you._'_

Olivia smiled, rolling onto her side and wrapping her arms around his back. 'Well, it's about damn time...' She pulled him in and kissed him, harder this time, and then he felt her tighten her arms around his back and press her body tightly against his, the bedcovers becoming increasingly tangled around her legs as she parted her knees. 'Oh, El...' She slid her hands down his back to his waist as he pulled off his shirt, and then she was pressing her hips firmly against his as he wrapped his arm around her waist, hugging her tightly. 'Oh, Elliot...'

Elliot smiled, moving his hand slowly down her body until his fingers found the large, misshapen dent in her right side left by the metal spar, and then he was running his fingertips lightly across it, feeling the small ridges and bumps of the scar tissue as he bent down to kiss it, enjoying the taste of her bare skin against his mouth. _Months of surgery, months of skin grafts, months of changing those awful dressings... He looked up at her and smiled. _But she's her again... He reached up to touch the side of her face and she turned her head to kiss the palm of his hand, lightly running her fingers across his back and smiling as he kissed her softly on the mouth, winding strands of her hair around his fingers. _She's her...___

He was still kissing her as he slid his hands down to her waist, feeling her tongue darting in and out of his mouth, and then he was rolling her carefully onto her back and smiling to himself as he eased the bedcovers down to her waist and started to kiss her chest, tracing his finger over the long scar running almost from her collarbone to her belly button. He brushed his fingertips over the puckered skin, remembering how the surgeons had opened her up to massage her heart the fourth time it had stopped, and how for a few awful minutes it had really looked like she wouldn't come back that time.

Elliot felt a cold chill as he pressed his lips against her chest, feeling it rise and fall as she breathed and savouring the warmth of her skin, still horribly aware that she would have died that night if one of the OR nurses hadn't miraculously been a girl Olivia and Elliot had helped years before.

The girl (well, woman - Nurse Landricks definitely wasn't fourteen any more) had recognised Olivia's name and immediately marched straight into the OR, loudly demanding to be allowed to help, and when the surgeons had been ready to finally give up and call it Jackie had begged them to try just a few more times, telling them everything that Olivia had done for her until they finally gave in. Five minutes later, when Olivia's heart had stopped again, she had ended up bullying the surgeons into breaking hospital policy to perform the craniectomy that had both saved Olivia's life and earned them all written warnings. She had told Elliot about it hours afterwards when she came to Olivia's room to see her, and Elliot had actually thrown his arms around this almost-stranger he hadn't seen in over nine years and hugged her until they were both extremely uncomfortable.

He smiled, running his fingers over the scar as he bent down to kiss it, his fingers moving across her abdomen and tracing along the various ridges and lines of her skin, and then he was slowly pulling the bedcovers down to her hips, folding them over carefully as he kissed her bare stomach. He felt her stroking the back of his neck and looked up at her face to see her smiling down at him, her hair fanned out across the pillow and her cheeks flushed, and he smiled back and kissed her stomach again, stroking the sides of her waist with his thumbs and breathing in the musky smell of her skin. 'Oh, Liv...'

* * *

><p>cut<p>

* * *

><p>Now he was on top of her again, cradling her face in his hands as he kissed her. 'Oh, Liv, Liv...' He rested his forehead against hers, feeling her lips start to brush gently against his as he stroked the sides of her face with his thumbs. 'Liv...'<p>

'Mmmmmm, El...' She smiled and tilted her chin up to kiss him, pressing her lips firmly against his and slipping her tongue into his mouth. 'Oh, El, that was so...'

'I know...' He smiled, kissing her deeply, and then he sighed and reluctantly pulled away a little, looking carefully into her eyes. 'Are you OK, Liv?'

_The fuck? Olivia blinked incredulously. 'What?'_

'Well, before we do anything else, I mean, I'd understand if your leg was sore, or if you were tired...' He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. 'Do you maybe want to have a rest for a while?'

'Hell gnome!' Olivia rolled her eyes and Elliot felt his stomach turn over as she grabbed his shoulders, pulling him back on top of her and pressing her body tightly against his. 'Don't thing you can get away that easy.' She laughed softly to herself, running her fingertips over his back as she breathed into his ear, starting to kiss the side of his face. 'I've barely even golden started with you yet...'

_**A/N: Edit aside, did you still like it? Please send me a review and let me know!**  
><em>


	27. Chapter 27

_**A/N: I finished the chapter! And as Hailey and Ashley know, it's been a little ass the whole time, but... it's done! And as it's part 2 of the last one, there isn't a buildup - it just launches straight into it. Which I hope you'll all like =) Give it a read and please send me a review to let me know what you think - I'm up to 191 reviews now (which is, fact of the day, the most unlucky flight number in history) and I'd really like to get to 200 on this chapter... no pressure, self, no pressure =) **_

_**SteffieDawn, it is my policy in life to always find the humour in everything, so I'm happy I made you laugh =) **_

_**Hailey... you know what a little bitch this chapter has been. You've put up with me cursing about it for days. I hope this makes up for it. **_

_**inspirationimagination, as ever, you are lovely. I think a lot of people liked Liv and her 'hell gnomes' (although they sound absolutely terrifying...) and... I too want to scream that at the TV screen. One day, world, one day. And I'm glad you like that she found a bit of confidence... you'll notice later on in the story that the only person she doesn't have many word problems with is him... =) Which is exactly what I could see actually happening. **_

_**Amber77, you gotta love verbal aphasia... although to be fair she's not really drugged there, just nervous, which'll set it right off... Elliot knows exactly what she means though, he's like her interpreter. **_

_**gemfinder360, I'm happy you liked that. My friend Lissa read it and screamed over Skype in frustrated rage. And I hope you like this chapter just as much =) **_

_**courtneylovejason, I'm sorry for the wait but here's the new chapter for you (in case you hadn't noticed - smart, self, smart.) I hope you think it's worth the wait. **_

_**ladybugsmomma, yes, it is. It is about damn time. Now they just have to manage it in canon and I'll be set for life. **_

_**And Sidle13, it's your lucky day... when I got your review, I was just finishing up, so you didn't have to wait long at all! **_

_**Anyway, usual marathon note over (and sorry about the absence of one last chapter, but like I said, job interviews are a cow) here is the second part of the chapter, and I hope all of you like it just as much as the first one (and that it's worth the wait...) Please send me a review and let me know what you think, and in the meantime I'll start working on where the story's going next.**_

_**EXTRA NOTE: Because is cracking down on - ahem - smut, I have been forced to edit this chapter pretty massively. I'm going to try and rewrite the ones I'm going to be editing, but in the meantime there'll be a big gap.  
><strong>_

_**Also, if you want to read the original unedited version, send me a quick review saying so and I will get on it for you!  
><strong>_

'Oh, Liv...' Elliot began to kiss her neck as he felt her slip one hand down and undo the button on his jeans, sliding them down to his ankles with her foot. He kicked them off and pushed his hand up under the white cotton band of her bra to cup her breast in his hand, stroking it with his thumb, and then he was kissing her on the mouth and reaching around her back, pressing her upper body against his as he began to try and unhook the clasp. 'Oh, Olivia, I-'

_Dammit_. Elliot hated bras. He could be given a magnifying glass, an instruction manual and ten days to do it and he'd still have problems. Somehow, all the times he'd imagined this, all the times he'd dreamed about this moment, he'd never thought about the dreaded bra.

He swore quietly to himself and pulled his other hand out from underneath her left bra cup, fiddling awkwardly with the tiny hooks and fighting the urge to just rip the damned thing off and be done with it. _Fucking stupid useless bra... _He heard Olivia stifle a laugh and she reached behind her back and unhooked it herself with one hand, allowing him to finally slide the straps off her shoulders and drop the offending bra onto the floor.

Elliot shot it a dirty look. _Evil underwired son of a bitch..._

'El?' Olivia was smiling up at him and stroking the side of his face. 'You OK?'

'Uh, yeah, thanks, Liv, the clasp was just a little bit stiff...' Elliot was trying and failing not to show his embarrassment. _Can bra clasps even be stiff? _He didn't know. 'I could have managed it myself, though...' _Liar._

'That's OK.' She smiled, starting to kiss him again as wrapped his arm around her shoulders, carefully supporting the back of her head in the crook of his elbow as he stroked the top of her arm with his thumb. 'You just looked lick maybe you could use a little help...'

He laughed and stroked the side of her face, 'Well, maybe a little...'

Olivia raised her eyebrows at him. 'Maybe a little?' She smiled, pulled him in and kissed him, her tongue moving inside his mouth as she wrapped her arm around his back, pressing her body tightly against his. 'OK, El, if you say so...'

'I do.' He smiled, kissing her and holding his forehead firmly against hers, their lips brushing together. 'Oh, Liv...'

'El...' She was smiling up at him, her thumb stroking the back of his neck as her breathing started to quicken. 'Mmmm, El, that's so good...' He felt her start to lift her hips as she pulled him in to kiss her again, flicking her tongue across his lips.

* * *

><p>cut<p>

* * *

><p>Now he was lying on top of her and gasping for breath, stroking the side of her face and smiling down at her. 'Oh, Liv, that was... that was just...'<p>

'It was.' She smiled and traced her thumb down the side of his face. 'I love you, El.'

He smiled back and kissed her, brushing her sweaty fringe back off her face. 'I love you too.'

Olivia ran her hand up his spine to the back of his neck and kissed him, smiling as she felt him began to run his fingers across her bare skin. 'Mmmm, El...' She kissed him harder, loving that she could still feel his weight pushing her down into the mattress as he wrapped his body tightly around hers. 'El...'

He laughed softly to himself and brushed her hair back off her face, looking into her eyes and watching her smile as her lips brushed against his, mentally kicking himself. _Why the hell did I wait so long for this? Over twelve years and I've only now had the balls to do something? Why does it take you so long to do anything important, Elliot? It's like that parking ticket, you didn't pay the first fine and then you had to pay double, and then there was the time you were late filing your taxes-_

'Oh, El...' Olivia smiled and kissed him softly on the mouth, her thumb stroking his cheek. 'What are you thinking about?'

_Shit. _'Uh...' _Elliot, this is a key moment. Quick. Say something beautiful and meaningful, something you'll both remember for the rest of your lives..._ 'Olivia, I'm so glad that you're, you know, not dead.' _Well, that was just great. Congratulations._

Olivia stifled a laugh. 'So am I, El...' She smiled and kissed him, slipping her tongue into his mouth as she stroked that back of his neck. 'And I love it when you try to be all smooth and romantic...'

Elliot looked offended. 'I can be romantic.'

'No, you can't.' She laughed and kissed him again, 'And I love you for it.'

He smiled. 'I love you too.' He leaned in and kissed her, stroking the side of her face as he hugged her tighter, and-

_JESUS FUCKING CHRIST-_ Olivia barely held back a scream as he caught her right leg with his knee. _Shit. Oh shit-_

Elliot pulled back a little and looked at her, his face full of concern. 'Is your leg OK, Liv?'

Olivia sighed to herself. _Oh great, now he's noticed. Well done._ 'No, I-' She hesitated as she felt another stabbing twinge of pain. _Oh, who are you kidding..._ 'Well, OK, maybe it's a tiny bit uncomfortable, but-'

'Oh, Liv...' Elliot sighed and stroked the side of her face. 'Why didn't you tell me earlier?'

Olivia stared. _Why the hell do you think? _ 'Because I wanted to have sex, and I knew you'd be a complete tool about it.'

_Of course. _Elliot sighed_. I knew polite, appropriate Liv wouldn't last._ 'Oh, Liv...' He leaned in and kissed her forehead, reluctantly sitting up and reaching across to the nightstand for her medications and the glass of water. 'It's the blue ones in the mornings, isn't it?'

_Nice one, Olivia. That could have been a really beautiful moment, and you've just killed it stone cold dead._ Olivia nodded, wincing as she tried to awkwardly pull herself upright. 'Ow...' _OK, maybe you should have said something sooner..._

'it's OK, Liv, come on.' Elliot wrapped his arm around her shoulders and carefully helped her to sit up. _You selfish asshole. I can't believe you didn't notice that she was in pain._ 'Come on, take a couple of these for me and it'll stop hurting, OK?'

He was offering her the water and she smiled and took it from him, swallowing the tablets in a single gulp. 'Thanks, El.' She smiled and handed back the glass, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

He smiled at her and stroked the side of her face, putting his arm around her as he lay down beside her again. 'That's OK, Liv.' He leaned in and kissed her forehead, pulling the bedcovers up and tucking them closely around her body, smiling as she cuddled up to him and laid her head on his shoulder.

She smiled, pressing her lips gently against his shoulder. 'I love you, El.'

Elliot smiled back and kissed her forehead again. 'I love you too.' He started to stroke her hair, frowning thoughtfully. 'I don't know, Liv... maybe I should take you back to the hospital later...'

_Fuck that. _ Olivia gave him a dirty look. 'Don't make me beat you with my cane, El, because I'll do it.'

Elliot burst out laughing and hugged her tighter. 'OK, Liv, I won't.'

'Damn straight you won't.' Olivia smiled and kissed his shoulder, draping her arm across his chest and taking his hand in hers. 'Because you know that I'll do it.'

Elliot sighed. Unfortunately, he did. 'That's my Liv.' He smiled, bent down and kissed her forehead. 'But you have to promise to tell me next time you need something, OK?' _Even if I know that you won't._

'OK, El.' She tilted her face up towards him and he smiled, leaned in and kissed her, stroking her bare back with his thumb and squeezing her hand tightly in his. 'I promise.' _It still counts if you secretly cross your fingers, right?_

'Good girl.' Elliot hugged her tighter as she snuggled in closer to him and laid her head on his chest, turning her head slightly to kiss it as he brushed her hair carefully back off her face. 'Love you, Liv.' He started to stroke her hair and she closed her eyes and smiled to herself, feeling him kiss the top of her head and pull the covers tighter around her shoulders. 'So, so much.'

'Mmmm... love you too...' Olivia yawned and squeezed his hand, her eyes still closed. 'Thank you, El...'

'What for?' Elliot turned his head to look at her face and realised that she was already asleep. _Jesus, those drugs must be strong..._ He sighed, kissed her forehead and tightened his arm around her back, stroking her bare shoulder with his thumb as he watched her sleep. _Or maybe you just really tired her out... _He smiled to himself and stroked the palm of her hand, watching her chest rise and fall as she breathed and feeling her heart beating steadily against his side. One of the things he'd realised during the months he'd spent with her at the hospital was how much he loved to just sit and watch her sleep.

_Creeper. _

He shrugged. He didn't care. She was so beautiful when she slept, her hair mussed up against the pillow as she lay on her side, curled up beneath the blankets. _Not to mention cute._ He smiled to himself. Once or twice he'd actually seen her thumb creeping towards her mouth, although she'd always stopped when it was still at least a couple of inches from her lips.

For the first few weeks after the bomb, when she'd been heavily sedated most of the time and all she'd really done was sleep, he'd just sit beside her, stroking her hair and holding her hand, laughing at the odd faces she pulled and waiting for those odd moments when she seemed to realise that he was there and squeezed his hand...

He sighed. Sadly though, however much he'd love to keep watching her, another thing he'd learned was that when she slept, he should sleep, because God knows what she'd be doing in a few hours. He sighed again, kissed her forehead and settled back against the pillows, closing his eyes and listening to the sound of her breathing softly as she lay beside him.

He smiled to himself. _This must be the best, most wonderful feeling in the world._

_**A/N: Edit aside, did you still like it? Please send me a review and let me know!**  
><em>


	28. Chapter 28

_**A/N: I have a brand new chapter for you, much earlier than planned, and you can all thank Hailey Quinn for that because I asked which one she wanted me to upload next and she chose Paranoia! Thank you all for your huge response to my last two chapters, I really, really appreciated it, and however blocked I kept getting on this one I could keep going back to look at my reviews and it gave me a bit of a boost. It's still taken me a good week to try and write this, but... it could have taken a lot longer. I hope you all like it despite how blocked I was the whole time, and please send me a review to let me know what you think.**_

_**Hailey, I hope this chapter makes you feel a little better! (And I'm glad you liked the middle part of the last chapter. I'm getting steadily better at writing stuff like that. I remember when I started writing almost a year ago, I couldn't even bring myself to write the word 'moan.' **_

_**SteffieDawn, I'm glad you liked the ending! Also, I'm happy you liked the whole story... it's winding down now, just a few more chapters, and I'm going to miss it :( So I'm glad people have enjoyed reading it as much I have writing it! **_

_**inspirationimagination, I know! I much prefer sex scenes when they are actually realistic... because it's never beautiful and perfectly choreographed like in movies, and what makes a good couple is when they're able to laugh about it like EO can... and as for the bra, I can totally see it. The guy's only had two sexual partners, including Olivia, and the first one he married in his late teens. He will be far from smooth when it comes to things like that. **_

_**Sidle13, I'm glad you like my smut! I am really proud of how far I've come with that - like I said to Hailey, I used to be really, really, RIDICULOUSLY shy about it. How things have changed... **_

_**Amber77, I'm happy you liked it and thought it was sweet :) But then, they're always sweet together... **_

_**gemfinder360, yes, in hindsight it definitely was worth it however unsure of it I was at the time. Hopefully I'll think the same about this one (and hopefully you'll be able to get 5 minutes to read it in between the project/breakdancing with Keegan...) **_

_**funnybehbeh, your review was awesome. I'm not sure you've reviewed me before - it's kind of early in the morning here and my brain is not quite powered up yet - but if you haven't, hi! And do feel free to go back and review earlier chapters - I LOVE it when people do that! **_

_**ladybugsmomma, you are not the only one. Imagine staring at and rewriting that over and over again for a couple weeks. Yeah. **_

_**lou3174, thank you :) **_

_**MHfanSmoezz, thank you too! :):) **_

_**Ren Victoria, welcome to my little world of EO fic... I'm really happy you like this story, and thank you so much for reviewing - I love hearing from people who enjoy what I do. **_

_**Anyway... My usual giant note over, here is my new chapter for you, and please send me a review to let me know what you think!**_

_Hmmmmm._

Elliot took a step backwards to look at the paint colour and almost fell over the toolbox he'd left by the toilet.

_Son of a... _

He cursed under his breath, shaking his head.

_Stupid toolbox._

_Stupid paint tins._

_Stupid dustcloths._

_Stupid too-small bathroom._

He swore silently, retrieving the paintbrush from behind the sink. _Whoever last decorated this glorified closet deserves a fucking medal._

_Elliot... maybe it would have been a better idea not to try and do everything at once._

Elliot rolled his eyes. _No, because if this had been as easy as it was meant to be, I'd have finished painting by now and be ready to start the plumbing._

_What do you mean, 'to start the plumbing'? _

Elliot squirmed uncomfortably. _Well, before I wasn't really DOING the plumbing, more... investigating it... kind of like when you have to stake out a perv's house before you raid it..._

_Face it, Elliot, you started the plumbing first and it beat you. _

_OK, fine, it did._

He shook his head in disgust.

_Fucking toilet._

He muttered something under his breath and stuck the brush back in the paint tin, studying the walls.

_Actually, the paint colour doesn't look that bad any more..._ He squinted and turned his head sideways. _I could almost get used to it..._

_Just as long as she likes it this time._

_Yes._ Elliot suppressed a shudder. When he'd promised to paint her bathroom, he hadn't expected her to keep changing her mind about the colour every five minutes. He and the nice paint associate at Home Depot were almost on first-name terms.

_You were the one who got yourself into this, Elliot._

_It's not my fault! Who knew that she'd actually remember something I said to her when she was in a fucking coma?_

_Come on, Elliot. It's Olivia._

_True._ He rolled his eyes and picked up the brush again, and then he heard the sound of Olivia's cane coming down the hallway.

_Shit._ He mentally crossed his fingers as the bathroom door creaked behind him. _Please like the colour, please like the colour, please like the colour..._

He heard her murmur something to herself and then her arms were wrapped tightly around his middle and she was resting the side of her head against his back, sighing contentedly. 'Mmm, El...' He felt her kiss him through his T-shirt. 'I missed you...'

'Why?' He put down the brush and turned around. 'Did you need something?' _Does that mean I can stop doing this now?_

'No...' She smiled, wrapped her arms back around his waist and kissed him. 'I was jugs in our bed and thinking about you...'

_Of course you were._ He rolled his eyes again and put his arms around her. 'Liv, you were meant to be asleep.' _Sometimes I wonder if I ought to put a bell on you._

Olivia shrugged. 'I was.' He gave her a look and she smiled innocently. 'For a while...'

'Uh huh.' He sighed, leaned down and kissed her forehead. 'What do you think of the paint?' _Please like the colour, please like the colour, please like the colour..._

She looked confused. 'The paint?'

He sighed again. 'On the walls, Liv.' _You know, the walls I've spent the past five days painting and repainting over and over and over again..._

'Oh.' She looked around, frowning thoughtfully, and Elliot's heart sank. 'I think I'd have to see mourn of it.'

Elliot felt a creeping sense of dread. 'More of it?'

She smiled brightly and nodded. 'Yes. Mourn of it.'

'So, half the bathroom isn't enough?'

She shook her head. 'No.'

_Fantastic._ Elliot sighed. 'OK, Liv.'

'Thanks, El.' Olivia smiled and kissed him, stroking the side of his face. 'How's the toilet?'

Elliot shifted uncomfortably. _Possessed by demons._ 'It's... OK.'

She frowned. 'I thought you were going to do that first?'

'I... uh... I did, but...' Elliot hesitated. _Lie._ 'But I finished it. It's fixed.'

Olivia broke into a wide smile. 'Really?'

_No._ 'Yes.' He kissed her again. 'All done.'

'You're a genius.' She laid her head against his chest and closed her eyes. 'Mmmm, El...' She smiled and hugged him tighter. 'You smell really good when you're doing DIY...'

He smiled and kissed the top of her head. 'Oh, I do, do I?'

'Yes...' She smiled again and fingered the fabric of his T-shirt. 'You really ought to think about doing it without your shirt on...'

Elliot stopped. 'I was doing it without my shirt on.'

She frowned and looked up at him. 'You were?'

'Yes. You told me not to. You said that it made you feel like you were in a bad porno.' _Although maybe if you didn't pin me against the wall every time you saw me then that would be less of a problem._

'Oh yes.' She shrugged and laid her head against his chest again. 'OK.'

He laughed and tightened his arms around her back. 'I can still do it if you want me to...'

'Hmm. Maybe.' Olivia smiled and closed her eyes, snuggling up closer to him. 'Elliot, can I ask you something?'

'Of course.' He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. 'What is it?'

'Why are there ten cases of beer next to the couch in the living room?'

_Shit._ 'Uh...' Elliot frantically tried to think of a way to put it that wouldn't sound too girly. '... Personal growth.'

She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. 'Personal growth?'

'Yes.' He could feel himself turning bright red. 'Personal growth.'

'OK, El...' Olivia gave him a doubtful look, and then she laughed. 'I mean, it's not like the apartment is full of boxes of your stuff already or anything...'

He smiled and kissed her, stroking the small of her back with his thumbs. 'Well, you were the one who told me I might as well move in properly, remember?'

He felt her smile against his mouth. 'Hmm, I did, didn't I?' She laughed and kissed him harder, pressing her body tightly against his. 'What can I say, I like having you here...'

Elliot smiled, starting to run his fingers up and down her spine. 'Well, I like being here...'

'Mmmm, I know...' Olivia smiled and laid her head against his chest. 'What do you like about it?'

_Shit._ 'Uh...' _Think of something good. You might get laid._ 'I like...' He smiled. 'I like waking up with you, I like watching you do little things like washing the dishes and cleaning your teeth, I love watching your face when you sleep...' _Watch it, Elliot, you're getting creepy again._ 'And... I just like being able to spend all day, every day, with you.' He smiled again, leaned down and kissed her. 'Why, what do you like?'

'Well...' Olivia frowned thoughtfully. 'I light all the stuff that you said.' She shrugged. 'Plus, you know. You're a really good fuck.'

Elliot blinked. _Jesus._ 'Uh... thanks, Liv.' _I knew polite, sweet, appropriate Liv wouldn't last._ 'That's a really lovely sentiment.' _Maybe I should write it down and get someone to read it at our wedding._ He sighed to himself. _Or maybe not._

Olivia was grinning again, stroking the side of his face with her thumb. 'And I figured if you lived here you'd probably fuck me harder and mort often...' She wrapped her arms around him and started to kiss the side of his neck, working her way downwards towards his shoulders. 'And I know that you will, El...' He heard her laugh quietly to herself as she tightened her arms around his back, her fingernails digging into his skin. 'I'll make shawl of it...'

_Um..._ Elliot wasn't sure if he was aroused or afraid. 'Well, that's, uh, good to know, Liv.' _But I don't think that's even physically possible._

'Oh, El...' She was breathing against the side of his face now, flicking her tongue against his earlobe. 'Do you remember the time I made you make love to me in every single room of the apartment, one after the other?'

Elliot forced a smile, wincing a little at the memory. 'Yes, Liv, I do...' _I almost threw my back out. We're not doing that again. _ 'Uh, Liv-'

She winked. 'And maybe next time we could try the roof...'

Elliot's eyes widened. _Oh God, how do I make her stop? _ 'Uh, what about the DIY? Do you like that?' _Maybe if I distract her long enough she'll forget about the roof and settle on just the bed again... like that one time with the elevator..._

'Oh.' Olivia looked a little put out. 'Yeah, I suppose.' She nodded towards the living room. 'By the way, the shelves collapsed.'

Elliot cursed under his breath. _Oh, for the love of..._ 'What happened?' _I knew that that one mysterious leftover screw was important..._

Olivia shrugged. 'I don't know, I was just putting my cookbooks on them and they fell down.'

Elliot's jaw dropped. '...Cookbooks?'

She nodded. 'Yes. Cookbooks.'

'Um...' _How do I put this so that she won't kill me? _ 'But Olivia... you don't cook.'

'I know, but I wanted to try the whole domesticity thing...' She smiled and stroked the side of his face. 'I think I could be really good at it, don't you?'

Elliot hesitated. 'Uh...' _When I first got here you used your oven for storage. _ 'I...' _Two days ago you managed to set fire to toast._ 'But Liv... I enjoy cooking for you.' _Wow._ _Good answer, Elliot._

Olivia broke into a wide smile. 'You do?'

Elliot smiled and hugged her tighter. 'Yes.' _Far more than I enjoy having to eat whatever nightmare you've made._ 'Yes, I do.'

'Oh, El...' She bit her lip and kissed him again. 'That's so sweet...'

Elliot smiled at her. 'Well, I love you.' _And I really hate your cooking. _ 'I'd do anything for you.'

'Really?' Olivia raised an eyebrow at him. 'Anything?'

_Uh oh. _'Yes, Liv. Anything.' Elliot tried to push down a rising feeling of dread. _Not the roof, please, not the roof..._

Olivia grinned. 'Well, if you'd do ANYTHING for me...' She slid her hand up to the back of his neck, pulled him in and kissed him. 'How about you come back to our bed, and...' She pressed her lips harder against his, her teeth catching on his lower lip as she smiled. 'And I'll do anything for you...'

Elliot blinked. _I've dreamed of this moment._ '...Anything?' _Thank you, God..._

'Anything...' She kissed him harder, pushing her hips firmly into his. 'Does that sounds good?'

Elliot smiled, slipping his hand up under her pyjama top. 'It sounds amazing...'

'Mmm, I thought it would...' She laughed softly to herself, her hand tightening on the back of his neck. 'Oh, El...'

The toilet flushed.

Olivia pulled away and raised her eyebrows at him. 'El?'

'Uh...' Elliot could feel his face turning bright red. _Great._ _First a street mime and now a fucking toilet. _He silently cursed himself. _Nice one, asshole._ 'I'm...' He sighed defeatedly. 'Well, I'm still working on it. A little bit.' _Keep digging, moron._ 'But I'm almost done.'

'But El...' Olivia was biting her lip, clearly trying not to laugh. 'I thought you said you'd finished it?'

'Uh...' Elliot squirmed uncomfortably. 'Well, yes, I did, but...' _But I'm not experienced in exorcisms._ 'But it was a bit more difficult than I thought it would be.' _For one thing, I'm fairly sure that thing needs a priest rather than a plumber. _'I think-' Inspiration struck. 'I think we should buy a new toilet. This one is beyond repair.' _Smooth._

'A new toilet?' Olivia sighed. 'Come on, El. Is it really that bad?'

Elliot's eyes narrowed. 'Yes.' _Stupid evil cockblocking piece of porcelain shit..._ 'I'll sort it though, just wait...' There was a loud gurgle from the toilet and he shot it a dirty look. _Your white ceramic ass is mine, you son of a bitch. _He shook his head. 'I swear to God, that toilet-'

Olivia rolled her eyes impatiently. 'I don't care about the damn toilet, El.' She pulled him down and kissed him again, pushing her tongue deep inside his mouth and nodding towards the door. 'Take me to bet.'

'Oh, Olivia...' Elliot hoisted her up and into his arms, carrying her out of the bathroom and down the hallway as she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in the side of his neck. 'I love you...'

He felt her smile. 'I love you too.' She laughed softly to herself, breathing against the side of his face as she kissed his ear. 'Now fuck me really hard and maybe I'll marry you...'

Elliot rolled his eyes. _And they say romance is dead._ 'Liv, you already said you'd marry me.' He smiled and kissed her. 'I gave you my grandmother's ring, remember? You cried?' _And then when I cried, you swore at me and called me a girl?_

'Yes, but...' Olivia shrugged. 'I might still change my mind.'

Elliot sighed, holding her tightly against his chest as he opened her bedroom door. 'You might still change your mind?'

Olivia nodded. 'Yes.' She grinned and started to kiss him again, pulling him on top of her as he laid her on the bed. 'So El... you'd better make love to me over and over and over again until I'm COMPLETELY short hat I've made the right choice.'

_Just try and stop me._ Elliot grinned, pulling off his T-shirt and tossing it onto the floor. 'OK, Liv, I suppose if you really, really need me to, then...'

'I do...' Olivia smiled and lifted her hips, letting him push her pyjama shorts down to her ankles before pulling him back on top of her, kissing him hard on the mouth. 'I moose definitely do...'

_**A/N: Less smut this time, but did you like it anyway? Please send me a review and let me know!**_


	29. Chapter 29

_**A/N: So, after an absolute age, I finally have more Paranoia for you! Eh, what can I say. You've all been so great about my new story 'Judgement', and I really, really appreciate it, so this is kind of my thank you. Paranoia's kind of winding down now which makes me sad because I don't want this story to end :( although, I suppose, I'll have a little more time for my others. Still, this story and 'Heritage' are kind of my pet favourites in some ways, so I'll miss it. Anyway... I'm not going to do my normal, huge note this time, because I am really not feeling terribly well today (no idea why, but whatever's causing it can fuck right off as far as I'm concerned) but hopefully you'll forgive me that enough to enjoy this chapter anyway... and, of course, please send me a review and let me know what you think!**_

'We know you went to the bodega on 132nd together, Mr Masters. The owner saw you there just last week.' Elliot sat back in his chair. 'He said you bought five cartons of cigarettes and seven bottles of vodka. That's one hell of a party, unless of course you're planning to hole up somewhere for a while.'

Masters shrugged. 'He must have been mistaken. Lots of guys who look like me in this city.'

Elliot looked him the eye. 'Not many who have the same army insignia tattooed on their neck, though.' He glanced around quickly and leaned forwards again, lowering his voice. 'Look, Mr Masters, I'm an ex-army man myself, so I understand all about loyalty, even if it is misplaced.' He gave Masters an understanding look. 'The owner recognised your brother from the photo in the Star, Mr Masters. It was you there with him, and if you cooperate a little now, it'll save you a lifetime of trouble later.'

Masters wrinkled his nose. 'Go fuck yourself.'

_Fantastic._ Elliot sighed and glanced at his watch. _I'm never going to get out of here, am I?_ 'Look, you-' He heard a knock on the door and swore quietly to himself. 'Yes?' _This better be damn good, I swear to God-_

The door opened and Olivia stuck her head around it and smiled cheerfully. 'Hi, El!'

_She's so adorable when she smiles like that. _Elliot smiled to himself. 'Hi, Liv.' _God, I love her. I wish I could-_ _No. _He stopped, mentally shaking himself. _No, Elliot, focus. Working. Masters. Interrogation._ 'Are you, uh, OK?'

'What? Oh yes, I'm fine.' She leaned back against the doorframe, swinging her cane in one hand, trying to look casual. 'What are you up to, El?'

_Fantasising about chucking this asshole out of the nearest window. _'Uh, not much.' Elliot nodded at where Masters was sitting on the other side of the table. 'Just, you know, interrogating Mr Masters here.'

'Oh. Sounds fun.' Olivia smiled brightly. 'Mind if I play?'

_Uh oh._ Elliot shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 'Come on, Liv, it's your first day back-'

Olivia snorted. 'And?'

_And I was hoping that if I gave you all the files to organise then I might be able to get you to stay somewhere safe for at least a day or so. _ 'And I thought Cragen had told you to stick with the paperwork side of things until you were more used to-'

'Fuck that.' Olivia rolled her eyes and shut the door behind her. 'Did you think I was going to let you have all the fun?'

Elliot sighed. _Not really, no._ 'OK, but... just take it slow, OK?'

Olivia ignored him. 'Hello, Mr Masters. My name's Olivia.' She smiled politely and sat down at the steel table. 'I'm going to ask you some questions now, and if you don't answer them quickly and honestly, then I'll kick your ass from here to Hoboken.'

Elliot smiled a little. _That's my girl._

'You?' Masters rolled his eyes. 'Go fuck yourself.'

Olivia tutted disapprovingly. 'Well, that's not very nice, is it, Mr Masters?' She gave him a look. 'You really ought to learn some manners for when you're around a lady.'

'Oh yeah?' Masters snorted. 'Make me.'

'Really?' Olivia raised an eyebrow, rolling up her sleeves. 'You want me to make you?'

_Uh oh._ Elliot felt a twinge of unease. 'Uh, Liv...'

'Come on, El.' Olivia rolled her eyes. 'I know he doesn't literally want me to make him, just like that teenager I yelled at last week wasn't an odaxelagniac creep, and just like that cab driver I almost collared for solicitation earlier didn't actually want me to suck his dick. It's just a figure of speech.'

'That's right, Liv.' Elliot felt a faint glow of pride. 'It is a figure of speech.'

'I know, El. You're the one that taught me.' Olivia smiled at him. 'But that still doesn't mean I'm not going to do this.' She slapped Masters hard across the face. 'What did I tell you about your ass, huh? What did I tell you about Hoboken?'

'Jesus Christ!' Masters jumped to his feet, clenching his hands into fists. 'Crazy bitch-'

'Oh yeah?' Olivia immediately hauled back and punched him hard in the jaw, knocking him back into his chair. 'Now who's the crazy bitch?'

'YOU ARE!' Masters shook his head in disbelief and rubbed the side of his face. 'Jesus Christ, that hurt...'

'Yeah, I bet it did.' Olivia sat down again, examining her engagement ring and nodding appreciatively. 'Thanks, El. ' She looked at him and smiled. 'The scrolled pattern around the diamond, sapphires and opals on this thing really makes it into an effective weapon.'

Elliot blinked. 'Uh, that's OK, Liv.' _My grandmother would have been so touched. _ 'I'll keep that in mind when I'm picking out your eternity ring in 10 years.'

'Really? You're going to give me an eternity ring?' Olivia smiled tearfully, biting her lip. 'Oh, El, I love you...'

Elliot sighed to himself. _I thought she was meant to be over these mood swings by now? _'I, uh, love you too.' He cleared his throat and nodded at Masters. 'But, uh, shouldn't you be, you know...'

'Oh, yeah, right.' Olivia rolled her eyes and grabbed Masters' collar again, pulling him back out of his seat towards her. 'You perverted son of a bitch, I swear to God I'll make you pay for... for...' She frowned and looked at Elliot. 'El, remind me what the fuck this pervert's done.'

'Uh...' Elliot shifted awkwardly on the spot. 'Nothing.'

'Nothing?' Olivia's eyebrows shot up and she let go of Masters' collar, letting him collapse weakly back into his chair gasping for breath. 'Then why the fuck is he here?'

'Obstruction.' Elliot rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. 'His brother's a serial molester who skipped last week, and he won't tell us where he is.'

Olivia stared at him. 'That's it?'

'Yes.' Elliot sighed. 'That's it.'

Olivia paused thoughtfully, and then she shrugged. 'Works for me.' She grabbed Masters' collar again and pulled him in close. 'Look, you little freak, so it might be your brother who's supposedly the pervert but that doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me, and I'll tell you that for nothing.' She tightened her grip on his collar. 'Now tell me where the fuck he is.'

Masters just looked at her scornfully. 'I'm sorry, am I supposed to be afraid right now?

'Excuse me?' Olivia's eyes narrowed dangerously. 'What the fuck is that supposed to mean?'

'Come on.' Masters rolled his eyes. 'This is a fucking joke.'

'Oh yeah?' Olivia raised her eyebrows at him. 'I kicked your ass a minute ago, didn't I?'

'Please, I let you off easy.' Masters snorted and eyed Olivia's cane. 'My mother taught me never to hit a cripple.'

Olivia bristled, and Elliot suddenly had a creeping sense of dread. 'Cripple?'

'Yeah.' Masters grinned. 'Cripple.' He looked her up and down. 'You know, what with the cane and all.'

Olivia's eyebrows shot up. 'Oh yeah? You want to know how I got this, you little shit?' She leaned in close, looking Masters straight in the eye. ' I got blown up by a 500lb bomb. A fucking 500lb bomb and I still didn't die.' Her eyes narrowed to slits and she leaned even further forwards, practically baring her teeth. 'Still want to fuck with me, bitch?'

'I-'

Olivia slammed her cane down hard on the table with a deafening bang, making everyone jump. 'I SAID, DO YOU STILL WANT TO FUCK WITH ME, BITCH?'

'Uh...' Masters looked up at Elliot, clearly slightly afraid. 'Is she... uh... allowed to do this?'

'Shut up.' Olivia hooked her cane around the leg of Masters' chair, yanking him around to face her again. 'He's just the guy who's fucking me, I'm the one you should be afraid of.'

Masters gave Elliot a pleading look, and Elliot shrugged. 'She's right.' He paused. 'Except for about the fucking thing.' He paused again. 'I mean, yes, I am, but it's more than that.'

'Shut up, Elliot, you sound like a girl.' Olivia rolled her eyes and grabbed Masters' collar again, pulling him roughly out of his chair. 'Right, asshole. Now we're going to talk about where we can find your pervert brother.'

'Oh, do we have to?' Masters rolled his eyes sarcastically. 'I did so love hearing about you two and how you're fucking each other.'

'Oh?' Olivia raised an eyebrow. 'You did?'

_Uh oh. _Elliot silently cringed. This was a subject that he really didn't want Olivia to get started on. 'Uh, Liv, maybe-'

'Yes.' Masters nodded smugly. 'Yes, I did.'

'OK.' Olivia smirked, leaned forwards and looked Masters straight in the eye. her nose less than three inches from his. 'My fiance here has a large, beautiful dick that he knows exactly how to use. I love to look at it, I love to touch it, and I love it when he fucks me with it. He fucks me often, and he fucks me hard, and I love every damn second of it.' She leaned in even closer, her eyes narrowing. 'He made love to me for two hours this morning before breakfast, and if we have to miss our lunch break today because of you, I swear to God I will kill your miserable creep ass myself, because just being in the same room as him and thinking about what I want him to do to me with it is making me horny as fuck.' She raised her eyebrows, a definite hint of threat coming into her voice. 'Do you understand me?'

Masters blinked in disbelief, his cheeks flushing bright red with embarrassment. 'Uh huh.'

'Do you want me to keep going?'

Masters swallowed nervously and shook his head.

Olivia gestured at Elliot. 'Would you like to see it?'

_WHAT?_ Elliot's eyes widened. 'Uh, Liv-'

'No.' Masters shook his head, all the colour draining out of his face. 'No, I wouldn't.'

Olivia gave him a look. 'No, I wouldn't, THANK YOU.'

'No, I wouldn't.' Masters cleared his throat uncomfortably. 'Thank you.'

'Good.' Olivia smiled and sat back in her chair. 'I do love to talk about his dick, you know.'

'Oh.' Masters looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and die.

'I actually talk about it quite often.'

Elliot sighed. 'She does.' _Although this has to be the first time she's offered to make me show it to someone._

'Anyway.' Olivia smiled sweetly. 'Would you like to tell us about where we can find your brother now?'

Masters just nodded, glancing longingly at the door.

'Good.' Olivia smiled at Elliot. 'Look at that, El. All the violence and threats in the world and all it took to make him talk was to tell him how fantastic you were in bed.' She raised an eyebrow and gave him an appreciative look. 'Clearly he's jealous.'

Elliot sighed to himself. 'Yes, Liv, I'm sure that's what it is.' _He looks like he's not sure whether he'd rather throw up or run._ 'Well done.'

'Thanks, El.' She grinned proudly. 'See, I've still got it!'

Elliot smiled and handed her a pen, squeezing her hand. 'Liv, I never doubted you for second.'

_**A/N: What did you think? Did you like it? Please send me a review and let me know!**_

_**Also, Hailey, SURPRISE! You're my favourite coldsore :D  
><strong>_


End file.
